


Baby, Come Light Me Up

by dinosaursmate



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Brief mentions of possible domestic violence, Cheating, Emotional Manipulation, Jay is all about the tough love, Light Angst, Loosely based off of the music video for Into You by Ariana Grande, M/M, No Smut with OMC, Possessive Behavior, Protective Jay, Smut, idk depends on how sensitive you are to angst, not on each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-09-24 00:33:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20349406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaursmate/pseuds/dinosaursmate
Summary: Jay sighed. “Louis. Why won’t you ever talk to me?” She watched him carefully. “I can tell that something isn’t right.”“What do you mean?” Louis asked, shoving his hands between his thighs because he could feel them shaking. “It’s fine, Mum.”“Louis, I—” Jay paused and sighed. “I don’t believe you.”“Did you ever think that maybe this is why I didn’t come home?” Louis snapped, hearing and regretting his tone but not being able to stop himself. “Maybe I don’t want to be completely interrogated about my love life.”“No, darling,” Jay said, undeterred and unshaken by Louis’ outburst. “I think you’ve not been coming home because Gareth doesn’t want you to.”You’re wrong, you’re wrong,Louis yelled inside his brain. Another voice; faint, distant, buried, seemed to agree with the horrible, sinking feeling in his gut.“No,” he finally scoffed.---Life is complicated for Louis Tomlinson. His job sucks, his mum is always mad at him, and his boyfriend is too busy all the time. He gains some perspective when he meets Harry and, suddenly, everything is turned on its head.





	Baby, Come Light Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> This idea started out as a short fic based off of the Into You music video and turned into a 50k monster. Hahaha. If you're familiar with the video you'll probably see the bits of this fic that came from the very early idea.
> 
> Thank you a million to [Nic](https://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/) for a cracking betaing job. 
> 
> If you have any questions/queries/concerns about the content of the fic before you read, you can contact me on [Tumblr](https://dinosaursmate.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter.](http://twitter.com/catfishau)

The lightbulb overhead flickered, and why hadn’t anyone fixed that yet? It was annoying and headache-inducing. Especially when one was hunched over the slow office computer, trying to fight against outdated technology to input the week’s wages.

For Louis Tomlinson, it was just one more irritating inconvenience on top of an endless pile of inconveniences. His life was full of a thousand tiny stresses. A lightbulb-induced headache might just finish him off.

At least Gareth was sending a car to bring him home. The prospect of getting on the tube was too much to think about and, if Louis was lucky, his driver wouldn’t be a talkative one. But, for now, the wages had to be done.

He squinted at the screen and tried his best to concentrate on the task at hand. If Louis was honest, this job was shit and he didn’t get paid enough to warrant the bother it put him through. Gareth didn’t like him working there, but Louis had to do  _ something. _ He wasn’t keen on being kept and besides, he would go crazy sitting around in Gareth’s big house all day, every day.

That was what it felt to him, even after six months. Gareth’s house. Louis still hadn’t settled, still didn’t consider it his home. Not really. He wondered what that meant, if it was a bad sign. He tried his hardest to avoid thinking about the fact that it probably was.

“Tommo?” Niall poked his head around the office door. “Your ride’s here.”

“Shit,” Louis murmured. He was more behind than he thought. “Thanks, mate. Can you just let them know I’ll be five minutes?”

Niall smiled with a nod. “Sure thing.”

Niall was a good supervisor, but he was an even better friend. Louis knew he could trust him, even if the careful, cautious demeanour in which he spoke to Louis on occasion was irritating. Louis was not precious and fragile. He did not need to be tiptoed around.

He finished the wages as quickly as he could and shut down the computer. He grabbed his jacket and hurried out to the car, waving to Niall as he speed-walked through the bar.

“Hiya, mate,” Louis said to the driver, smiling politely as he climbed into the back seat. The driver greeted him back, and they were on their way. Louis pulled up his text thread with Gareth and tapped out a message.

_ ‘Hi babe, on my way home, will I see you? X’ _

Louis looked out of the window and watched London trundle on by. The sky above had turned dark and spots of rain began to hit the glass, and that quickly shifted to a downpour. It made Louis uneasy. Sometimes, he reckoned the weather could predict his mood. The day’s weather quickly turning miserable made him feel like his own day would, too.

By the time he arrived home, he hadn’t received a reply from Gareth, which served to bring his mood down further. Gareth was nowhere to be seen at home, so Louis took a shower and changed into sweats. He settled on the sofa and found himself drifting in and out of sleep when he heard the front door slam shut.

“Gareth?” Louis called, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Is that you?”

“Hiya.” Gareth appeared in the living room doorway and leaned against the frame. “Get dressed. We’re going to a club opening.”

Louis paused, swallowing, pretending like his heart wasn’t sinking.

“I’m really tired.”

“It’s just a club opening,” Gareth replied. “Come on. You’ll be fine once you’ve got a beer or two down you.”

Louis sighed, not loud enough for Gareth to hear, before standing up. “Okay.”

“Good lad. We’ll leave in half an hour, is that cool? I’ll call us a car.”

“Okay,” Louis said again, trotting up the stairs to find something to wear.

-

Louis had moved away from beer and onto vodka and Coke. He needed it. He was all alone at the bar—as usual—and it was easier to cope with if he was properly drunk. Not easy, but easier.

“Hi.”

Louis looked to his left. He was half-sitting on a bar stool and next to him he saw a gorgeous man, a little taller than himself with a dazzling smile, leaning on the bar.

“Hello,” the man greeted again as Louis distractedly scanned the crowd for Gareth. “How come you’re drinking on your own at a party like this?”

Louis turned his head and smiled politely. “I don’t really know anyone here. I’m just occupying myself while my boyfriend networks.”

“Ah,” the man said, shrugging in understanding. “I’m James.”

Louis reached out to shake James’ hand. “Louis.”

“Ah!” James nodded in recognition. “Gareth Tate’s Louis.”

“That’s me.”

“Well, see you around.”

And then he was gone. As much as Louis absolutely didn’t want anyone to chat him up—Gareth was a very jealous man, after all—it was nice to actually have someone to talk to, even for a minute.

“Who was that?”

Gareth appeared at Louis’ side. That was quick. Louis couldn’t help but wonder if James disappeared so suddenly because he saw Gareth coming. Or maybe Gareth just had that much of a reputation.

Louis raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “Just some guy.”

“Yeah? Make a habit of chatting up guys, do you?”

Louis swallowed, shaking his head quickly. “No, no. He was just making conversation as he got a drink. That’s all.”

“Louis!” Gareth laughed and squeezed Louis’ arm. “I’m only joking! Don’t get so defensive.”

Louis smiled tightly. He knew all about Gareth’s  _ jokes. _ And he knew all too well that when it came to jealousy, Gareth was never truly joking.

“Sorry,” Louis said with a sigh. “It’s just… I’m on my own, aren’t I? Kinda bored.”

“Lou, you know full well that I have to network at these things.”

Louis chewed the inside of his cheek and stared down at his glass. “Yeah, I know. But this is exactly why I don’t like coming to these things. I  _ always _ end up getting left on my own.”

Louis felt himself tense as Gareth’s demeanour shifted. It was really difficult to put his finger on exactly how it happened, but Louis would always sense when Gareth was becoming irritated.

“And how exactly do you think it would look if I turned up on my own?” Gareth shook his head. “Look, you win, okay? Wait here for ten minutes. Do you think you can do that? Then we’re going home.”

“Okay.”

Gareth disappeared into the crowd once again and Louis sighed. He hated upsetting Gareth. He had enough on his plate as it was. Gareth started his career as a YouTube vlogger, but nowadays he was more of a socialite, an influencer. He was always at YouTube events, or club openings, charity fundraisers, or parties. Gareth kept very busy and Louis had always tried to be the least bother he could be.

The thing was, Louis was beginning to feel a little resentful of the way that Gareth disregarded his feelings. Mostly, Louis existed at these events as arm candy for Gareth. His plus-one. Louis was bored at almost every event, and surely that wasn’t right? He knew Gareth was under a lot of pressure. But they were in a relationship. Shouldn’t it be a two-way street?

Louis had hoped things would be different once he moved in. Showed Gareth that he was truly committed to their relationship. If anything, it just got worse. Louis would never entertain the idea of leaving, of course. No, he would stick it out. Relationships took work, after all. Maybe when Gareth wasn’t so busy one day, he would have more time to focus on Louis.

It wasn’t as if Louis didn’t have his own life, anyway. He had his management job at the bar, and he had Niall as a friend. It was enough.

Louis chewed on his bottom lip as they journeyed home. Once again, the weather mirrored his mood. The uneven tarmac of central London’s heavily used roads allowed the heavy rain to pool, headlights and traffic lights reflecting off of the rippling water. The lights disappeared with the puddles when disturbed, but they always came right back. Just like Louis’ bad moods.

Just like Gareth’s bad moods. 

They didn’t speak in the car for the entire journey home. Once they got in, they both undressed in silence and Gareth disappeared into the bathroom for a shower. Louis got into bed and, when Gareth emerged from the en suite, he pretended to be asleep. The mattress dipped and bounced slightly as Gareth settled into bed, and Louis sensed his pause, before sighing and turning over.

Louis hadn’t realised he had been holding his breath, but he exhaled and tried to fall asleep.

-

“You look tired.”

Louis’ eyes flicked to Niall’s. “When don’t I?”

“True.” Niall leaned against the bar counter and folded his arms. “You don’t need to be out on the floor, you know. Not until we get a rush.”

“Nothing to do in the office.”

“So, scroll Facebook or something!” Niall grabbed the tea towel from his shoulder and whipped it against Louis’ thigh. “You’re  _ tired. _ Go relax.”

“No,” Louis insisted. “I’ll only—I’ll only sit back there and think.”

Niall looked at the floor, blinking. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Louis replied automatically. He turned away from Niall and pressed  _ no sale _ on the till to open the drawer. “Ah, we could do with some change. I’ll pop down to the tube station, see if they have a bag of pound coins.”

“There’s some in the safe!” Niall said incredulously as Louis swiped a twenty from the till. “Louis.”

“Be right back!”

Louis rounded the bar and jogged towards the door. The sun was weak, but it was shining, and the temperature was mild. The atmosphere in London felt… hopeful. Tentatively hopeful.

If the London weather could be hopeful, so could Louis. As far as he was concerned, he was healthy, had a roof over his head, family and friends who loved him. So… it could be worse. He was grateful that Niall never pushed the issue if Louis made it clear he didn’t want to talk. He did talk about his Gareth worries sometimes but other times, it felt too personal, and somewhat of a betrayal. How could he expect Gareth to love and trust him if he talked about him constantly behind his back?

_ ‘We’re going to a festival next weekend,’ _ a text from Gareth read, flashing up on Louis’ phone screen as he returned with the pound coins that they didn’t need.  _ ‘I see on your schedule that you’re off work.’ _

_ ‘Yeah.’ _ Louis’ thumbs danced over his screen as he decided what to type next.  _ ‘I did book a train to Donny to see my mum on the Sunday, but she’ll understand.’ _

Louis sighed and switched over to his text thread with his mum.

_ ‘Sorry, Mum. Can’t come home next Sunday after all. Promise we’ll reschedule soon. Love you xx’ _

He watched as the one tick became two, and then turned blue, indicating his mum had read the message. He waited for the bar at the top to read  _ typing… _ but it never did. Louis scoffed, locked his phone and pushed it into his pocket. He would call her later and grovel.

The rest of his shift went okay, especially once the post-5pm rush began. Before he knew it, he and Niall were saying goodbye to the stragglers and locking the door behind them. The two of them quickly and quietly cleared up the glasses, loading them into the glass washer before Niall started to wipe down tables and Louis got to work on cashing up the till.

“Oh, Louis.” Niall looked over. “I swapped shifts tomorrow with Carly.”

“Ni, you know you’re supposed to let me know three days in advance.”

“I’m sorry! It’s an exceptional circumstance.”

Louis raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Niall cleared his throat. “I’ve got a date.”

Louis sighed and shook his head. “You know that if anyone else was here, I’d have to tell you off.”

“Thank God for favouritism.”

“You take that back!” Louis said with a laugh.

“I won’t tell anyone that I’m your favourite.” Niall winked before smiling at Louis fondly. “Let’s go out tonight.”

“Oh, I can’t.”

“Or come round mine?”

“Niall, I can’t.” Louis sighed and shook his head. “Gareth’s expecting me.”

Niall paused before shrugging. “Cool. Another time, then.”

The air fell flat, so they finished their duties before parting ways with mumbled goodbyes.

-

Louis jerked awake, out of a strange dream about drag queens. As he came to, he could hear distant clattering, which he assumed was Gareth faffing about in the kitchen. Louis didn’t remember falling asleep on the sofa, but clearly he had. He got to his feet and padded out to the kitchen.

“Oh, hey,” Gareth said with a smile. “I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.”

Louis felt a pleasant tickle in his tummy, and his mood lifted somewhat. “Aw. What are we doing for dinner?”

“Well, I thought I could make you a spag bol. I bought some nice bread to make garlic bread, too.”

“That would be amazing.” Louis closed the space between them and pecked him on the lips. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Hey,” Gareth said, biting his lip. “How’d your mum take you cancelling your trip?”

Louis smiled sadly. “Silent treatment. I’ll give her a ring later, reschedule. That should make up for it.”

“Well, tell her I’m really, really sorry.” Gareth ran the back of his index finger over Louis’ cheekbone. “I’m gonna jump in the shower, and then I’ll get dinner started.”

“Okay.”

Louis turned to watch Gareth leave the kitchen and smiled. Today was a good day.

-

Louis held his phone away from his ear and stared out of the window. He felt himself welling up, but he wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry.

_ “This is the third time you’ve cancelled a visit, Louis! The third! I arrange my life around your visits, and it’s a complete disregard of that to keep cancelling on me!” _

“Sorry, Mum.”

_ “I know this has something to do with Gareth. I’m not letting you get away with this again, Louis, I’ll be absolutely furious if you cancel again. Okay? You need to stand up to him.” _

“Mum.” Louis swallowed, taking a deep breath in a vain attempt to steady the pounding of his heart. “It’s not Gareth’s fault. I’m sorry. I’m a busy lad. I’m an adult, now.”

Louis’ mum paused.  _ “I know you are, darling. But I miss you. You have to make time for your old mum.” _

“You’re not old,” Louis replied softly.

_ “How am I supposed to tell the girls? Again? They’ve so been looking forward to seeing their big brother.” _

Louis felt like shit. As much as he tried to dance around it, he knew he had let his mum down again. Let his entire family down again. Maybe she was right. Next time, he just needed to tell Gareth  _ no. _

“I have to go, Mum. but I’ll check the rota at work and find you some options. And I absolutely won’t cancel again. I promise.”

_ “Your promises don’t hold any weight with me anymore, Louis.” _ She sighed.  _ “Love you.” _

“Love you, Mum.”

She abruptly hung up, and Louis felt a swell of emotion, but he pushed it down to stop himself from bursting into tears. There was nobody -  _ nobody -  _ more important to him than his mum, his family. Why did he let Gareth do this?

The smell of dinner was wafting upstairs from the kitchen and Louis dug his fingertips into his thighs, trying to compose himself a bit. He couldn’t go down there and have a go at Gareth. After all, Louis didn’t exactly put up a fight when Gareth told him they were going to the festival. He just crumbled. 

So, he bit his tongue and went downstairs for dinner. He could feel Gareth watching him closely throughout the whole meal, likely trying to gauge why he was suddenly so quiet. As soon as they finished eating, Gareth stood up.

“Right, I’m going out tonight. Thought I’d give you the night off. That okay?”

“Oh.” Louis shrugged. “Sure.”

“Don’t wait up.” Gareth pressed a kiss to the top of Louis’ head. “Get an early night, yeah? I reckon you need it.”

-

Louis was sitting on his suitcase and pushing himself around the foyer, riding it. Gareth kept giving him dirty looks, but Louis was growing impatient. The car was supposed to pick them up twenty minutes ago, and Gareth had been angrily tapping away at his phone for at least ten minutes.

“Yeah, Tony?” Gareth barked into his phone. “Where the fuck is our car? I’m  _ this _ close to making Louis drive us all the bloody way.”

Louis looked at Gareth, his heart sinking. It was early, and he had very much been looking forward to having a nap during the four-hour car journey. He wouldn’t be able to nap once they checked into the hotel, as Gareth would have to head straight over to the festival, get backstage to get in front of the cameras, and start posting to Instagram.

“I’m going for a wee,” Louis whispered to a disinterested Gareth.

He trotted up the stairs, popping for a quick wee - he didn’t really need to go, but he thought he should at least try - before swinging by their bedroom and picking up his teddy bear that was sitting on a shelf. As he returned to the foyer, Gareth was just hanging up the phone.

_ “Apparently, _ the car will be here in a couple of minutes. Why didn’t you just use the downstairs loo?” Gareth turned to look at him before scoffing condescendingly. “You went to get your teddy bear?”

“Just someone to cuddle while you’re out at parties that I don’t get invited to.”

Gareth shot him an unimpressed look. “Come on, let’s wait outside.”

The car arrived, and Louis fell asleep almost as soon as they set off. He was woken a bit later - he wasn’t sure how much later, but they were on the motorway - by Gareth taking a phone call. 

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!” Gareth laughed loudly. “I’m ready to get fucked up, to be honest. Cut loose. Yeah. Alright, I’ll see you over the weekend. See ya.”

Louis rubbed his eyes and checked his watch. He had only been asleep for half an hour, and so he guessed there was no chance of stopping off at a service station. It seemed pretty windy outside, the trees either side of the motorway swaying ominously. Louis wasn’t overly sure how that worked for him if his mood really was tied to the weather, but he didn’t think he was looking forward to finding out.

“There will be a tight schedule to adhere to, which we’ll find out when we arrive,” Gareth told him. “But I’ve emailed the most current version of the general schedule to you, if you wanted to look over it. Don’t get too drunk, yeah? I need you to be my eyes and ears when I’m not with it.”

Louis turned to look out of the window. Great. He was to spend the whole weekend making sure Gareth didn’t make an idiot of himself. Who wanted to go to a festival and not drink? He wasn’t going to have fun. At all.

He fell asleep again, and Louis was very grateful that Gareth didn’t feel the need to disturb him until they were an hour away and they stopped off at a service station for some lunch and a toilet break. Gareth took a cigarette break with their driver while Louis went to order their food. While he waited, he strolled around the overpriced shops. It was nice, being in a strange place and wandering around on his own. He looked at the paperback books, the travel pillows, the bags of sweets. He had to admit, when their food was ready and he picked it up and took it out to the car, he felt somewhat disappointed.

Louis hadn’t been on his own for a really long time. Well, Gareth did often leave him alone, but he had never been  _ alone.  _ Never had the freedom of being single and having nobody to answer to. Maybe the windy weather blew in a scary new possibility. What if Louis left Gareth? What if Louis was alone?

It was completely out of the question, of course, Louis knew it was. He loved Gareth. He would never give up on him. No way.

They hit the road, the smell of their Five Guys burgers filling the car. Louis ate in silence while Gareth and the driver continued the conversation they had started whilst smoking. The roads were beginning to become slightly congested, what with all the other people also heading to the festival. As they grew closer still to their destination, they turned off of the motorway onto a less congested road, leading to their likely swanky hotel. Louis watched as they whizzed past the motorway below, the hundreds of cars headed towards the campsite.

“I don’t think I could enjoy a festival properly if I had to sleep in a tent and piss in bottles, and all that,” Gareth said with a scoff. “I’m so glad we’re fortunate enough to be able to stay in a nice hotel.”

“I don’t think they have to wee in bottles,” Louis said, frowning slightly. “Anyway, camping is all part of the charm. It’s fun.”

“I can’t even fathom.”

Louis fought the urge to roll his eyes. Of course Gareth wouldn’t get it. Posh bastard.

He glanced sideways, nervous as if Gareth would be able to hear his thoughts. Gareth was just bouncing his knee, staring out of the window.

“So, we’ll check into the hotel, then apparently some guy’s gonna come up and introduce himself as my personal assistant for the weekend.” Gareth sighed and glanced in the general direction of Louis. “I’ll need you to be with me at all times, Lou.”

“Until you dismiss me,” Louis said without thinking.

“What?”

Louis froze. “Nothing.”

Gareth turned his body towards Louis. “No, what did you mean by that?”

Louis sighed inwardly.  _ Here we go. _

“It’s just that you always tell me you’ll need me around for the whole time, but you inevitably end up sending me away, and then I’m all on my own, yet again. Usually miles away from wherever we’re staying.”

The moment of silence between them stretched on and on, the tension feeling taut like an elastic band that Louis just knew was about to snap, and that he would take the full force of it. It was a rare occasion that he spoke back to Gareth, but sometimes he just couldn’t help it. Maybe he had an issue with controlling his temper.

“You don’t have to come with me to these things,” Gareth said quietly, his tone completely even. If Louis didn’t know him so well, he would think Gareth wasn’t angry in the slightest.

“Really?” Louis scoffed softly, clutching his hands together in an attempt to stop them shaking. “When was the last time I had a choice?”

“Don’t act as if it’s my fault that you have a problem saying no!” Gareth began to raise his voice this time. “But that’s always been your thing, hasn’t it?”

Louis jerked his body around to face the window as best he could and stared stubbornly out at the road.  _ Don’t cry, do not fucking cry. _

Gareth loved to bring up the fact that Louis was rather promiscuous when they had first met, despite the fact that he knew Louis was ashamed of it. It was a low blow to reference it and Louis felt hurt. He didn’t even know why Gareth liked to use it against him like this. After all, if it hadn’t been for Louis’ promiscuity, the two of them would never have got together.

“We’ll talk about this when we get in the room,” Gareth murmured. “I would really like you to just behave yourself this weekend. Do you think you can do that  _ one _ thing for me?”

Louis scoffed again, so quietly that Gareth probably - hopefully - didn’t hear.

-

The room was very nice and felt kind of cosy, a lovely view of the rolling countryside out of the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, a huge bath and shower and the biggest bed Louis had ever seen.

It would have felt very romantic, if only Louis wasn’t mentally begging the porter who had brought up the bags not to leave them alone.

“Thank you,” Gareth said, dismissing the porter with a discreet tip. Once the door closed behind him, Gareth turned to Louis and folded his arms “So?”

“So what?” Louis replied tiredly. He was standing by the window, staring out at the hills and wishing he was out there, running up them, or down them, or whatever. Just. Anywhere but here.

“Louis, as my partner, I ask very little of you. Now, I understand that sometimes these things can get a bit boring, but is it really that difficult for you to put up with? For me?” Gareth let out a humourless laugh and shook his head. “I mean, for fuck’s sake, I put up with your family at Christmas and endless amounts of birthdays…”

Louis spun around, glaring as he began to see red. “How dare you? How  _ dare _ you compare these bloody inane events to spending time with my family?!”

“Look, spending time with your family is important to you, I get it. Why else would I put up with it? But what I don’t get is why you think you’re the most important person in this relationship. Everything I take you to is important to me and my career, so the least you could do is show a bit of bloody support.”

Louis stared down at the carpet of their hotel room. He held back a lot when it came to arguing with Gareth, and today was no exception. Then again, he wasn’t entirely in the mood to keep quiet, either.

“You’re not understanding me,” Louis said, trying to speak with a tone that might appease Gareth. “All I’m saying is that, at events where I’m left sitting on my own for the majority of the time, it’s pointless being there. I wouldn’t complain if I was by your side, networking and schmoozing with you or whatever. But, darling, I’m not needed there if I’m away from you for the entire time.”

“It looks better if I have someone with me. A plus-one.”

“And that’s exactly how I always feel. Just a plus-one.”

Gareth seemed to have calmed down a little, but he still wouldn’t look at Louis. Finally, he rolled his eyes.

“Alright, fine. I’ll make more of an effort to include you. And if I think it’s something that I don’t need you on my arm for, I won’t ask you to come.”

“Thanks,” Louis mumbled, unsatisfied but happy to leave the discussion there. “Now, come and give me a cuddle.”

Gareth hesitated, before moving close to Louis and draping his arms around him. Louis cuddled into him and sighed.

“Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Gareth murmured, his voice just as cold as before. He still hadn’t looked Louis in the eye.

-

After they had unpacked, there was a knock on the door, and Louis presumed it was the guy who was acting as Gareth’s personal assistant. Gareth was a VIP guest of the festival, and they were pulling all the stops out for him. Since he didn’t have a personal assistant - unless you counted Louis acting as one on occasion - they were sending one of their people for him.

Gareth opened the door, and Louis tried to busy himself with hanging up some shirts.

“Hello, are you Gareth Tate?”

“That’s me.”

“Ah! Hiya.”

Louis glanced over. The man at the door was smiling brightly and holding his hand out. Gareth shook it and Louis bit back a smirk. This guy’s smiley, eager demeanour was probably infuriating for Gareth after their argument. Gareth never did cope very well with people being happier than him.

“I’m Harry,” the guy at the door continued. “I’m here to liaise between yourself and the peeps down at the festival, help you out with anything you need, make sure you stay safe… all that good stuff. I gave a GI for you - you know, a schedule - and that’s just got my phone number at the top if you need anything from me at all. Any questions?”

Gareth looked a bit blindsided by all the information, and he took the papers from Harry before shaking his head.

“Great! Okay, I’ll be off, but I’ll see you in an hour. I’ll be down in the lobby waiting for you.” Harry craned his neck around Gareth and lifted a hand in greeting to Louis. “Hello there!”

“Hiya,” Louis said, raising a hand back. “Louis.”

“Harry.” Harry returned to his usual standing position before nodding at Gareth. “Right, I’ll leave you alone. Absolutely wonderful to meet you both.”

Gareth shut the door, practically slamming it in Harry’s face, and turned to Louis with wide eyes. 

“Great. What an annoying bastard.”

-

Gareth seemed to warm to Harry somewhat, and vice versa once Gareth turned on the charm. The two of them were walking through the grassy backstage area, laughing and joking about whatever while Louis trailed behind, arms folded. They came across a particularly muddy patch of ground, and Harry offered his arm to steady Gareth as he navigated around it. Louis couldn’t quite manage it, and his brand new Vans became smeared with mud.

Harry told Gareth that he was due at an interview, so they all headed to the press tent.

“Sorry, looks like you’ll be standing around for a while,” Gareth told Louis. His tone was apologetic - Harry was next to them, after all - but his eyes portrayed… sarcasm? Spite? “Harry, you’ll look after him, won’t you?”

“Of course!”

Louis sighed inwardly. He would have loved to head out and watch some bands, but he knew he would have to be here for this stuff, and he would need to leave the backstage area with Gareth so that, when he was papped, they would be together.

“Would you like me to get you a drink?” Harry asked.

“Hm? Oh!” Louis smiled and shook his head. “No, lad. I can get my own drink. But come with me. You did say you would look after me, after all.”

Harry laughed, as if it were one big joke. If only it was funny.

“So, how long have you and Gareth been together?” Harry asked, clearly just making conversation. Louis would rather not talk about it, if he was honest, but he couldn’t be rude.

“Two years.” Louis nodded. “Yeah, we met at a VIP event I was working.”

“Cute!” Harry said. “Um, there’s a beer tent around this way. Unless you’d prefer a full bar?”

“Beer’s fine.”

Louis followed Harry around to the beer tent. There were clusters of people dotted about, some of whom Louis recognised from other events and the such. Other socialites, some lesser famous actors or musicians. 

After the other night at the club, when that guy started talking to Louis but left when he realised he was Gareth’s boyfriend, Louis had been pondering it. Did Gareth really have a reputation? Did their whole, wider circle know how possessive and jealous Gareth could be?

Maybe they knew how controlling he was. And… mentally, Louis paused.  _ Gareth was controlling. _ He had never formed it into words like that before and, now that he had, he felt scared.

Louis jerked back into reality and realised Harry had been speaking to him.

“...But I wasn’t sure that would be able to pay my rent, anyway.”

“Right,” Louis replied as they approached the beer tent. “You having one?”

Harry tilted his head and smiled, flashing his teeth. “No, no. I can’t. Can’t drink on the job.”

“Not even at a festival?” Louis asked with fake outrage. “Fine.”

Louis got himself a beer and they strolled back towards the press tent. He looked up at the sky. It was overcast, and the sun was trying its hardest to break through the clouds but not quite managing it. Seemed about right. Louis felt like he needed to brace himself for the weather to worsen. 

“You two are a really good looking couple, you know,” Harry said, sounding shy at admitting it. “I was glad when I was told I’d be assisting Gareth. I just find him so cool. I used to love his videos, you know. I mean, I still do.”

Whatever lowkey gossip was circulating about Gareth, Harry clearly hadn’t got wind of any of it, so Louis just smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. And thanks.”

They arrived back at the press tent, and Harry excused himself to check on Gareth. He smiled regretfully at Louis when he returned.

“Could still be a while,” he told Louis. “This kind of thing must end up getting really boring for you.”

Louis’ heart panged. Talk about hitting a nerve. He composed himself, smiling politely at Harry.

“Ah, yeah. Boyfriend duty for someone like Gareth can get kind of tedious.”

“You must get to go to some wicked parties, though!”

“Um…” Louis cleared his throat. “So, what exactly is it you do? Are you always an assistant?”

“Ugh, no. I’m a really badly paid dogsbody.” Harry grinned broadly. “I work for an agency, really. I pop up at events like this to assist with whatever I’m needed to do. No two days are the same for me, you know?”

“Sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It’s hard work, but it’s great experience.”

Louis nodded and took a swig of beer. It was starting to get warm, clutched in his hand. He felt a little antsy, if he was honest. He couldn’t quite pinpoint why, but he wondered if it was something to do with Harry being there. Louis was fully used to waiting for Gareth for hours on end all on his own.

“So, after Gareth finishes his interview, you guys will head out of gate C, where some of the paps are waiting. That’ll take you through to the VIP area, and then it’s a short walk to the main stage.”

“Cool.”

“Gareth should get something up on Instagram soon. I can take a photo of the both of you, if you’d like.”

Louis squinted against the sun, which had finally broken through the clouds. 

“Um… yeah, he’ll probably just upload of one of him on his own.”

“Okay.”

Maybe it was Louis’ imagination, but the atmosphere had turned awkward. Luckily, Gareth emerged minutes later.

“Hi,” Gareth said warmly, walking over and draping an arm around Louis. “Hope you two weren’t bored without me.”

“We’ve been just fine!” Harry said. “We went over to get Louis a beer, and then we’ve just been chatting.”

Louis felt Gareth’s hold tense. “Oh, right.”

“We were just discussing the schedule, and Harry says you should probably post to Instagram soon.”

“Oh! Of course. What am I like?” Gareth let go of Louis and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Lou, take a photo of me.”

-

Once they headed over to the main stage to actually watch some performances, Harry stayed with them but held back a bit, not only to enable them to feel like they had a bit of privacy, but so that if they were photographed, it was just the two of them.

They spent the whole day watching performances whenever they could slot it in during gaps in Gareth’s schedule. Louis trailed after Gareth all day, and when they returned to the VIP area for dinner, Louis was absolutely exhausted.

“You’ll have to find energy from somewhere,” Gareth told him. “Tonight is when we really party.”

“Can we not just take it easy tonight? We were up so early.”

“Well, you know I have to go to these things.” Gareth blinked at Louis. “I guess we don’t have to stay out too late.”

“Thank you,” Louis said, trying to hide his relieved sigh. “We don’t have an early start tomorrow, do we?”

“Nothing until the afternoon,” Harry interjected from the other side of Gareth.

“Great.” Louis nodded. “Well, let’s catch up on sleep tonight and we can party as long as you want tomorrow.

“Deal,” Gareth replied.

“Aww!” Harry cooed, grinning.

Louis let out a little laugh, despite himself. “Well, okay. I feel better now. I can party for a little bit.”

-

It hit 3am, and Louis was so tired he thought he might fall over.

“I’m not ready to go back,” Gareth told him, sighing as if Louis was merely an inconvenience. “You  _ said _ you were happy for us to stay out for a bit.”

“Gareth, we’ve been here for hours. I need to go to bed.” Louis folded his arms and shook his head wearily. “This morning you said that if you didn’t need me, you wouldn’t mind me not being here.”

“Fine.” Gareth looked over to Harry, who was chatting to someone close by. “Harry. Take Louis back to the hotel.”

“I don’t need a bloody escort.”

Gareth kept his eyes on Harry, who had hurried over. “Take him. Please.”

“Um, well… okay. Will you be alright here on your own?”

“Yup.”

Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Come on, Harry.”

Harry followed Louis in silence. They stopped by the cloakroom of the club to pick up their jackets, and then they took a short but quiet walk back to the hotel. When they arrived, Harry insisted on seeing Louis back up to his room.

“Are you okay?” Harry finally asked as they got into the lift.

“Just tired,” Louis replied automatically. “Um… sorry about Gareth.”

“Oh, it’s alright! I guess he’s tired too. At least you get to leave and go to sleep, huh? The poor guy had to stay and network. Boring.”

“Mm.” Louis covered his mouth with the back of his hand as he yawned. “I’m sorry. So, are you just supposed to stay with Gareth at, like, all times that he’s not here in the hotel?”

“Something like that. It’s a bit weird, but I guess it’s because it’s a weekend long event.”

Louis scoffed softly as they arrived at his room. “Or they know what he’s like and think he needs watching.”

Harry laughed, but quickly stopped when he realised Louis wasn’t. “Um…”

“Thanks for walking me back,” Louis said before Harry could speak. “See you tomorrow.”

Louis was too tired to even dwell on his tension with Gareth. Overthinking could wait for another day. He took a shower before curling up on his side of the bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Gareth rolled in at 6am, clumsily throwing himself into bed and cuddling up to Louis.

-

Louis woke up at 11am. They had obviously missed breakfast, but he ordered them both some brunch and then sat down on the bed next to Gareth. 

“Gareth?” Louis placed a hand on his arm. “Come on, love. Time to get up.”

Gareth groaned and pulled the duvet over his head. Louis rolled his eyes and picked up the schedule that was sitting on the desk. They didn’t need to get to the main site until 2pm, so they had a bit of time. Louis glanced at the top of the sheet of paper, which read  _ Harry Styles - Personal Assistant - 07491817894.  _ He threw it back down onto the desk.

“Gaz, you need to get up. Brunch is on its way.”

Gareth poked his head out from the duvet and huffed.

“Why did you order room service? Do you know how expensive stuff like that is in a place like this?”

Louis folded his arms. “Yeah, but the festival is paying.”

Gareth paused before nodding. “Right.”

“Anyway, I—”

Louis was interrupted by a knock on the door. He nodded at Gareth before heading over to open it. Once the food was delivered, Louis went to pick up a plate but Gareth stopped him.

“Come back to bed for a sec.”

“Come on, the food will go cold. It smells so good.”

“Just for a sec!”

Louis sighed, smiling slightly as he found the bed and slipped in next to Gareth, who pulled him close.

“Sorry about last night,” Gareth murmured with his lips against Louis’ forehead. “I know I’m a moody bastard, but obviously, I do love you. I don’t want you to be bored when you’re out with me.”

Louis sighed. “It’s okay. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate. Just… don’t take it out on me, okay? I’m on your side.”

“I won’t. I promise. And I’ll make it up to you once we get home.” Gareth pulled him closer. “Mm, if I had my way, we’d stay in bed all day today.”

“Hm, well.” Louis slipped out of his grasp and out of the bed. “You need to get up. We have food to eat, and then you need to shower. Badly.”

Gareth smiled sheepishly.

-

Louis and the weather were both sunny. He and Gareth walked around the site, both in good spirits, Harry trailing along behind them. It was a shame, really. Now that he and Gareth had chatted about stuff, he was enjoying himself, but they would be going home tomorrow morning. Still. If the good feeling could last until after they arrived back home at least, Louis would be grateful.

He and Gareth swung by one of the smaller stages so that Louis could watch a band that he liked, but Gareth had to get back for a series of interviews.

“Are you hungry?” Harry asked Gareth. “I can go and pick you up some food. I think you’re gonna be stuck in here for, like, three hours.”

_ Three hours? _ Louis’ heart sunk. What was he going to do for three hours? Gareth must have had the same thought, because he was looking closely at Louis.

“Um, I’ll be fine. But, Lou, why don’t you go off and have some fun? You don’t wanna hang around here just waiting for me. I’ll call you when I’m done.”

“Alright.” Louis nodded, smiling. “Thanks.”

So, Gareth went off to do his interviews and whatever else, and Louis headed out to enjoy the festival on his own. Right away, he felt more free than he had in a while. He and Gareth tended to be so dependent on each other and, aside from work, Louis never really did anything on his own.

He watched some bands that he knew Gareth would never want to watch, drank some beer, got himself a questionable burger dripping with grease. It was, all in all, a very pleasant afternoon. He wondered about it. Maybe he and Gareth did spend too much time together. Was it unhealthy? He didn’t know, but what he did know was that he was rather enjoying being on his own.

When he returned to the backstage area, he spotted Harry and made his way over.

“Hi, Louis.” Harry smiled placatingly. “There’s a slight delay, I’m afraid. Gareth won’t be finished for another ten minutes or so.”

“Ah, that’s okay.”

Harry smiled again, seemingly relieved at Louis’ reaction. “Was it okay? Being on your own? Bet it was a bit boring.”

“Actually… it was really nice.” Louis grinned. “I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be on my own.”

Harry frowned slightly and tilted his head sideways, but corrected himself somewhat and fixed his face with a polite smile.

“Ah, well. I’m glad you had a nice time!”

Louis nodded in place of a reply, not really knowing what to say. “So, um… you’ve just been… standing here, then?”

“I ran around a bit checking if Gareth’s other bits and pieces are running to schedule, I got him a coffee, I rang my mum…. I’ve kept myself occupied.”

Louis grinned. “Oh. Good.”

“I bet you weren’t expecting this weekend to be so boring, huh?”

Louis shrugged. “Ah. I’m used to it. When Gareth and I first started going out, there were a lot of events that I looked forward to which just ended up being disappointing. I no longer expect to actually enjoy any of these things.”

“That’s sad,” Harry said, pouting as he leaned against a barrier.

“I’m used to it,” Louis repeated.

-

Gareth finished his interviews and they got to watch a few more bands together before he had to disappear off for yet another obligation. As the day drew to a close and nighttime fell, Louis was true to his word and accompanied Gareth to a club with minimum fuss. Gareth kept Louis with him this time, the two of them dancing and dancing until Louis couldn’t feel his feet and, as dawn was beginning to break outside, they snogged on the dancefloor to the last song before being chucked out at closing time.

Louis woke up the next morning with a banging headache and a vague idea that he and Gareth had had sex last night. He made it into the bathroom before throwing up into the sink, then got in the shower, sat on the floor and fell asleep under the spray, where Gareth found him a little while later.

“Honestly,” Gareth said with a chuckle. “You’re something else.”

“Thank you,” Louis mumbled miserably. “Thank God we’re going home today.”

“Mm. I just have a meeting with one of the organisers and my agent. It’s gonna be really boring. Sorry, but we have to check out first. Maybe you can hang out with Harry, or something.”

“Okay, sure. I’m not sure how up for his enthusiasm I’ll be today, but he’s nice.”

Gareth shot him a look that almost crumbled his tentative good mood. Despite his wretched hangover, Louis had felt pleased, as he reckoned they had turned a corner. He just had to remember not to say things that he knew would upset Gareth.  _ He’s just too enthusiastic, that Harry,  _ Louis thought,  _ just a kid. It’s annoying.  _ Saying these things out loud might make Gareth feel better, but Louis knew that, with him, it was better to just… stop talking. Gareth could smell gratuitous appeasement a mile away.

They packed up their things and checked out of the hotel, swinging by the restaurant afterwards for a late breakfast. Louis shovelled a Full English into his mouth, and it made him feel a lot better. He contemplated just finding somewhere to take a nap, but he didn’t think Gareth would like that and anyway, Harry would be all on his own, too.

They hung out in the bar of the hotel, sitting in comfy armchairs that looked out of the window at the countryside. They chatted idly while Louis watched the clouds roll in, the sky become dark, and it started to drizzle. He sighed to himself, feeling his heart sink slightly.

“Isn’t this just perfect?” Harry said with a delighted sigh. “There is nothing - and I repeat, nothing - better than watching the rain fall across the countryside.”

“Nothing?” Louis asked sceptically. “What about, like, food? Or sex? Or a really cold beer at the end of a really busy day?”

“I’m not really a beer drinker, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Louis smirked, turning his head to look out of the window. “And? What about the rest?”

“Well, I mean, yeah. I  _ love _ to eat.”

Louis laughed. “Right.”

Harry chuckled quietly, eyes dancing cheekily. Louis felt himself instantly warm to him. He liked Harry well enough, but he kind of felt as if they were bonding. 

That thought made Louis immediately anxious, not to mention guilty. Gareth wasn’t overly keen on Louis having male friends. It was that whole jealousy thing again. On the one hand, it made Louis feel good that Gareth cared enough to get so worked up, but it could be annoying. Gareth had been rude to Niall on more than one occasion, and that just wasn’t okay. It was why Niall always coddled him. Louis reckoned Niall thought that Gareth spoke to him like that all the time, which he absolutely didn’t.

Louis continued to enjoy his time waiting for Gareth with Harry, though. Harry told him that he was studying law at university part time, and that he was from Holmes Chapel in Cheshire, which was a couple of hours from where Louis was from.

“I was supposed to go home this weekend,” Louis said surprised at the twinge of sadness in his tone. “But I had to cancel to come here.”

“Yeah?”

“My mum was  _ not _ happy,” Louis said, letting out a laugh. “I’ve been a bit… flaky recently.”

“Mums have a hard time letting go, I think.” Harry sighed with a smile. “My mum’s the same. She’s never happy with how much I visit.”

Louis smiled and nodded, knowing full well that he had been completely unfair to his mum and it was more than just her not being able to let go. He didn’t know Harry well enough to elaborate, nor did he have the desire to talk about it. In fact, he was actually pretty ashamed about it.

“Yeah,” Louis murmured in agreement. “I’m going to ring her when I get home, rearrange my visit.”

“It is nice going home though, isn’t it? Home cooked meals, laundry done, sleeping in your old room… there’s nothing like it.”

“Mm.”

Life had been so simple when Louis had lived at home. In daylight, the house was always bustling with life. Little sister Lottie came along when Louis was six, and Felicite came two years later. Four years passed before the twins followed, and so as Louis entered his teens he had four younger sisters running around the house, screaming and giggling. As Louis got older, stayed up later, he would see the house in a different light. Once night fell, a quietness came over the house. It was eerie at first, but Louis learned to appreciate it, to appreciate the moments he got to spend with his mum, one on one.

His trips home nowadays were all too short. The girls were all far quieter, but his mum was kept busy with her second set of twins, Ernest and Doris. They were eighteen months, now, and Louis secretly hated that he wasn’t living at home to watch them grow up.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and Louis’ anxiety was starting to hit the roof. All of a sudden, he just wanted to go home.

“Gosh,” Harry remarked. “This is gonna be a nightmare to drive home in, isn’t it?”

“How long do you think Gareth will be?” Louis asked, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. His stomach was beginning to cramp. “Hold that thought.”

Louis leapt up and dashed towards the toilets. As he splashed water on his face, he wondered if he should see someone about his anxiety. It wasn’t there all the time, but sometimes it just hit him and overwhelmed him to the point that he felt like he needed to get out of his skin. Most of the time, like now, he couldn’t quite pinpoint what had triggered it. He wanted to blame the weather, but deep down, he knew he had to take more responsibility for it.

When he came out of the toilets, Harry was standing and hovering nearby. He looked worried, and Louis felt guilty.

“Are you okay?”

“Sorry.” Louis rubbed his forehead. “Just felt a bit unwell.”

Harry frowned. “Anything I can do?”

“I think I need a drink.”

Harry cocked an eyebrow. “It’s barely lunchtime.”

“I just need to… calm a bit.” Louis headed towards the bar at the bar side of the lobby, hearing Harry trot after him. “Don’t judge me.”

“I’m not.”

Louis slipped onto a bar stool and turned to grin at Harry. “You are. A little bit.”

“I was just surprised,” Harry said with a smile.

“Well, I promise I’m not an alcoholic.”

Louis ordered a glass of white wine and even from his first sip he started to feel better. It was probably psychological, rather than chemical, but he continued to sip.

“To answer your previous question, I reckon Gareth should be back anytime soon.”

Louis put his glass down on the bar. Once Gareth got back, they could start their journey home and everything would be okay. Everything could go back to normal.

“Oh! Here he is.”

Louis spun around on his stool and saw Gareth entering the lobby. He was with a man that Louis didn’t recognise, laughing away and touching him on the arm. Louis narrowed his eyes. If this were the other way around, Gareth would be upset. Positively furious. Louis wasn’t necessarily a jealous person as such, but when Gareth stepped even further into the man’s space and grabbed his waist, Louis felt sick. He couldn’t help it. He told himself he was overreacting, but when he turned to look at Harry, Harry was looking at him carefully.

“Who’s that?” Louis asked as casually as he could manage.

“Not sure,” Harry replied, an equally faux-casual tone. “Driver?”

“Hm, no.”

“His agent?”

Louis sighed inwardly. “That’s not his agent.”

Gareth spotted them and hastily said goodbye to his companion before heading over to the bar. He smiled a tight smile at Louis, before his eyes quickly found the half-drunk glass of wine.

“What’s this?” He blinked, staring at the glass. “Liquid lunch?”

“Um—”

“Oh, that’s mine,” Harry said with a slight laugh. “I had a bowl of pasta, too. Louis said you guys hadn’t long ate, but I ate breakfast hours ago. I was ravenous.”

“Oh.” Gareth looked at Harry, then at the glass, then back to Harry. “Fine.”

Louis looked at Harry to try and convey his thanks through his eyes, but Harry was smiling easily at Gareth. Louis wasn’t sure Gareth was convinced, but he seemed to accept it anyway. 

“Well, I think we’re ready to go. Our car’s outside.”

“Ooh, hang on.” Harry leapt out of his seat. “Wait here for a sec.”

He disappeared down a corridor, which was odd. Louis watched him leave, before turning to Gareth.

“Hi. How was it?”

“Fine.”

Louis nodded. “Who was that?”

“Who was who?”

“The guy you came in with.”

“Oh.” Gareth shrugged. “Just the bloke who interviewed me. Why?”

Louis shook his head. “No, no. Just wondering.”

Gareth looked as though he was about to say something, but Harry reappeared, carrying two tote bags.

“Just some gifts from the organisers. They’re not exactly the Oscars gift bags, but…”

“Oh, thanks!” Louis replied with a smile, shouldering his tote bag. “That’s awesome.”

“Thanks,” Gareth said, taking the bag and immediately handing it off to Louis. “And thanks for everything this weekend, Harry.”

“You’re welcome!”

“Thank you,” Louis said, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You’ve been really great.”

“Aww! And thank  _ you. _ You’ve been great company.”

Louis followed Gareth out to the car and, as soon as they got in and closed the door, Gareth stared at Louis as he fastened his seatbelt.

“What was all  _ that _ about, then?”

“All what?” Louis asked, frowning.

“All  _ that. _ ‘You’ve been great!’ ‘You’ve been great company!’ Great, great, great.”

Louis swallowed. His anxiety was creeping back, but even aside from that, he was getting irritated. What did Gareth expect? That Louis and Harry would spend time together and just not talk? Did he want them to thoroughly dislike being in each other’s company?

“I had to amuse myself somehow when you were gone.” Louis rolled his eyes as he stared out of the window. “I made a friend, is that such a bloody crime?”

He expected Gareth to blow up, but instead, he fell silent. Louis glanced at him after a minute and he was staring out of his window, muscle in his jaw twitching. That was when the guilt started to set in for Louis. Gareth often expressed his jealousy through anger, and it was easy for Louis to forget how hurt he must be, deep down. Louis sighed. 

“Look, you really don’t have anything to worry about. Ever. Come on, Gareth. It’s me.”

Gareth looked down at the floor and gave an almost imperceptible shake of the head. 

-

The first thing that Louis did when he got to work was find space in his schedule to make a visit home. He had to work the coming Friday and Saturday, since he had just had this weekend off, but he could travel up to Doncaster on Sunday morning and return Monday night. He decided he would put his foot down and not even ask Gareth’s permission. He would simply  _ tell _ Gareth he was going, and he was prepared to deal with the consequences.

He sent his mum a text, but she didn’t reply. She was probably sceptical, and he wouldn’t blame her if she was. Louis, however, would make it home this time, no matter what.

Come Saturday, Louis was getting ready for work as Gareth sat at the dining table, tapping away at his laptop. Louis pulled a jumper over his head as he took a deep breath.

“Um, I’m going to my mum’s tomorrow morning. I’ll be back Monday night.”

“What?” Gareth shut his laptop with a loud slap. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Now. I’m telling you now.”

“Less than twenty-four hours before you go?”

Louis grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and rubbed it on his jumper.

“I really, really have to go, Gaz. I can’t let Mum down again.”

Gareth stood up. “It’s funny how you never arrange your visits with me, so that I can come with you.”

“You already told me last week that you don’t like spending time with my family,” Louis snapped back. “Why on earth would I schedule a visit around you?”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“It’s hard enough for me to find the time to go up there as it is.” Louis headed towards the door. “And I’ll be going, no matter what last-minute plans crop up.”

-

As soon as the train pulled out of King’s Cross station, Louis breathed a sigh of relief. He was going home, he actually was. In just an hour and a half, he would be pulling into Doncaster train station, and in under two hours he would be curled up on the sofa, drinking tea with his mum. He couldn’t wait. Now that he was officially on his way, he could barely remember why he didn’t visit more often. After all, the fast trains didn’t take very long at all. Still, they were fairly expensive, and the cheaper trains were a lot slower.

And, Louis reminded himself, Gareth kept him very busy.

He resolved to put Gareth out of his mind for the time being and focus on reading his book and relaxing. There was something he just loved about train journeys. To make the situation that much better, it was a clear, sunny morning. Cold, but fresh.

Louis adjusted his headphones and put his book down. He had friends up in Doncaster that he basically never saw, and didn’t really speak to much, aside from exchanging birthday messages on Facebook ever year. Maybe he would see if anyone was about. But not until the evening. He had to use today to soak up the precious time he would have with his sisters and brother.

When Louis realised he only had twenty minutes until the train arrived at Doncaster, he rifled through his bag to find his house keys. He kept them on a separate bunch to his London keys, as he didn’t trust himself not to lose the entire lot. He frowned as he looked. He hadn’t properly cleared out his overnight bag since last weekend’s trip to the festival, and he had mini toiletries and paperwork squashed underneath the clothes he had hastily stuffed in on top. He found his keys right at the bottom, and a piece of paper fell out of his bag with them.

He unfolded it. It was ripped in the top left corner where it had come away from a staple, and Louis recognised it immediately as the front page of Gareth’s festival schedule. Louis stared at the phone number at the top of the page, before folding it back up and stuffing it back into his bag.

Louis would prefer not to think about last weekend, if he was honestly. Sure, there had been some good parts of the weekend, but the up-and-down trips were probably the worst. Just when Louis would think things were looking up and they would be okay, they would fall out again. And just when things would hit rock bottom, Gareth always managed, somehow, to redeem himself.

The scenery out of the window was beginning to look familiar to Louis, and he threw his headphones and book into his bag. He was home.

-

Jay was stood in the kitchen, arms folded.

“Well, well, well.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Look who  _ actually _ turned up.”

“Mum, I feel so awful about letting you down. Please don’t make me feel any worse? I’m here now.”

“Yes. You are.” She surged towards him, crashing into him and pulling him close. “I missed you so much. I just worry about you.”

“I know you do.”

“Please tell me you’re not just here for the day.”

“I’m heading back tomorrow evening. You have me for the best part of two days.”

“Well, that’ll have to do. I’ll make the tea.” She turned to flick on the kettle. “Now, Fiz and Lottie are both out and about, But Phoebe and Daisy are with the babies upstairs.”

“I’ll pop up and see them.” Louis stepped forward to kiss his mother on the cheek.

-

Both sets of twins absolutely wore themselves out with their excitement of Louis being home - Jay hadn’t told any of Louis’ siblings, just in case he didn’t turn up again - and after lunch, the younger twins went down for a nap while Phoebe and Daisy went upstairs to play for a bit.

Louis and Jay moved to the sofa and drank wine, in silence at first. It was kind of awkward. The air was taut with tension, and Louis felt as if his mother had something to say. He wished she would just spit it out.

“How’s work?” she asked.

“Ah, yeah. Fine.”

“And how is… Niall?”

“Yeah, Niall. He’s doing well.”

Jay cleared her throat. “Oh, good. And how’s Gareth?”

Her tone was casual, but he knew the question was forced. Louis knew his answer would sound equally as forced. Why did they do this?

“Good.”

“Oh. Good.”

The silence stretched on and on, becoming so awkward that Louis wanted the floor beneath him to open up, swallow him whole. It shouldn’t have been like that. It never used to be like that.

“How are things with him these days?”

Louis felt dread and embarrassment wash over him. What could he say? What was she expecting him to say?

“Fine.” 

Jay sighed. “Louis. Why won’t you ever talk to me?” She watched him carefully. “I can tell that something isn’t right.”

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, shoving his hands between his thighs because he could feel them shaking. “It’s  _ fine, _ Mum.”

“Louis, I—” Jay paused and sighed. “I don’t believe you.”

He wished she would stop pushing. It was none of her business. Besides, if she continued. He was going to cry. If he cried, he would tell her stuff and then she would  _ really _ think something was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Louis just had a tendency to overreact.

“Did you ever think that maybe this is why I didn’t come home?” Louis snapped, hearing and regretting his tone but not being able to stop himself. “Maybe I don’t want to be completely interrogated about my love life.”

“No, darling,” Jay said, undeterred and unshaken by Louis’ outburst. “I think you’ve not been coming home because Gareth doesn’t want you to.”

_ You’re wrong, you’re wrong, _ Louis yelled inside his brain. Another voice; faint, distant, buried, seemed to agree with the horrible, sinking feeling in his gut.

“No,” he finally scoffed.

“Okay.”

“No!” Louis repeated, a little louder than necessary. “That’s not it at all.”

“You used to come home twice a month before you started seeing him.”

“We have a busy life! He’s a celebrity, Mum, what do you expect?”

Jay wrinkled her nose at the word  _ celebrity. _ Louis knew she was only saying these things because she cared - that was completely evident all over her face - but he still didn’t think it gave her the right to interfere.

“Look,” Louis said with a sigh. “I’m sorry that I don’t come home as much as I used to. But I have a life down in London, now. My relationship is a priority.” Louis paused and took a deep breath. “Gareth is my family now.”

Jay stared down at the floor. Her expression remained almost unchanged, but the very subtle expression on her face absolutely shattered Louis’ heart.

“All I want is for you to be okay,” she replied quietly.

And suddenly, Louis wanted to be sick. She didn’t say ‘I want you to be happy.’ _ I want you to be okay _ meant that not only did she think something was wrong… she thought something was really,  _ really _ wrong. 

Louis felt like something was crashing down around him, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. It wasn’t that his life was crumbling, but a realisation had slapped him around the face like a wet fish. His mother had a sharp instinct, and if she thought something was up, something was usually up.

With a cough and a gasp, Louis burst into tears. Within a heartbeat, he found himself smothered in his mother’s embrace.

“Lou.” She sighed. “It’s okay.”

“It isn’t, though. Apparently.”

Jay pulled him away and looked him in the eyes sternly. “I really think you need to start talking.”

Louis took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s fine. Really, it is. I just… Okay, look. I’ve never really, like… said stuff out loud or even formed thoughts, so…”

“Take your time.”

Louis frowned. “I just… I don’t know. I kind of don’t feel like he sees us as equals. Everything revolves around  _ his _ job and  _ his _ life and  _ his _ jealousy. I mean… if I talk to another guy he gets upset with me, but if I call him out on flirting with men he tells me I’m overreacting.”

“Mmhmm.”

“The guilt trips are the worst thing.” Louis let out a sob. “When I say I’m tired, he guilts me into going out. When we’re out and I’m bored because he’s left me alone again, he tells me I’m being selfish.”

“What about your trips home, hm?”

“Here?” Louis shrugged. “It’s not like he doesn’t let me come. That’s not fair. It’s just him, yet again, not letting me have any priorities of my own and making other plans on my behalf.”

“Darling, that’s very controlling.”

“He’s just selfish and far too focused on his career.” Louis shook his head. “I just need to have a long chat with him, I think.”

“Louis—”

“Mum, I know you think I’m in some kind of terrible danger, or something, but honestly. It’s just a difficult patch right now. I’ll be happy again. Gareth and I will be happy again.”

Jay opened and then closed her mouth, words dying on her lips. She shook her head and sighed.

“All I want is for you to promise you’ll come home and see me more. And when you do, I want you to be totally honest about how you’re doing.”

“Okay. I promise. I’m going to talk to him, I swear. And the first thing I’m saying is that I have to come home at least once a month.”

“Twice,” Jay said. Louis raised his eyebrows and she sighed. “Okay. Once. At least.”

-

They didn’t discuss Gareth again, and Louis had a wonderful day with his siblings before meeting up with some old school friends for a pint. On Monday, Jay took the day off of work to spend time with him, the two of them just running errands, but it was pleasant to just be together. Louis had missed this. Secretly… he fantasised about moving back up north one day. London was fine, but Louis was a northern boy, through and through. Maybe when gareth’s career began to peter out, he would consider it. Louis would never say that to Gareth, of course. He didn’t think Gareth ever envisioned his career petering out, even though it was completely unsustainable.

Louis supposed he would cross that particular bridge when he came to it.

“What time’s your train?” Jay asked.

“Quarter past nine.”

“So, you’re here for dinner?” she replied brightly.

“Yeah.” Louis nodded. “One last dinner with you lot and I’m back down south.”

Jay frowned, but said nothing. She never did do well with Louis going back home.

His siblings didn’t either. After dinner, he said his goodbyes to them all. There were tears, and Louis absolutely hated it. Jay walked him to the station afterwards in a solemn silence. This situation was far weightier for her than for Louis’ sisters and brother. Louis could tell she didn’t want to let him go.

But she had to. She walked him onto the platform and, when the train pulled in, she squeezed him so tightly that he thought his eyes would pop out of his head.

“Darling,” she muttered in his ear. “Don’t let him run your life.”

Louis sighed. “I’ll see you soon.”

-

“You’re late,” Gareth said, not looking up from his laptop. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d still be up.”

Gareth closed his laptop and put his glasses on the bedside table.

“How come you got such a late train back?” He placed his laptop on the floor, propping it up against his drawers. “Well, I presume you did. Unless you’ve been somewhere else.”

“It’s not that late. Plus, I wanted to stay home as long as I could.” Louis paused. “I didn’t even get the last train.”

“Mm.” Gareth picked up his phone and scrolled. “Well, did you have fun?”

“Ah, it was lovely. The babies are getting so big!”

“Aw, great. Listen, there’s a YouTube convention thing coming up in a few weeks. I would let you off as I know you don’t like coming to my things, but I think I’m going to need you to act as my personal assistant for the day.”

Louis bit his tongue, letting the passive aggressive dig slide.

“Um, okay. If it’s a few weeks away, it should be fine.”

“It’ll probably be fairly boring for you, as I’ll be busy for the whole day. But hopefully you’ll be kept busy yourself.” Gareth looked at him. “I’ll pay you, if you want.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Of course you don’t have to pay me. I’d be happy to do it.”

“Good.” Gareth smiled as Louis slid into bed beside him. “Missed you.”

It sounded gratuitous to Louis, said because it should be said. He hadn’t forgotten that he needed to have a serious chat with Gareth, but tonight wasn’t the time.

Louis decided to wait for a good mood day.

-

Niall had been seeing someone and he wouldn’t shut up about it, even when Louis was trying to concentrate on doing the rotas.

“And she went to Rome for the weekend and brought me back a keyring!”

“How thoughtful.”

“Shut up!” Niall said with a laugh. “She was thinking of me, which is nice. Isn’t it? I think it’s nice. I missed her so much. I practically jumped into her arms when I saw her.”

Louis tried not to think about the lukewarm reception he had received when he came home from Doncaster. Some people weren’t as passionate, which was fine. Besides, Niall was still in that honeymoon period. Louis had no business comparing their situations.

“How was your trip home?”

“Ah, it was great. I wish I could go home more.”

Niall just nodded, peering at the rota over Louis’ shoulder.

“Right, I’m gonna head out and do some work.”

“Good idea,” Louis called as Niall left the room.

Louis scheduled himself off for the weekend of the YouTube convention, before checking the time. Good. He finished his shift in twenty minutes. Gareth was off doing something work-related, so Louis thought he might order a pizza and watch a film.

He finished the rota, clicked save and headed out to the bar. It was quiet, so he and Niall grabbed a tea towel each and dried up a tray of glasses. 

“I fancy popping home myself, although I’ve just got so much going on.”

“Ugh, same. That’s why it took me so long to get home. My mum wasn’t pleased.”

“I have to go back at  _ some _ point.” Niall smiled. “I have to bring my girl to meet my family!”

“Slow down, Niall,” Louis replied with a grin. “You’ve only been going out a few weeks.”

“She’s the one, Lou!” Niall draped his free arm around Louis’ shoulders. “And I  _ need _ to convince you to come on a night out so that you can meet her.”

“Soon,” Louis reassured him. “Promise.”

“Hello,” a voice from their left said. “What’s all this?”

Louis turned towards the sound of Gareth’s voice, feeling Niall’s arm drop from his shoulders.

“Hi!” Louis said with a smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I finished early and I wasn’t too far away, so I thought I’d come and surprise you, take you out for dinner.” Gareth flicked his eyes over to Niall. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Niall just slinked off to the other end of the bar, and Louis moved closer to Gareth.

“Of course not. Just finishing up.”

“Great. I really want to treat you tonight.”

“Yeah?” Louis replied, a smile spreading across his face. “Well, let me just go and get my things.”

-

Over dinner, Gareth behaved like the respectful, charming man that Louis fell in love with. When they headed home, they got off a tube stop early to take a leisurely walk the rest of the way, passing by the outside of their local park.

“This is nice,” Gareth said, turning his head to smile softly at Louis. “We really should make more room for downtime, shouldn’t we? We’re so  _ go go go _ all the time. It’s just great to… slow down and enjoy each other’s company.”

“I completely agree.” The demons inside Louis’ mind wondered if Gareth was high or something. “We  _ should _ make more time for each other. That reminds me, actually. I wanted to have a bit of a chat with you about things.”

“Oh?”

Louis squeezed Gareth’s hand where it was clutched in his own.

“I just feel a bit like our life revolved around you and your job. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s important, and you know I respect that. But it just makes our relationship feel a little unbalanced to me. Not only that, you know, we live together and we always go out together, half of the time that you’re working I’m with you and I think we need to have more time alone, away from each other.”

“Well, I thought that was why you went and got yourself a job. God knows you didn’t need to.”

“I know, but I feel like I need some leisure time for myself, as well.”

Gareth took a deep breath and huffed it out. “Right. Okay.”

“Please try to understand, love. Can you see where I’m coming from?”

Gareth shrugged. “I just feel a bit like you’re trying to pull away from me a bit. I mean, first you tell me you don’t wanna come with me to my work stuff, and now this.”

“We’re dependent on each other,” Louis said frankly. “That’s not right. It’s not healthy.”

Gareth slipped his hand out of Louis’ and folded his arms. “I knew this would happen. Your mum has never liked me.”

“What?” Louis asked, frowning. “What’s this got to do with my mum?”

“I know she’s put these ideas in your head. It’s clear as day.”

“Gareth…” Louis sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I need this from you, okay? I need this to continue to be happy in this relationship. Do you understand that?”

“Yeah, fine.” Gareth dropped his arms and pushed his hands into his pockets. “If it’s what you want…”

“It is.” Louis nodded.

They walked the rest of the way home in silence. Well, the chat had gone better than Louis had dared to hope. Not perfect, but it was fine. As long as Gareth adhered to Louis’ wishes, then things would soon be starting to look up.

-

Louis ordered them a car to take them to the YouTube convention. Gareth had a packed schedule of meet and greets, panels, and interviews. Louis, acting as his personal assistant, would be with Gareth practically every moment of the day, so hopefully he wouldn’t have much opportunity to become bored. Once they arrived, Louis checked Gareth in and chatted with one of the talent handlers.

“Here’s the general schedule,” the woman said, handing Louis a piece of paper that looked identical to the schedule he had on his phone. “Mr. Tate’s latest schedule will be along in a minute. Your handler has it.”

“Oh, we have a specific handler?”

“Hello again!”

Louis looked over his shoulder and couldn’t help but grin when he saw Harry saunter towards them. He heard Gareth sigh quietly beside him.

“Hi!” Louis said. “Don’t tell me  _ you _ are our handler.”

“Yeah! I requested Gareth especially.”

“Hiya,” Gareth said, waving dutifully. 

“Hey! I said to them, ‘Hey, I’ve worked with Gareth Tate before, he knows me.’ They were happy to assign you to me. Or, me to you. Whatever.”

“Well, that’s great,” Louis said. “I’m acting as Gareth’s assistant today, so I suppose we’ll be seeing each other.”

“Yep.” Harry handed them both a copy of a schedule. “Right. Here is your very latest, up to date, to the very minute schedule. These things always end up running a little late, but we have to try our best to stick to it. So, if you’re on a scheduled break and we’re running a few minutes late, we ask that you get somewhere at the time listed. Unless, of course, we’re running  _ super _ late and you only have, like, a two minute lunch, of course.”

“Alright,” Louis replied, casting his eyes over the schedule. “Sounds good.”

“But I’ll find you and keep you updated. I’m looking after three artists today, and you’ll all be roughly at the same place at the same time so I’ll always be nearby.”

“Thank you,” Louis said.

“Right!” Harry said cheerfully. “Follow me!”

-

Louis tapped the rolled-up schedule against his thigh as he watched Gareth do a meet and greet session. He was incredibly patient for somebody who hated doing meet and greets. He considered it a  _ necessary evil _ of his job, meeting his fans. Still, Louis supposed meeting dozens and dozens of people - mostly young girls - who adore you would probably get old pretty quickly.

In a weird way, it was sort of like dating a rock star. Sort of. Gareth rarely got recognised in the street or anything like that, but it was amusing to watch the excited expressions on the faces of those who have paid and waited in line to meet him. There were probably people out there, male and female, who were jealous of Louis.

“So,” Harry asked, leaning against a wall. Louis jerked his eyes away from Gareth. “Did you make it home, then? To see your mum?”

Louis raised his eyebrows. “You remember that?”

“Sure.”

“Yeah, I did,” Louis smiled warmly. “I was home for two glorious days.”

“Aw. Bet your mum was chuffed.”

“Absolutely.” Louis sighed. “She made me promise to come home at least once a month.”

“Ah, well. Sounds like a very compelling excuse to make time for it.”

“Yeah.” Louis let out a small laugh before frowning. “Um, Harry, I never had the opportunity to thank you for what you did. You know… the wine?”

“Hm? Oh!” Harry scoffed and shook his head. “No need. Um… I think I know what happened. Did you have a panic attack?”

Louis looked away and cleared his throat. “That’s right, I did.”

“It happens. I’m no stranger to them myself. For me, at least, they can come on for absolutely no reason sometimes, and it’s hard to explain that to people.” Harry paused. “You should confide in Gareth about these things, though. He’ll understand.”

Louis sighed. He wouldn’t. “Yeah. Well, thank you.”

“Although, I’m not sure alcohol is really the  _ best _ way to deal with it.” Harry let out a chuckle. “I presume he didn’t push any further about it.”

“No. But I did get an earful about being so friendly with you.”

It came out of Louis’ mouth before he even realised he had said it. He really did prefer to keep the ins and outs of his private life to himself, as it was just that - private. It was a ridiculous notion, though. Louis hadn’t thought of Harry in that way in the slightest.

“Oh,” Harry said, before fixing his face with a naughty grin. “Well, a touch of jealousy can put a bit of fire into your love life, if you know what I’m saying.”

Louis snorted in amusement. “Yeah. A  _ touch _ can.”

“Uh oh,” Harry said with a giggle. “Um, so, do you have any siblings?”

Louis smirked. He loved the reaction from people when he answered this question.

“Yeah. Five sisters and a brother.”

_ “Five?”  _ Harry exclaimed.

Louis nodded. “Two sets of twins, two singulars.”

“Ha! Singulars.” Harry cocked an eyebrow. “So, always had a lot of women around when you were growing up. I really like that in a man.”

Louis grinned as he felt himself blush. He glanced over at Gareth, who was facing away, chatting to a young girl.

“Is that so?” Louis replied, daring to allow himself a little flirting.

“Uh huh.” Harry looked at his watch. “Ah, time to go and fetch a precious artist. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

And just like that Harry was gone, leaving Louis feeling anxious, embarrassed, and just a little bit thrilled.

-

The day picked up pace, and when Harry wasn’t accompanying Gareth and Louis he was off with one of his other artists. Harry was always present when Gareth had to go from engagement to engagement, he and Louis flanking Gareth to make sure he got to his destination safely. When they had dropped Gareth off at his penultimate engagement, Harry clutched at his stomach and sighed.

“I’ve got, like, ten minutes before I’ve got to pick someone up. I really need to grab something to eat, I hope there’s no queue.”

“You haven’t eaten all day?”

“Nope. I’m gonna run and get something, you want anything?”

“I’ll come with you,” Louis said. “I’ll get Gaz a coffee on the way back. He looks like he’s flagging a little.”

“Something tells me he’s not having a great time,” Harry said as they set off towards the food hall.

“Absolutely not.”

“Well?” Harry chuckled. “Spill the tea.”

“You did  _ not _ just say that.” Louis cackled. “Okay. Well. Here’s the  _ tea. _ He really doesn’t like meeting fans.”

“Serious?”

“He says he finds it weird and uncomfortable, but I think it makes him anxious.” Louis frowned. “To be honest - and do  _ not _ tell him I said this - but he’s a bit past it. In this world, I mean. Let’s face it, he hasn’t been an actual YouTube celebrity in years. He’s just a socialite now, in essence.”

“So why does he even do these things?”

“I think he just really likes to keep busy.” Louis rolled his eyes. “I do think sometimes that maybe he would be happier if he got a job, you know, a real, full time job. But in a weird way, I do think he likes doing this stuff. Deep down.”

“I think fame is a complicated thing.”

“True.”

Harry grabbed a sandwich and paid. He sighed and threw Louis a sad smile.

“Time for me to run off. You’ll be okay getting back to Gareth?”

“Yeah, over by that big, purple, inflatable thing.”

“Correct.” Harry nodded. “See you in a little bit.”

Harry jogged off and Louis continued to walk. There was still a little bit of time before he needed to be back by Gareth’s side, so there was no point picking up a coffee right now. Instead, Louis strolled around some of the craft stalls, browsing for no reason except to kill time. He came across a pick ‘n’ mix stall which he went a bit crazy at, shovelling sweets into a bag which ended up weighing enough for him to spend nearly £12. He took a leisurely walk through a long row of merchandise, before finding his way to a coffee place. There was a slight queue and, when he looked at his watch, he pulled a face. He was cutting it fine. Hopefully, Gareth’s thing was running a little bit late.

He finally got to the front, grabbing Gareth’s coffee before taking a swift walk back. His stomach plummeted out of his arse when he got close and he could see Gareth waiting, looking irritated. 

“Where the  _ hell _ have you been?” Gareth said, his tone angry but his voice hushed. “I finished and neither of you were here.”

As if on cue, Louis saw Harry out of the corner of his eye, jogging over.

“I’m really sorry,” Louis said to Gareth. “There was a queue at the coffee place.”

“For an hour?”

“I- I misjudged the time. I’m sorry!”

“Hiya!” Harry said, out of breath. “Sorry I’m a bit late. And Louis is my fault. I coerced him into walking with me to get a sandwich. I diverted him somewhat.”

There Harry went again. Covering for Louis. Taking the blame without so much as a flinch.

Gareth didn’t take his eyes off of Louis. “You know what? I’ve had enough.”

“What?”

“You’re  _ supposed _ to be working for me and you can’t even be here when I need you!”

Louis felt anger bubbling under the surface. “You’re not paying me, Gareth.”

“I offered to pay you!” Gareth shook his head incredulously. “It doesn’t matter. You committed to work for me, and you didn’t do your job. Fuck this, I’m going home.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Uh, Gareth, you still have one more—”

“I don’t care.”

“Wait,” Louis said. “Look, just give me a minute and I’ll order us a car, and—”

“I’m ordering myself an Uber,” Gareth said before snatching the coffee out of Louis’ hand. “Do what you want.”

Louis watched Gareth storm off, tears shimmering in his eyes and feeling completely stunned. Something else must have been bothering Gareth for him to react in such a way, but it didn’t make it hurt any less for Louis. He felt Harry take a step closer to him.

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Louis croaked, sighing.

“I shouldn’t have distracted you and made you come with me to get food.”

Louis glanced sideways at him. “What? You didn’t. You weren’t the reason I was late. I was wandering around, and then there was a queue, and…”

Harry placed a hand on Louis’ back. “Are you alright?”

Louis shook his head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Um… I think I’d better go and tell the guys at his final panel that he isn’t showing up.” Harry sighed. “Wish me luck.”

“Oh, I’ll go with you. It’s not fair for you to have to explain. It’s better that it comes from me. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

Harry sighed in clear relief. “Oh, really? Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Louis laughed, despite the awful situation. “It’s time I have your back for once. Come on.”

Louis, if he did say so himself, put on a stellar performance convincing the organisers that Gareth had to leave due to an absolutely terrible family emergency. Harry had to leave to deal with another of his artists so, with nothing else to do and not wanting to go home just yet, Louis went with him.

He stood back while Harry chatted to a thirteen-year-old YouTuber, who was accompanied by his mother. It was sweet, really, the way Harry addressed the boy like an adult and, in return, the boy was looking at Harry with rapt attention. Harry was good at his job. He seemed to have a way with people.

“Right,” Harry said as he walked back over. “That’s that. My third artist left earlier, so we can start a debrief now.”

“Oh. Sure.”

They went to grab a coffee in the artist’s area, sitting at a table to talk.

“So, I’m not sure if they’ll dock Gareth’s fee for leaving early, but it’s a reasonable possibility. So, prepare him for that. Hopefully, with your brilliantly constructed cover story, they’ll still invite him back next year.”

Louis sighed, putting a hand on his forehead. “What a mess.”

Harry let out a short laugh. “Don’t worry. I mean, come on. You know what celebrities are like. They’re no stranger to tantrums.”

Louis looked at him, unimpressed. “Okay, but I don’t think he’s enough of a  _ celebrity _ to be given a free pass for that kind of behaviour.”

Harry blinked at Louis for a couple of seconds, before smirking. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re pissed off.”

Louis sighed again, louder this time. “You know what? I am. I’m pissed off and extremely embarrassed. Okay, so I fucked up. But there was  _ so _ no need for that scene.”

“True.”

Louis shook his head. It was always something with Gareth, wasn’t it?

“Anyway,” Louis said. “Forget about him.”

“That’s kind of hard, Louis,” Harry said with a grin. “As we’re here to liaise about him.”

“Okay. So?”

Harry chewed on his bottom lip. “I’m going to need you to sign a couple of things on his behalf.”

Louis smiled. “Like autographs?”

Harry shook him a look, trying to seem unimpressed but failing as he started to laugh.

-

“Are you gonna be okay with all that?” Harry asked as Louis shouldered his own bad and Gareth’s bag that he had left in the artist’s area.

“Oh, yeah. I’ll order myself an Uber, no problem.”

Harry shouldered his own bag before pausing, looking like he was deciding whether or not to speak.

“Will you be okay when you get home?” he asked quietly.

Louis smiled reassuringly and sighed. “I’ll be fine. Thank you, but don’t worry.”

Harry’s expression told Louis that he probably would worry, just a little bit.

“Um,” Louis said, clearing his throat. “Thanks for everything, and sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” Harry nudged him. “And you’ve been great company. In fact, you know, we should hang out sometime.”

Louis felt his body stiffen ever so slightly. He liked Harry, and would love to be his friend. But as angry as he was with Gareth right now, he couldn’t agree to do something that would upset him.

“Um… I don’t think I should.”

“Oh.” Harry nodded slowly. “That’s okay.”

“It’s just…” Louis trailed off before sighing.

“You don’t have to explain. I’m with you.” Harry smiled, patting Louis on the shoulder. “Maybe I’ll see you around, then?”

“I hope so. Bye.”

Harry said goodbye and headed off towards the tube, leaving Louis on the kerb to wait for his Uber. Harry was incredibly understanding, and Louis couldn’t help but wonder about it.

-

Gareth finally emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes after Louis got home. Louis had changed into sweats, and was cuddled up with a cushion on the sofa, watching  _ Match of the Day.  _ Louis looked up as Gareth padded into the living room, wrapped in a big, fluffy dressing gown.

“Hey,” he said quietly, pausing in the doorway before walking further in. “Is it alright for me to sit down?”

Louis just nodded, watching Gareth as he sat at the other end of the L-shaped sofa and cuddled his knees to his chest.

“I’m really sorry,” Gareth said. “Are you mad at me?”

Louis shrugged, flicking his eyes back to the TV. “I mean, I’m… hurt. And embarrassed.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I fucked up. I let you down,” Louis said. “But you let me down, you let Harry down, you let the convention organisers down, and you let the fans down! The fans? You know, the ones who pay your bills?”

Gareth shrunk into himself until he seemed tiny. Louis rarely saw him like this. He was usually domineering and commanding. Louis found it curious. Gareth tended to act submissive, make himself small when he was in trouble. Louis couldn’t help but wonder if it was a defence mechanism, or something a bit more calculating.

Louis was beginning to think he couldn’t put it past him.

“I’d really like to make it up to you,” Gareth said. “How about we go away next weekend? I’m thinking… Cornwall? Two or three days, just me and you.”

“I’m working,” Louis said flatly. “You know it’s difficult for me to take two weekends off in a row.”

“Oh, right.”

“You don’t need to ‘make it up to me’. Just don’t behave like that in the first place.”

Gareth nodded. He hesitated, before shuffling closer and closer to Louis until he was close enough to reach out and pull him close. Louis let him, reluctantly snuggling into his chest.

-

Things were quiet for a few days. Louis did a few shifts that were inexplicably busy, and when he came home after a late night shift on Thursday, Gareth was in the kitchen making hot chocolate.

“Well, hello.” Louis walked over to him for a kiss. “How was your day?”

“Yeah.” Gareth nodded. “Um, I’m going to Cornwall tomorrow.”

Louis furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Cornwall? Why?”

“Got some filming to do.”

An incredulous laugh bubbled up and out of Louis’ mouth.

“Right, okay. So  _ that’s  _ why you tried to invite me to Cornwall.”

“No, no…”

“Thought you’d throw me off the scent by not telling me until the day before?” Louis scoffed. “Come on.”

Gareth sighed, stirred his hot chocolate and headed for the door.

“Well, at least you’ll have some time on your own.” Gareth looked Louis up and down. “Night.”

Louis shook his head as Gareth left the room, listening to him ascend the stairs. He opened the bread bin, pulled two slices of bread from the bag before angrily slamming them into the toaster.

“Takes the piss,” he muttered to himself. “Imagine if I’d said yes and he ran off in the middle of a  _ romantic  _ weekend to do some fucking filming.”

Louis ate his toast, watched a bit of TV, and when he was ready to go to bed, he retired to the spare room.

-

Gareth woke Louis up in the morning to say goodbye and that he would be back on Sunday evening. Louis gave him a deadpan  _ goodbye _ and waited until Gareth had left before getting out of bed. As he was making his cup of tea, he couldn’t help but feel his anger from the night before bubbling back up to the surface.

Sure, Louis had the weekend to himself, which was great, if only he had friends. Well, ones that didn’t work for him. Anyway, Gareth was completely missing the point if he thought that Louis was angry about being left alone.

Louis paused, mid-stir of his tea. He  _ did _ have a friend other than Niall. He dropped the spoon against the side of his cup and went to find his overnight bag. Once again, he had taken only the dirty washing from the bag and not cleared out its contents. He rummaged through the various old bits of paper until he found what he was looking for: Gareth’s schedule of events from the festival. Being untidy had finally paid off.

Taking the schedule back into the kitchen with him, he picked up his phone from where he had left it on the counter. His hands trembled slightly as he opened a new text message and typed in the number.

_ ‘Hi, it’s Louis! Ummm… I know what I said but I changed my mind and was wondering if you were free anytime this weekend to hang out… let me know xx’ _

He deleted and retyped the kisses three times before deciding he would leave them in. Once he hit send, he dropped his phone to the counter and waited. Harry had proved himself to be an understanding type of lad, so Louis hoped he would indeed be up for hanging out. He finished making his breakfast and took it to the sofa, returning to grab his phone.

By the time he returned, his phone had lit up with a reply.

_ ‘Louis! I’m totally up for doing something! I’m free tomorrow? X’ _

Louis grinned.

_ ‘I’m working but I’ll be home at 7, do you wanna come round and watch a film? Get in a Deliveroo? Or would you rather go out? Xx’ _

Louis stared at the phone for a few seconds, but since Harry didn’t start typing straight away, he put his phone down and focused on his breakfast. He had to get through two shifts before he got to hang out with Harry, spend time with a friend like a normal person would.

His phone vibrated, causing him to nearly spill his tea. He carefully put it down.

_ ‘A chilled night in sounds perfect! I’m exhausted. Haha You sure it’s ok for me to come round? X’ _

_ ‘If you’re asking about Gareth, he’s out of town xx’ _

-

Louis got home at seven on Friday night and fussed about the house. It had been so long since he had had a friend over that he obsessed over every little thing. Did the house smell nice? Should he hoover a second time? What was the perfect ambient temperature for the living room?

Deep down, he knew none of that stuff really mattered. Their house was generally exceptionally clean, and Louis was under no illusion that their house wasn’t crazily impressive. Besides, Harry didn’t seem like the kind of guy to be so judgemental. 

He had to be a patient, kind sort of person. Not everybody would still want to be Louis’ friend after everything that had happened.

Louis arrived home on Saturday night laden with Tesco bags full of snacks, beer, and wine. He quickly put everything away, changed into some cosy sweats, and turned off the plug-in air freshener. He couldn’t let it seem like he was making  _ too _ much of an effort.

Harry arrived, and as soon as Louis opened the door, Harry’s eyes were as wide as saucers.

“This place is  _ so _ sick. How many bedrooms does it have?”

“Oh, only four.” Louis cleared his throat. “Want a tour?”

“Yeah!”

“Right, follow me.” Louis led him up the staircase. “So, the master bedroom and the biggest of the others have en suites, but only the main bathroom contains a bath.”

“‘Kay.”

“These two rooms here are the smaller bedrooms.” Louis opened the doors briefly for Harry to look in. “Surprisingly enough, these rooms don’t see a lot of traffic.”

“You don’t have a lot of people to stay?”

“Um… no.” Louis led him along to the next room. “This is the biggest guest bedroom, in here.”

Louis opened the door, and as soon as he did, he blushed. This was the room he had slept in on Thursday night, and their housekeeper hadn’t been by since. Making the bed had never been Louis’ forte, and in this case he had just shaken the duvet out.

“Looks like you’ve had at least  _ one _ guest recently,” Harry said, grinning and pointing a thumb towards the bed. “Liar.”

Louis sighed and looked down at his feet. “Actually, um… I stayed in here on Thursday night.”

“Oh.” Harry inhaled sharply. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Louis sighed, shrugging. If Harry was going to be his friend, he might as well tell him the truth. “You wanna know what happened?”

Harry sort of shrugged, as if he didn’t know what the correct answer was.

“Well,” Louis said, continuing anyway. “When I got back from the convention, he was super sorry about what happened and wanted to make it up to me by taking me to Cornwall this weekend. Just us! Come Thursday, he tells me—”

“He’s got a YouTube thing in Truro?” Harry smiled sadly.

Louis laughed. “If that’s in Cornwall, then yeah. Like, I wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t try and pass it off as being a good guy. It was a  _ proper _ dick move. I was furious.”

“Sorry,” Harry said quietly.

“It’s okay.” Louis sighed, stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. “Moving on… across here is the bathroom.”

Harry’s sharp gasp when he opened the door made Louis jump. Louis had to admit, the bathroom was one of his favourite rooms. They had a huge bath, sunken down into a marble platform, which a double shower and two sinks. Gareth had been talking about seeing if he could get a skylight installed, but they had an attic. Idiot.

“I think this bathroom is bigger than my flat,” Harry remarked.

“Oh, I doubt it.”

Harry scoffed, stepping into the room and running his hand over the cool marble.

“It’s so nice.”

“Thanks,” Louis said. “Um, shall we move on?”

As Louis placed his hand on the door handle of his own bedroom, he paused. It felt a little bit like he was crossing a line, showing his and Gareth’s private bedroom to Harry. Still, he couldn’t very well back out now, it would look proper weird. Gareth would never knew, anyway.

So Louis opened the door and stepped aside to show Harry the room. It was silent and warm, peaceful. If countless arguments had taken place in that room, there was no trace of it in the soft blue walls or the plush grey carpet. Harry’s expression was gentle as he smiled, looking around.

“This is your room, I take it,” Harry said.

“Yeah,” Louis said awkwardly. “Shall we go back downstairs? I think the film’s probably starting.”

“What film?”

“Whatever.” Louis slammed the door and quickly descended the stairs. Harry followed him, chuckling.

“So, you gonna give me a tour of down here, too?”

“Sure. Kitchen…” Louis walked him through the kitchen and to the dining room. “Dining room. Through that door at the far end is the utility room, which leads out to the garden.”

“I get it’s huge.”

“It is,” Louis agreed, narrowing his eyes as a wide smirk appeared on Harry’s face. Louis shook his head. “Dick joke, really? How mature.”

“I can’t help it. I’m childish.” Harry let out a little laugh. “Sorry. Where now?”

“Well…” Louis led him back through the kitchen and out into the foyer. “Walk in coat closet over there, and the opposite door is a toilet. Neither are interesting enough to warrant walking over to show you.”

“Right.”

“Let’s head through to the living room. It’s my favourite room.”

Harry looked around the room as Louis threw himself down in the corner of the sofa. The sofa was Louis’ favourite thing ever - he had picked it, after all - but the whole room was special. The grand piano over by the window. The flower boxes on the outer windowsill, framing the room with a splash of colour. The huge fish tank, surrounded by photos of happy, smiling family members, both his and Gareth’s.

It was the only room that Louis had really put his mark on.

“What’s through that door over there?”

Behind the piano was a door to the room Louis had barely been in for the whole six months he had lived here. Louis rolled his eyes slightly.

“Gareth’s study. I’d show you but it’s likely locked. He’s a bit weird about it.”

Harry opened his mouth, closed it again, before opening it again.

“Why does a socialite need a study?”

Louis cackled, taking himself by surprise.

“Well, on the rare occasion he actually makes a video for his YouTube channel, he films it in there, and edits, or whatever. I mean, he mostly just goes in there to do Instagram lives.”

Harry folded his arms and leaned against the door frame. “So, he just goes in there, locks himself in and films videos?”

Louis shrugged. “I guess. I mean, I don’t know if he actually locks the door when he’s in there. Can’t say I’ve ever tried the door.”

“You just know not to disturb him.”

“Basically.”

Harry nodded. “So, do you watch? When he’s in there, doing Instagram lives?”

Louis, feeling guilty, nodded. He didn’t know why he felt guilty at the admission. He had always been kind of worried that Gareth would feel spied on.

“Well,” Louis said with a sigh. “He has an annoying habit of doing them while I’m at work. But, whether I watch them live or play them back afterwards, I do always watch them.”

Harry shrugged, pushing off of the door frame and moving to tentatively sit on the edge of the sofa.

“I watch them sometimes. He is one charming guy.”

“Mm,” Louis replied, trying not to scoff. “Full of charm.”

Harry paused for a second, before kicking his trainers off and crossing his legs underneath him.

“Right, let’s watch a film, then.”

-

Twenty minutes into the film, their Chinese takeaway arrived. They ate straight from the boxes - something Gareth would never allow - Harry tucking into firecracker chicken and Louis settling for a classic chicken chow mein, a portion of prawn crackers sitting in the white paper bag between them.

Louis looked up at the TV screen and frowned.

“Remind me to  _ never _ let you pick the film ever again,” he teased, pointing at the TV with his fork. “I mean, it’s a worm with blue hair.”

“Louis,” Harry said, voice dripping with disdain. “Labyrinth is an absolute cult classic. Did you not  _ see _ David Bowie? Do I need to rewind to when Jareth bursts into Sarah’s house, just to drill the point in?”

“No, no. Don’t get upset.” Louis shook his head. “I’ll give it a chance, but just for you.”

Harry’s eyes lingered on Louis’, a deep frown on his face. It was almost comical. A few minutes later, David Bowie was surrounded by goblins.

“He’s gonna sing!” Harry said excitedly. “Look! David Bowie in tights and knee high boots. Come on.”

“I mean… yeah,” Louis admitted. “It is strangely alluring.”

Harry smiled as if he had achieved a personal goal. Louis watched, twirling noodles around his fork while Harry ate with chopsticks. Spending time with Harry was nice. And more than that, it was… easy. Maybe it was helped by the fact that Louis was in his own home, but he couldn’t remember a time when it was so easy to hang out with someone. Even Gareth.

Harry was watching the film with such a delighted look on his face, that Louis couldn’t help but feel happy, too. Harry started to babble about how he  _ loved this bit _ and something about a riddle and when the main character, Sarah, fell through the ground, Louis realised he had been staring at Harry.

He jerked himself back to reality and grabbed a prawn cracker. Louis felt pathetic. How sad was it that he was so ecstatic just to have a friend? Niall was his friend, but they had barely spent any time together outside of work. Gareth wouldn’t let him. Well, he wouldn’t stop him, but he wouldn’t be happy about it.

What about this scared Gareth? Why didn’t he want Louis to have friends, for Louis to feel like this?

“Now, Lou,” Harry said seriously. “We’re coming up to the bit that was the reason for a lot of my teenage confusion.”

“Hm?” Louis said. “What, goblins confused you?”

“No!” Harry said, grabbing the remote and pausing the film. David Bowie was frozen on the screen, and immediately Louis knew what he meant. “Look at that bloody package.”

“I see,” Louis said.  _ “That _ kind of confusion.”

“Like, David Bowie is an icon - everybody knows that - but there is something overwhelmingly alluring about his Goblin King. Is it the leggings? Is it the make up? Is it the domineering aura? Who knows?” Harry grinned. “I mean, it’s troubling, really, ‘cause his character is an actual arsehole.”

Louis quickly looked at the floor. He had been staring again.

“Um…” Louis cleared his throat. “Well, I think it’s probably more of a David Bowie thing rather than a… Jared thing.”

“Jareth,” Harry corrected.

Louis snorted in ironic amusement. Of course that was his name. A domineering, charming, manipulative man with such a similar name to Louis’ boyfriend. 

“Popping to the loo,” Harry said, getting to his feet. “Pause it?”

Louis nodded and, as he watched Harry walk out of the room, he realised he was in trouble.

It didn’t matter. Harry was his friend, and if he felt a slight attraction to him, it just didn’t matter. Louis could control himself. And anyway, he was probably just feeling confused. It had been a long time since he had spent time with a friend like this, hanging out just to hang out and having a laugh together.

“I have never weed in such a posh bog in my entire life,” Harry said, chuckling as he walked back into the room. “I almost expected an attendant to pop out of nowhere and dab it for me.”

Louis let out a surprised laugh. “For God’s sake!”

Harry laughed, too, rubbing his hands together. “Also, the moisturiser next to the hand soap is a nice touch.”

“I’m glad you enjoy it. That stuff’s, like, twenty quid a bottle.”

“Serious?” Harry smelt the back of his hand. “Well… it  _ is _ nice.”

“You wouldn’t catch me paying for it,” Louis said with a grin. “I like having the moisturiser there, I’ll admit it. But if I was doing the shopping, you would have Poundland lotion.”

“Classy.” Harry threw himself down on the sofa carelessly, knocking into Louis in the process. “So, got any wine?”

-

When the film finished, they were three quarters of the way through a bottle of red.

“I don’t get it,” Louis said. “So… who built the Labyrinth?”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“But it’s your favourite film.”

“Maybe the Goblin King built it. I don’t know. It’s a film. I didn’t, like, take an A Level in Labyrinth studies, or something.”

“The room with all the stairs was cool.”

“That was based off of a work by M C Escher. So cool.” Harry grinned at Louis. He did that a lot. “So, you enjoyed it, then?”

“Yeah,” Louis said with a nod. “I especially liked the bit near the end, where David Bowie was dressed as an owl man with a big dick.”

Harry snorted into his wine. “He was  _ dressed _ as someone with a big dick?”

“An owl man,” Louis clarified. “And, yeah,  _ big dick  _ can be part of a costume. For all we know, that thing’s a sock.”

“It’s not a sock,” Harry replied, a little defensively. “I think it would be something a bit more professional than a sock.”

“Yeah, whatever. My point still stands that it’s probably not his real dick.”

Harry paused, blinking at Louis.

“Nah! It’s definitely his dick.”

Louis giggled, hesitating for a moment before swinging his legs up onto Harry’s lap.

“So, when did you move to London?”

“Well, I came down here for uni,” Harry explained. “I was actually accepted into Manchester, but I—”

Louis quickly swung his legs off of Harry’s lap and sat bolt upright. He could have sworn he heard a key in the front door.

“What?” Harry asked frowning in confusion.

“Didn’t you hear it?”

“Hear what?”

“The door, I thought…” Louis got up and walked towards the foyer.

“I might have heard something? Dunno,” Harry called after him.

Louis walked out to the front door. It looked exactly the same as it always did: white, closed, sturdy. Louis could see through the frosted glass that no one was outside it, and the automatic porch light flicked off in front of his eyes. Louis breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at the letter box, where a red pizza delivery leaflet was hanging out of it.

He snatched it up and returned to the living room.

“Who delivers pizza leaflets at this time of night?” Louis scoffed and threw it in the bin.

He looked at Harry, who was regarding him in a careful, curious manner. For fuck’s sake. It was the same way that Niall looked at him. Almost like he might spontaneously combust at any moment.

“What?” Louis said, trying not to let irritation taint his tone.

Harry blinked in lieu of answering. Louis moved towards the sofa, sitting on the edge and curling in on himself somewhat.

“Um…” Harry cleared his throat. “Do you wanna watch another film, or should I go?”

“Don’t go,” Louis responded immediately. He uncurled himself and stood up. “Um, why don’t you find something for us to watch? I’m just gonna go and call Gareth, you know, say goodnight.”

“Okay,” Harry said, his eyes lingering on Louis until he left the room. Louis walked out to the kitchen and dialled the phone.

_ “Hiya.” _

“Gareth. Hi.” Louis hopped up onto the kitchen island. Hearing Gareth’s voice immediately made him feel settled. “How’s it going?”

_ “Yeah, fine. What’s up?” _

“Nothing,” Louis said, trying not to sound indignant. “Just wanted to ring and say goodnight. Was thinking about you, so…”

_ “Aww. I hope you’re behaving yourself.” _

Louis smiled tightly. It could have been a playful, almost flirty comment, but it didn’t sit right with Louis.

“Don’t I always?” he replied.

There was a lot of noise on the line, so Gareth must have been out. Louis wondered if  _ he _ would be behaving himself.

_ “Look, I’d better go. But see you tomorrow?” _

“Alright,” Louis said. “Bye.”

_ “Bye.” _

Louis listened to the dull beeping that told him Gareth had hung up and he slapped his phone against his palm. Sighing, he turned to head back to the living room.

He found Harry, sprawled out on one section of the L-shaped sofa, watching something on TV.

“What did you find?”

“Oh! We can change it if you want. It’s a programme about airport security. I’m hooked. I don’t know why, but I can lose hours to these marathons.”

“Nah, don’t worry. I’ll watch anything, me.”

Louis motioned to Harry’s feet, which Harry started to move but Louis just lifted them, sat down in their place, and let them drop to his lap. Harry smiled, a faint blush rising on his cheeks, which was both warming and frightening to Louis.

“Can I ask you a question?” Harry asked.

“Sure.”

“When you heard a noise, did you think Gareth was coming in?”

Louis sighed inwardly. “I guess so.”

Harry chewed his bottom lip and looked back at the TV. “Just because you seemed a bit scared.”

“I was just… startled, that’s all.” Louis shook his head. “Not  _ scared.” _

“Oh.”

Louis rolled his eyes slightly and took a breath. “But, you know… Gareth’s a jealous person. If he knew we were hanging out together, especially here, I really don’t think he would be happy.”

“Oh,” Harry said again.

“I’m not scared of him,” Louis insisted. “It’s—it’s not like that.”

“Look, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“I just don’t want you thinking that, or anything.”

Harry smiled and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“But I care what you think.”

They made eye contact, keeping it for an agonising few seconds before Harry shrugged.

“Okay, so, can I ask you one more question?”

Louis paused. “Aright.”

“You don’t mind doing something that he wouldn’t like, as long as he doesn’t find out?”

It wasn’t accusatory, but Louis still felt a bit affronted. He pushed the feeling away.

“Well… I think it’s unreasonable of him to expect me not to have friends.”

“I agree.”

“It’s complicated,” Louis said with a sigh. “Shall we talk about something else?”

“Yeah, of course,” Harry said quickly. “Um, so… where do you work?”

“I manage a bar in town.”

“Oh, cool!” Harry nodded as if he was impressed. “I imagine that’s hard work.”

“Uh, it’s okay. I work part time. I mostly do the admin stuff, but I get out on the floor as much as I can.”

“The dance floor?” Harry said, grinning widely.

“No, the… you know, out in the bar.”

Harry chuckled. “Do you like it?”

“It’s like any other menial job, really. It’s fine.”

Harry regarded Louis, idly playing with his curls.

“What do you want to do? Like, what’s your dream?”

“I don’t have one,” Louis mumbled miserably. “When I was younger, I loved to act, and sing.” Play football, too. I just… I dunno. I lost my way, I guess.”

Louis stared down at the rip in the knee of Harry’s jeans. What would he do if he could do anything in the world? He didn’t know. What kind of person had absolutely no dream?

“That’s okay,” Harry said gently. “You don’t need to know what you want to do.”

Louis picked at the fraying denim on Harry’s knee. “I mean, I’d love to help people. I  _ suppose _ that’s kind of a dream.”

“You’ll figure it out. Don’t you worry about it.”

Louis smiled. “Thank you. Well, what about you?”

Harry sighed loudly. “Not quite sure. I know I want to work in media, but I don’t really know what I want to do. My uncle knows the guy who runs the agency I work for, so he got me on the books and now I’m trying to explore as many different options as I can.”

“That’s cool. You’re lucky to have the opportunity.” Louis tilted his head. “Wait, aren’t you studying law?”

“Yeah…” Harry stared into the distance and nodded slightly. “As I said, keeping my options open. Maybe an entertainment lawyer?”

Harry lost himself in thought for a second, and Louis rested his head on the back of the sofa, watching him. There was something so captivating about Harry. He had a wide mouth that was always smiling, and he looked… at peace. Carefree. Relaxed. His eyes were half closed as if he could fall asleep at any moment, but he was now looking back at Louis with rapt attention.

Louis was beginning to feel a need inside of him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt exciting and dangerous, and the way Harry was looking at him told Louis it might be mutual, which made the excitement - and fear - even more intense.

“Your eyes are so blue,” Harry said softly.

Louis finally looked away, sighing as he stared at Harry’s legs on his lap.

“Harry—”

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled. “I just… never mind.”

Louis had no response. He felt kind of shitty. Not only for the fact that his head had been turned, but also for feeling so hostile towards Gareth about not wanting Louis to have friends. As it turned out, all of Gareth’s fears were bang on. As soon as Louis spent some time with someone other than Gareth, he started to get  _ ideas. _

“Look, I should go,” Harry said, sitting up and removing his legs from Louis’ lap.

“Um…” Louis sighed. “Maybe it would be for the best.”

Harry stood up and pushed his feet into his trainers.

“I had a nice time,” Harry offered.

Louis sighed, standing to his feet and leaning against the door frame.

“Yeah? Me too.”

Louis saw Harry out and, once he shut the front door, he rested his forehead against it. This was stupid. He was in a relationship. A  _ serious _ relationship.

Maybe it was just because Louis had gone so long without having prolonged social contact with someone other than Gareth or his own family. Which was, technically, Gareth’s fault.

Louis fell to the floor with a thud and turned to lean back against the front door. What a mess. Half of him felt as if Gareth was right to worry about Louis hanging out with other guys, but the other half of him felt as if Gareth’s controlling was what had caused this. His head was swimming.

He heard his phone buzz in the living room and scrambled to his feet. Throwing himself down on the sofa, he sighed before looking at his phone.

_ ‘I’m so sorry I messed everything up and made it awkward’ _

Louis sighed again. No matter whose fault this was, it definitely wasn’t Harry’s.

_ ‘You didn’t, I promise. It’s my fault. All my shit and baggage, I’m sorry.’  _ Louis paused, thumbs hovering over the screen.  _ ‘I really want to keep you as my friend, if you want it too xx’ _

Louis huffed and threw his phone onto the sofa next to him. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Maybe he should take a bath, have a soak and think through some things. His phone buzzed again.

_ ‘I would love that. I have the urge to apologise again. I really feel like I overstepped’ _

Louis chewed at his bottom lip.  _ ‘For telling me my eyes are blue? :) don’t worry about it love. Friends it is. I’ll let you know next time I’m free and we’ll hang out again xx’ _

-

He broke a glass for the third time that week.

Louis was fuming as he crouched down and swept the floor with a dustpan and brush. He didn’t know what had got into him. Why was he dropping shit all of a sudden? He wasn’t clumsy.

“Ow, fuck,” Louis muttered. “Great.”

Now he was bleeding.

“Go and clean that hand up that hand, butterfingers,” Niall said, looking down at him.

Louis sighed and quickly swept up the rest of the glass before heading into the back and grabbing the first aid kit. He washed and cleaned his wound dutifully and, as he was pondering which size of plaster to use, Niall poked his head into the office.

“Lou, there’s someone here to see you.”

Louis frowned, quickly picking out a blue plaster.

“Alright, I’ll be out in a sec.”

He stuck the plaster haphazardly across the gash on his palm and headed out. When he saw Harry, he stopped dead.

“Uh, hi.”

Harry looked at him sheepishly, smiling slightly. “Hiya.”

Louis came out from behind the bar and gestured Harry over to a table. Harry perched on a stool and Louis leaned on the table.

“What brings you here?” Louis shook his head. “How did you even know where I work?”

“You mentioned it the other day on WhatsApp.” Harry looked down at the table. “I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping by turning up here.”

“No, no. But, um… Gareth sometimes comes in.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have come in if I didn’t have it on  _ very _ good authority that he’s currently in a meeting.”

Louis broke into a grin. “God, you’re good at this.”

“Good at what?” Harry replied with a laugh.

Good question. Louis wasn’t really sure what he had meant. Being deceitful? He needed to change the subject.

“It’s good to see you,” he told Harry. “I’m afraid I’ve not long come back from my break, so I can’t chat for long.”

“Oh, it’s alright. I was just passing through anyway, and I was gonna ask you if you’re going to Paris with Gareth.”

“What?” Louis asked, curious. “Paris?”

“Yeah, I mean, they asked me to work, since they knew I’d worked with Gareth a couple of times. I had to turn it down because my passport expired last year and I never got around to renewing it.” Harry shrugged. “I assumed you were probably going with him.”

“Ah. He’s not mentioned anything yet.”

Harry nodded politely, and Louis knew he was totally thinking badly of Gareth. The thing was, Louis had wanted to go to Paris with Gareth since  _ forever. _ He loved it there, and he was so eager to experience it with Gareth and enjoy the romance together. Gareth knew that - Louis didn’t exactly make a secret of it - and Louis reckoned he was saving it as a surprise. It would sure make up for a lot.

“Well, if you end up not going, we should totally do something.”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“Cool! Right, I’d better get off home.”

Louis took a step back as Harry hopped off of the stool.

“You won’t stay for a drink?”

“Things to do, Louis!” Harry grinned. “Talk to you later, yeah?”

Harry left with a wave and as Louis rounded the bar, Niall smirked at him.

“Who was that?” he exclaimed. “Cute.”

“My friend, Harry.”

_ “Friend?” _ Niall said, as if the mere concept of Louis having friends was wild. Well, Louis couldn’t exactly blame him. “Well, congrats. You know, if I didn’t have a girlfriend—”

“You stay away from Harry,” Louis said, pointing at a grinning Niall in warning.

-

Louis waited, and waited.

He booked himself off of work for the week of the Paris convention, as it was beginning to get close and Gareth still hadn’t said anything. He had to admit, he was starting to feel bubbles of doubt. Did he put too much faith in Gareth?

No. Gareth loved him and would surely take this as the perfect opportunity to repair. To show Louis that he really did care for him and think of him. 

The days ticked on by, and Louis lost a little nugget of faith with each one. Two days before the convention, Louis sat at the kitchen island eating Coco Pops sadly.

“Right,” Gareth said, pausing to down the rest of his coffee. “Should be home a bit earlier today. Maybe we could order Chinese?”

Louis flashed back to eating prawn crackers on the sofa with Harry. He stared down at his Coco Pops and willed himself not to blush.

“Um, yeah. Okay.”

“Oh.” Gareth turned towards Louis. “I know this is last minute…”

Louis’ eyes darted up to Gareth’s. This was it.

“But I’ve  _ just _ found out I’m needed at a convention in Paris this weekend. I’ll be gone a few days, will you be okay without me?”

The painful sinking of his heart almost took Louis by surprise. Just because… he knew he should have expected this. He should have known better than to actually have faith in Gareth. Especially after the whole Cornwall thing.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Great.” Gareth stepped over and kissed Louis on the cheek. “I would’ve asked if I could take you, but I know how much you value your time alone. Besides, it really was just so last minute.”

Louis watched Gareth head off to work. As soon as the front door closed, Louis stood to his feet and folded his arms.

“Liar,” he said to the closed door.

He felt a strange rush, coupled with anxiety, as if Gareth could have heard him, or as if the door was going to run and tell his secrets. 

Something about criticising Gareth, despite the fact that Gareth didn’t hear it, made Louis feel somewhat liberated.

-

During Louis’ dinner break, he took a short walk to the square, one street behind the bar. The weather was curious. The sun struggled through the clouds, hopeful and full of potential. For once, Louis’ mood didn’t reflect that. But maybe it should.

He pulled out his phone and opened WhatsApp. Well, if he wasn’t going to be headed to France, he might as well hang out with Harry instead. He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel guilty towards Gareth. As far as Louis was concerned, Gareth was burning through chances at a mile a minute. Louis wasn’t sure how many he had left to give.

_ ‘Guess who’s going to Paris without me?’ _

_ ‘No!’ _ Harry replied.  _ ‘I’m sorry, that sucks!’ _

Louis sighed loudly. Maybe it was about time he just did whatever the bloody hell he wanted to.

_ ‘He’s leaving tomorrow and I’d really love it if you’d come round xx’ _

_ ‘I’ll be there x’ _

-

The doorbell rang, and Louis opened it to see a grinning Harry carrying shopping bags.

“I’m here to make you lunch!” His smile fell and his eyes widened. “Um, he  _ did _ leave already, right?”

“Yeah,” Louis said with a slight laugh. “Come on in.”

“Cool,” Harry said, sighing audibly in relief. “Thanks.”

Louis closed the door and leaned back against it, watching Harry wander off towards the kitchen on his own. Despite he and Harry just being friends, Gareth would likely be furious if he knew Harry was in his house. Cooking Louis lunch. Complimenting his eyes and smiling at him the way he tended to.

Shoving his guilt down, Louis followed Harry into the kitchen. Harry had unpacked his shopping bags onto the kitchen island, and was now standing awkwardly by the cooker.

“Is this… okay?” Harry asked, scratching the back of his head. “I’m trying to be more assertive, but I really hate feeling like I’m overstepping boundaries.”

“I’ve noticed.” Louis smirked. “You can do whatever you want, lad. This house is a rule-free zone for the weekend.”

Harry blinked at him for a couple of seconds before breaking into a smile.

“Um… okay! Thanks.”

Louis took a seat at the island and watched as Harry ran his fingers over the oven knobs.

“What are we having, then?”

“Well… oh, do you have any allergies? Any, like, hates?”

“I really hate bigots.”

Harry looked over his shoulder and shot Louis a disdainful look. Something about it delighted Louis, and he laughed loudly.

“Nah, I’m easy, mate.” Louis felt a wave of satisfaction when Harry glanced back at him. “So?”

“Well, in honour of our last meal together, I thought I’d keep it Chinese. Stir fry?”

“Cool.”

“Are you hungry? Because this won’t take very long.”

“Sure.” Louis shrugged. “I can always eat, me.”

“Spicy okay?” 

Louis nodded. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Tell me where I can find a wok. If you have one.”

Louis fetched Harry a wok from the cupboard under the sink before showing him where the utensils were kept.

“Thanks. Why don’t you set the table?” Harry put the wok down and grinned. “And I get the distinct feeling this is the kind of place with a wine cellar?”

“You had a tour of the place, did you see a wine cellar?” Louis rolled his eyes before smiling. “No wine cellar. But Gareth has a huge wine fridge in the utility room. It’s such an awkward size that it’s the only place it would fit.”

Harry snorted. “Alright. Are we allowed to drink a bottle?”

“No rule zone, remember?” Louis headed towards the door. “What do we want?”

“Pinot Grigio.” Harry paused, a cheeky smile on his face. “And make it expensive.”

Louis headed out to the utility room and browsed the wine selection. He didn’t know much about wine, but he knew Gareth and so, just as he expected, he found all the whites grouped together, and all the Pinot grigios grouped together. He looked at a few bottles before finding one that he specifically remembered Gareth receiving as a gift from one of his posh friends. Must be expensive.

“Will this do?” he asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

Harry turned to peer at it. “Christ. That thing’s gotta cost, like, two hundred quid.”

“Is that it?” Louis replied, frowning at the bottle. “Must’ve been from someone who doesn’t like him much.”

Harry snorted. “I wish my enemies gave me presents like that.

“Now, why would a top lad like you have enemies?” Louis placed the bottle of wine on the island.

Harry cocked an eyebrow. “Mm, why does  _ Gareth _ have enemies?”

Louis’ smile melted off of his face and he rolled his eyes. “Do you even need to ask? You’ve seen him in action.”

Harry turned back to the cooker. “He doesn’t have  _ actual _ enemies, does he?”

“Nah. But let’s just say he’s no stranger to ruffling a few feathers.”

“Oh yeah? And what about you?”

Louis walked over and leaned against the counter next to the cooker. He folded his arms.

“Are you asking if Gareth ruffles my feathers? Or if I ruffle feathers?”

Harry nudged Louis out of the way to get to the chopping board.

“The latter.”

“I used to be the kind of person who did. Not necessarily in the same way that he does, but... yeah. I suppose I used to be less… reserved? More likely to get stuck in.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’ve lost myself a bit.”

Harry paused, mid-chop, to look at Louis and smile.

“I bet that’s not true. You didn’t lose him. He’s just hibernating.”

Louis snorted. “Do you know, you’re probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

“Really?  _ Ever?” _ Harry raised his eyebrows before turning back to the cooker. “Well, this sweetheart needs you to get the hell out of his kitchen. Go set the table.”

“Ooh, Sweet  _ and _ sour!” Louis laughed. “I love it.”

Louis plucked the nice wine glasses from the cabinet in the dining room and busied himself with setting the table, placing himself and Harry at the corner, perpendicular from one another. He left Harry to the cooking and went for a wee, lingering in the little toilet room afterwards to fiddle with his hair. When he finally returned to the kitchen, Harry was looking in the cupboards.

“Oh!” Harry said. “I’m sorry. Just looking for bowls? Or plates.”

Louis walked over, fetched two dinner bowls, and placed them on the counter next to Harry. Harry was concentrating, barely acknowledging Louis except to mumble his thanks. He grabbed the bowls and put them in the oven.

“Warming the bowls!” Louis said. “I  _ am _ being treated.”

Harry paused to cock an eyebrow at him. “Go and pour the wine, sit down. I’ll only be a minute.”

“Alright.”

Louis did as he was told. He poured two large glasses of wine and sat down, drumming his fingers on the table impatiently. Everything about this was unusual for Louis, and way out of his comfort zone. He wasn’t exactly sure how to behave. Didn’t know how Harry was expecting him to behave.

“Lunch is served!” Harry announced as he walked in, carrying the two bowls. He quickly, carefully placed them down on the table. “Ah. Hot.”

“Thank you,” Louis said. “Why didn’t you wear oven gloves, silly?”

Harry chuckled. “I’m a good cook, but I’m an idiot.”

“Haha! That’s not true.”

“Well, tuck in.”

Louis picked up a fork and speared a bit of chicken. He felt a bit self conscious, Harry staring at him avidly, but he popped the chicken in his mouth.

“Mm!” Louis smiled, chewing and swallowing. “God, that sauce is amazing.”

Harry grinned, looking pleased as he picked up his own fork and began to eat.

“So. Do you cook?”

“No,” Louis said, mouth twisting into a frown. “I’m crap at it.”

“Ah, it’s not that hard.”

“That’s what you want me to think. I tried to cook pasta once and I burnt it. Had to throw the saucepan out. Ever since then, I’m not allowed to cook.”

A weird expression washed over Harry’s face before he fixed a smile.

“Maybe I can teach you? Just the basics. You just need to regain your confidence.”

Louis laughed. “Maybe.”

They fell silent while they ate, Harry making an appreciative sound when he took his first sip of wine, but other than that they didn’t speak until Louis leaned back in his chair and sighed contently.

“That was incredible. Thank you, Harry.”

“You’re welcome.” Harry lifted his wine glass in gesture. “Thank you for picking such a lovely wine.”

“No probs. Had  _ absolutely  _ no idea what I was doing.”

Harry giggled, placing his glass down and pressing his fingertips into the stem. “So, what have we got planned for this afternoon?”

“I dunno. I just…” Louis hesitated, looking away from Harry. “Just wanted to spend time with you.”

“Okay,” Harry said, grinning widely. “I guess you wanna stay in?”

Louis hesitated before shrugging. “Maybe we could go out for dinner later. Not around here, though.”

“Well, I drove here, my car’s outside. I’m happy to drive us somewhere.”

“It’s a deal!”

Harry tried to insist on doing the washing up, but Louis looked at him like he was crazy and chucked it all into the dishwasher. They took their glasses and the wine bottle into the living room, where they once again retired to the L-shaped sofa.

“This is a nice place, but it’s not exactly a billionaire’s mansion,” Louis told Harry. “We toyed with the idea of a pool, but we have nowhere to put an inside one and, like, an outdoor pool in London? Please.”

“Yeah, but, imagine if you got a heated one?” Harry exhaled loudly. “That would be  _ nice.” _

“True,” Louis mused. “The only thing is, we would have to get rid of the tennis court.”

“Tennis court?” Harry rolled his eyes.

“We could have a game, if you’d like.”

“Maybe if I wasn’t on my second glass of wine,” Harry said. “I’m a liability with a racket as it is.”

“Well,” Louis replied. “We could meet in the middle and play on the XBox?”

Neither he nor Gareth played the XBox very often. When he did Louis mostly played FIFA, but when Gareth had bought the console it had come with a handful of games that neither of them had bothered to play. He and Harry chose a game at random and tried their best to work out how to play it.

A second bottle of wine later, Harry was lying on his front on the sofa and Louis was sprawled out on the floor, pounding away at the keys of his controller.

“It’s useless!” he said with a giggle. “This game’s shit.”

“I thought we had it sussed when we got to that temple.”

“Yeah, but then the trolls came along and diverted us.” Louis exhaled loudly. “Ah, it’s not even fun.”

He rolled over and looked at Harry, who shrugged. “I dunno.  _ I’m _ having fun.”

“I just realised something.” Louis scrambled onto his knees and leaned on the edge of the sofa, looking down at Harry.

“What?”

“You said you would drive us to dinner, but you’re pissed as fuck!”

Harry snorted loudly before bursting into laughter. “Shit. Should we call an Uber?”

“I feel like maybe we’re too drunk to go out in public.”

Harry shook his head and sat up. “No such thing.”

“We’ll order in,” Louis said with a shrug. “I like staying inside.”

“Do you?” Harry asked pouting. “And, um… does Gareth like you staying inside?”

Harry looked like he regretted it before the sentence had even finished leaving his mouth. He slapped his palms over his mouth, eyes widening, almost as wide as Louis’.

“Well—”

“I’m so sorry!” Harry said. “I’m drunk. Please don’t answer that.”

Louis smiled gently. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

Louis sighed. “You already know Gareth… keeps me on a short leash, shall we say? I wouldn’t say he  _ keeps _ me indoors, or anything. That’s not fair. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite. I mean, up until recently, he dragged me to every single event he had, I had to ask him not to take me to things I wasn’t needed for. I spent so much time sitting alone at these things.”

“Ah,” Harry acknowledged. “And is that why he didn’t take you to Paris?”

Louis pointed at him, smiling sadly. “Exactly. I provided him with the  _ perfect  _ excuse.”

Harry frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Sighing, Louis placed his hand on Harry’s wrist. He looked down at both of their hands, resting on Harry’s ribs, and felt a weird sort of twisting in his stomach. It was kind of a pleasant feeling. He was still kneeling next to Harry, looking down at him. His knees were beginning to ache.

“It is what it is,” he said quietly.

“I don’t like it,” Harry whispered back.

Louis took a long, slow, deep breath. “I’m… starting to think that I can’t change him,” Louis replied. “I can’t fix him.”

Harry was looking at him carefully and, for once, it wasn’t irritating to Louis. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. Harry  _ cared. _

“Trying to fix people only gets you into trouble,” Harry said. He licked his lips, pausing, before he turned his hand over and slipped it into Louis’. “It just—it can’t be done.”

“I know,” Louis whispered. “Look, um… how do you feel about eating a shit load of ice cream?”

Harry grinned and nodded. Louis stood and held his hand out to help Harry up, and they walked to the kitchen. Louis couldn’t help but think that it might have been somewhat of an error to drink so much, to lower his inhibitions around Harry. Still, Louis was confident that he could keep his head.

He pulled open the freezer and pulled out the unopened tub of Haagen-Dazs.

“Pralines and cream?”

“That’s actually my favourite,” Harry said with a grin. 

“Hm.” Louis put the tub down and grabbed two spoons. “Gareth’s too. I need to remember to buy a new tub before he gets home.”

Harry took a spoon from Louis in silence. Louis pulled himself up into his usual spot on the island and pulled the tub open, placing it on the counter next to him.

“I used to have this boyfriend who was lactose intolerant,” Harry said. “He would get grumpy if I even had ice cream in the house.”

“What?!”

“I know,” Harry said with a slight laugh. “I mean… don’t get me wrong, he was lovely. But I ate so much ice cream after we split up, and not because of my broken heart.”

“Can I ask?” Louis said, digging his spoon into the ice cream. “Why did you split up?”

“Ah, it kind of just stopped working between us. We grew apart, I suppose? He was, like, five years older than me and wanted to start settling, but I wasn’t ready for all of that. I was still going out all the time and it just kind of became obvious that we weren’t on the same page.”

“Oh.”

“Why do you ask?” Harry asked, a curious smile on his face.

Louis inhaled slowly. The truth was, Gareth was really the only proper relationship he had been in. He was starting to feel a bit like it was difficult for him to be objective about the state of their relationship. Yes, relationships were hard and they required work. But who decided what was something that could be worked through and what was a good enough reason to split up? 

He supposed that he had wanted to hear Harry’s story so that he could hear a legitimate reason that a couple might split. 

“I wanted to know why real people’s relationships fail.”

“What do you mean, real people?” Harry smirked. “Are you a  _ fake _ person?”

“Dunno, just… sometimes I don’t feel like a normal person? My relationship doesn’t feel normal. Does that even make sense?”

“Not really,” Harry said, grinning. “But I think we all think we’re frauds, you know? Part of being a grown up is being convinced that everyone else has their shit together and you don’t.”

“I suppose.”

Louis fell silent, eating ice cream as he contemplated. His mind was boggling, trying to work out exactly what he meant by not feeling like a normal person. Fuck, he was drunk. He just couldn’t think straight.

“What other flavours of Haagen-Dazs do you like?” Harry asked in a clear attempt to change the subject of something lighter and more neutral. “Cookies and cream is a classic.”

“Salted caramel is my favourite,” Louis stated. “Hands down.”

“I like belgian chocolate, but sometimes it’s a bit rich. I have to be in the mood. Strawberry cheesecake is great, too.”

Louis nodded in agreement. They both dug their spoons into the ice cream, Louis’ knocking into Harry’s. Harry knocked back in retaliation, throwing a lump of ice cream across the kitchen in the process. Louis tutted as Harry burst into laughter, shortly followed by Louis.

“Bloody prat!” Louis said through his laughter. He jumped down off of the counter and pulled off a couple of squares of kitchen roll.

“Hey,” Harry said, snatching it from his hands. “I’ll do it, you doughnut.”

Louis smiled as Harry bent down to wipe up the ice cream, which had landed on the floor, and Louis quickly averted his eyes when his eyes automatically looked at his bum. 

“Thanks.”

Harry stood back up and walked over to the bin to throw the kitchen roll away.

“Do you want it mopped?” 

“Oh. Don’t be silly.” Louis grabbed the tub of ice cream. “I’ll clean it before he gets back.

“Gross,” Harry said, eyes twinkling.

“Oi. You couldn’t find a speck of dirt in this house if your life depended on it.”

Harry took a couple of steps towards Louis, who stepped back and hit the counter. One more step and Harry was in Louis’ personal space, a little too close for it to be unintentional, but not close enough to feel overly inappropriate. Louis was clutching the ice cream between them and, despite the cold, he felt his palms begin to sweat.

“We’ll ruin our appetite from eating this ice cream, you know,” Harry said.

“You drank our dinner plans away,” Louis reminded him. “To the tune of two bottles.”

“Excuse me!” Harry smirked. “Two in  _ total. _ One each.”

Louis just shrugged and popped a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. Harry watched the movement and, once Louis put the spoon back into the tub, Harry reached up and wiped his thumb at the corner of Louis’ mouth.

“Messy pup.”

Louis’ heart pounded out of his chest as Harry put his thumb into his own mouth. His rabbiting pulse was like an alarm going off inside of him, alerting him not only to Harry’s close proximity, but how much Louis ached for him to lean in. They just looked at each other for a few agonising seconds, before Harry’s eyes flicked down to Louis’ mouth.

“Harry,” Louis murmured, gently placing his free hand on Harry’s chest.

“Fuck,” Harry whispered. “Sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He stepped back and walked away, clutching at his head. Louis sighed, placing the ice cream down and walked towards him.

“It’s okay.” Louis sighed, folding his eyes and blinking at the back of Harry’s head. “Look, whatever’s going on… it’s not just you. I promise. But—”

“Don’t. I know.” Harry turned around and shook his head. “Look, I should go.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I think it’s for the best.”

Louis shrugged. “Alright. But, um… let me book you an Uber.”

“Fuck,” Harry said with a sigh. “Forgot I can’t drive.”

“Your car will be safe parked here, don’t worry.” Louis focused on his phone screen. “Um… you need to put your address in.”

“I can do it on my app.”

“Please,” Louis said holding the phone out to Harry. “Let this be my treat.”

Harry hesitated, before taking the phone. “Okay. Thanks.”

The air hung thick and awkward as Harry used Louis’ phone to order his car, and then they waited in a strange, jagged silence. Luckily, the Uber only took a few minutes to arrive.

“It’s outside,” Louis said.

Harry nodded, getting to his feet. Louis followed him out into the foyer, and Harry lingered awkwardly at the door.

“Thank you for today.”

“Thank  _ you,” _ Louis replied. “For lunch, and the company, and…”

Harry sighed. “See you around.”

“See you soon,” Louis corrected.

Harry wrapped his fingers around the door handle, but Louis grabbed him arms and pulled him around to face him. He pulled him into a tight hug and sighed into his chest.

“See ya.”

Louis felt himself let out a little groan. He should have been embarrassed, but at this point he just didn’t have the energy for that. Hugging Harry, having his body pressed against him like this, felt every bit as delicious and satisfying as he imagined it would.

It was over all too soon, as Harry slipped out of his grasp and was out of the door without another word.

-

He sat cross legged on the floor by the back doors, clutching a cup of tea and watching the trees sway in the gale force winds. Stormy. Turbulent.

The more time that passed and the more of it he spent in Harry’s company, he felt himself getting closer and closer to… he didn’t know what. Something forbidden. Something unsteady. Something akin to falling off of a cliff.

He didn’t know. He was confused and conflicted. He had this weird ache in his heart and an itch in his bones, which were both practically screaming out that he needed to see Harry. He ignored it - he had to - but that was in vain because he knew that Harry would likely come to pick up his car today. At any rate, he had to pick it up today or tomorrow, because Gareth would be back on Friday and Louis didn’t want to have to navigate himself around awkward questions about the strange car in their drive.

There were so many things Louis needed to bear in mind before Gareth got home. He had to replace the tub of ice cream he and Harry had eaten yesterday. He had to put away all the stuff that Harry had used to make lunch, in the exact place it had been before. He had to either come up with an excuse for the missing bottles of wine, or replace them with somewhat cheaper alternatives and hope Gareth didn’t notice.

What a joke.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and sure enough, it was a text from Harry, saying he wanted to come by and pick up his car, if it was okay with Louis.

_ ‘No probs. Come in for a cup of tea? We can’t leave things like this xx’ _

Louis threw his phone down onto the hardwood floor, getting a weird satisfaction from the clattering sound it made. Soon enough, it buzzed obnoxiously, hopping across the floor before Louis grabbed it again.

_ ‘Definitely wasn’t planning on leaving it like this :) I’m coming now so be there in half an hour?x’ _

Louis replied to say that half an hour was fine. He should get up and change out of his sweats. As much as he wasn’t out to impress Harry, he couldn’t bear the thought of letting him in while he was wearing his sweats, the trackies with bleach spots because he always wore them to clean the bathroom, or the faded sweatshirt covered in bobbles.

So, he changed, and no sooner had he pulled some socks on, there was a knock at the door.

“Hey,” Louis said, smiling as he opened the door. “Come in.”

They headed to the kitchen in silence and Louis switched the kettle on. He turned around to see Harry lingering in the doorway.

“Oh, come in, for God’s sake.”

Harry smiled, walking into the room. “Um, I brought you something.”

Louis looked at where Harry was clutching a brand new tub of ice cream. He let out a quiet laugh. 

“Ah. Thank you.”

Harry handed him the tub and Louis popped it into the freezer while Harry took a seat at the island. 

“Louis?” he started. “Look, I really don’t want you to think I’m a shitty person. I don’t come here to try and steal you away from Gareth, or anything like that. I really do honestly want to be friends. It’s never my intention to, like, get all googly eyed at you. But I just… I can’t help it.”

Louis turned around and sighed as he threw a few spoonfuls of tea into the teapot. Okay. A frank discussion of feelings. He could do this.

“It’s like I said yesterday. Your feelings aren’t exactly one sided.” Louis sighed again. “But I’m in a relationship, and no matter what you might think of that relationship—”

“Louis, don’t say that.”

“It’s not right.”

Louis poured the boiling water into the teapot, before putting the tea cosy on and finally turning around to face Harry.

“Look, I’m not mad at you in the slightest, nor do I think badly of you. Don’t worry about that. Temptation is a fucker.” Louis shrugged. “It’s just, you know… I love hanging out with you. So, if this thing between us means we can’t hang out… I’m gonna be sad.”

Harry smiled softly. “Same. So maybe we should just… power through?”

Louis knew he was playing a dangerous game, even as he nodded in agreement, but he knew he couldn’t let Harry go. Not yet. He had felt a change in himself, and he was sure it was due to Harry, due to having a friend. Louis hadn’t noticed himself ebbing away over the past couple of years, but he was seeing parts of his old self again. He liked that.

“Absolutely,” he agreed. “You busy today?”

Harry broke into a wide grin. “Nope!”

“Let’s have a cup of tea. And then will you take me on a drive? I need to get out of this bloody house.”

-

“Right!” Harry slapped his hands onto the steering wheel. “Where are we off to?”

“I don’t care,” Louis said with a sigh, pulling his seatbelt on. “Just… away from here.”

Harry shrugged. “Okay.”

As Harry pulled out of Louis’ drive, Louis rolled the window down just to feel the breeze on his face. The sky was clear overhead, and Louis felt somewhat optimistic. Free.

“Motorway?” Harry asked after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Louis said. “I want to see some fields.”

“Alright,” Harry said, laughing. “If Sir wants fields, then fields Sir will get.”

Harry relinquished control of the radio over to Louis, who scanned up and down the FM stations until Harry had to tell him off. He finally settled on Capital FM, before focusing his attention on his phone. He sent a quick text off to his mother - he had been avoiding talking to her a bit due to his unrest regarding Gareth - and scrolled aimlessly through Facebook.

“You have Facebook?”

“Yeah,” Harry replied.

Louis’ mouth twisted into a frown. “I want to add you. But you-know-who might get suspicious.”

“Voldemort?”

Louis shot a glare at Harry, who stifled a laugh until it snorted out of his nose.

They chatted about basically nothing, and even embraced the occasional comfortable silence. Every now and then, Louis would randomly tell Harry to take an exit. Harry accused him of having an agenda, an ultimate destination, but he honestly didn’t. Having no plan or boundary was what was making Louis feel so liberated and free. Made him feel like anything could happen.

“Right,” Harry said, indicating left and veering into the lane. “We need to stop at these services. I’m desperate for a wee.”

“Alright,” Louis relented. “Must admit, I could do with something to eat.”

Harry took the exit to the services, pulled into a parking spot and switched off the ignition. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out, stretching as if he had never had the pleasure of doing so before.

“Right. Wee wee, then food,” Harry said.

“Did you just say  _ wee wee?” _ Louis snorted. “Are you serious?”

“Shut up.” Harry rolled his eyes as he stretched again. “I hope you’re good at massage, because my back is killing me from all this driving you around pointlessly.”

“I mean, I could always take over the driving.”

Harry smirked, shaking his head. “You’re not driving my car. You’re not insured.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“You’re not insured!”

Louis giggled as he followed Harry into the service station building. He had a vague feeling he had been here before - of course, most service stations looked the same - and his eyes immediately found the toilets at the opposite end.

“Loos are over there,” Louis said, pointing as he made a beeline for them.

“What do you fancy to eat?” Harry mused. “Not much here. We could get a sandwich from WHSmith, or there’s several thousand pasty shops to choose from.”

“How do you feel about Burger King? I really fancy a Whopper now that I’ve just seen that giant poster of it outside.”

“That’s cool,” Harry said with a shrug. 

Louis hung back and waited outside the corridor that led to the toilets. He actually needed to go himself, but he felt really awkward about the both of them going in at the same time. It was stupid, really, but he felt weird.

“Ready?” Harry asked Louis as he came out.

“One sec, I need to go, too.”

Harry blinked, a grin breaking across his face. “What? So now we can’t even piss next to each other?”

“Just seems a bit weird.”

Harry rolled his eyes and gently shoved Louis towards the corridor. Once Louis came back, they headed over to Burger King. Louis insisted on paying, handing over a twenty for their food and once Harry grabbed the tray and they headed over to the seating area, Louis frowned at the coins in his hand.

“Burger King costs more than I got for selling my kidney.”

Harry jerked his head around to look at Louis in alarm and consequently tripped over his own feet. Louis reached out to steady him, and luckily none of their food went flying.

“It was a  _ joke!”  _ Louis said with a stunned laugh. “Don’t fall over yourself about it.”

“I literally hate you.” Harry dropped the tray to the table and they sat opposite each other. “I ought to just leave you here. Stranded.”

“That’s okay. I’ll make a living selling overpriced, soggy sandwiches and travel pillows.”

Harry picked up a chip and threw it at Louis, who dodged it just in time.

“So,” Harry said, finally beginning to unwrap his burger. “You ready to head back yet?”

“No,” Louis said quickly. “Sorry. I just, I’m really enjoying being out of London. I get sort of… claustrophobic. I mean, where the heck are we?”

“I think we’re in Grantham.”

“Yeah? And where the heck is that?”

“Like, east of Nottingham?”

“Oh!” Louis nodded, interested. “You know, if we carried on up the A1, we would get to Donny.”

Harry narrowed his eyes. “Aha! So you  _ did _ have an agenda!”

“No!” Louis laughed. “Why would I want to trick you into driving me home?”

Harry shrugged. “Dunno. Well, maybe you did it subconsciously.”

“Maybe.” Louis squeezed a sachet of ketchup onto his burger wrapper. “If it makes you feel better, I reckon we should go east now, instead of north.”

“We could get to Skegness in, like, an hour and a half.”

“This trip is supposed to be cheering me up. Skegness would most definitely depress me.”

Harry laughed. “True. Alright, well. We’ll see where we end up.”

-

Harry couldn’t resist picking up a bag of Haribo on their way out, and they got back on the road. Harry took a series of turns, seemingly just choosing the easiest one each time, and soon they were back on the motorway. Louis could definitely have napped, but he felt bad. He made Harry drive them aimlessly across the country for absolutely no reason. The least he could do was stay awake and keep him company.

“Am I… old?”

“Hmm. What do you mean by old?” Louis asked.

Harry sighed. “Okay, am I… over forty?”

“Forty’s not that old.”

“Just answer!”

“Fine,” Louis said. “Yes.”

“Over fifty?”

“Yep.” 

“Right.” Harry sighed loudly. “So, I’m a woman. Actress, over fifty… do I have long hair?”

“No.”

Harry hummed, falling silent for a few seconds while he concentrated on changing lane.

“Do I star in a franchise?”

“Umm… What do you mean by franchise?”

Harry glanced sideways. “Like, a film series.”

“No. Well…”

“A film with a sequel?”

“Yes. thank you.”

“Maggie Smith!”

“No,” Louis said with a sigh. “How could it be Maggie Smith? After you  _ just _ asked about franchises?”

“No, sorry. Right.” Harry frowned, staring out at the motorway. The sky was growing dark, with thick, grey clouds closing in. “Am I American?”

“Yes.”

“Do I have dark hair?”

“No.”

Harry continued to frown, concentrating, before his face relaxed and he grinned.

“Meryl Streep!”

“Yes!” Louis sighed in relief. “Good job.”

“I was thinking of all these British actresses, but then I figured it probably wasn’t them because  _ every _ actor in Britain was in Harry Potter.”

“Gross exaggeration, but okay.”

“Hey. Looks like rain,” Harry said, just as a few big fat drops of rain hit the windscreen. “Looks  _ really _ like rain.”

Louis felt a niggle of dread in his stomach. He didn’t feel like rain. Quite the opposite, in fact. He had been feeling sunny and calm. This must have meant that a dark cloud would be descending on him soon, which fucking sucked.

Before he knew it, a couple more hours had passed, and Louis had absolutely no idea where they were. Again.

“I think I got us lost when we were playing  _ 20 Questions,” _ Harry said.

“Harry, how can we be lost? We didn’t have a destination.”

“Mm, well. I think I’ll stop at the next services we come to, and I’ll work out how to get us home.”

Louis pouted. The rain had cleared up but the sun was setting, and he wasn’t ready for this day to be over. He could hardly justify insisting that they didn’t head home yet, so he just sighed instead.

It was another half an hour until Harry found a service station, and he was growing visibly irritated. He was probably tired. Suddenly, Louis felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, not to mention incredibly stupid for this whole day. He was such an idiot.

“Ugh,” Harry grumbled quietly as he pulled into a parking space. “I need a coffee.”

“Harry, I’m so sorry about all of this,” Louis said, feeling words tumble out of his mouth. “This whole thing was just, like, the worst idea. Here we are, in the middle of fucking nowhere, you’re exhausted, and it’s all my fault. I feel so shitty. I just realised I wasted your  _ entire _ day for literally no reason.”

“Woah!” Harry laughed in surprise. “Lou, I’ve had the best day. I love to drive, and besides, I love spending time with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Stop worrying.” Harry smiled. “I am exhausted, though. I’m even considering taking you up on your offer to drive for a bit.”

“But  _ I’m not insured!” _

Harry laughed again, expression turning thoughtful as he looked outside. “Well…”

“What?”

Harry pointed. “I mean… there  _ is _ a Travelodge here. I know you’ll probably think it’s too awkward, but I mean, we could get separate rooms. It wouldn’t be weird, right?”

Louis chewed his bottom lip. Harry sold it well. If they had a room each, he couldn’t see why it would be a problem. Well,  _ Gareth _ would certainly see it as a problem. He considered saying no, but all signs pointed to it being the right decision. It would be safer: they could drive home when the sun was up, and Harry wouldn’t be tired, which would have the added bonus of making Louis feel a lot less guilty.

“Okay.” Louis nodded. “That sounds alright.”

Harry sighed in relief. “Oh my God. I’m so relieved that you said that. The thought of driving all the way back to London in the dark was horrible.”

Louis unbuckled his seatbelt. “Well, don’t get too excited. Let’s see if they have any rooms left. I think these places fill up with all those lorry drivers. Once we’re booked in, we can pick up coffee and snacks and stuff.”

“I love staying in hotels,” Harry said excitedly.

They made their way over to the Travelodge, and waited patiently for someone to emerge from the back. A woman finally walked out and sat behind the reception desk.

“Thank you for waiting! Are you checking in?”

“Uh, no,” Louis said. “We were just looking for two rooms, if you have any available.”

She sucked air in through her teeth as she looked at her computer screen.

“Let me see, we’re very busy tonight.” She tapped away before smiling tightly. “I’m afraid we only have one room available.”

Louis glanced sideways at Harry, who looked as if he was on the brink of bursting into laughter. Louis elbowed him.

“Well, we could always drive to the next service station.”

Harry sighed. “Look, it took us ages to find this one. I don’t mind, like, sleeping on the floor or something?”

“It won’t come to that,” Louis replied.

“Actually,” the woman behind the desk interjected. “The room we have available is a family room. It contains a king size bed and two pull out beds.”

“Thank God,” Harry said quietly, and Louis turned to shook him a look. “We’ll take it, thank you.”

“That will be £68, please.”

Before Louis could react, Harry pulled out his phone and tapped it to the card reader.

“Oh!” the woman behind the desk said with a slight laugh. “I didn’t know you could use Apple Pay for purchases over £30.”

“Yeah,” Harry replied. “You know, my friend paid his house deposit on Apple Pay.”

“No!” the woman gasped. “Wow! News to me.”

Louis listened to the inane conversation between the two of them, feeling a little bit awkward. The printer whirred, and the woman pulled the bill off of it and handed it to Harry, along with their key card and information. She reeled off some details, but Louis had stopped listening and started overthinking. There was no harm in sharing a room, right? It was no different to being in the same room in the daytime. Okay, so maybe Louis knew that was bullshit and anyway, things  _ had _ happened when they had been alone in the daytime.

It was going to be fine. It had to be.

He absently followed Harry over to the lift and got in after him.

“I hope you listened to what she said,” he told Harry. “Because I didn’t listen to a word.”

“Room 304, breakfast is in the restaurant on the first floor from 7am until 10am. WiFi is available for a fee.”

“Ugh, seriously. No WiFi?”

Harry shrugged. “What do you expect from a Travelodge? And it’s only three quid.”

Louis hummed in agreement as they stepped out of the lift and followed the signs to room 304. Once they found it and Harry had swiped them in, Louis went straight to the window.

“We have a wonderful view of the motorway.”

Harry snorted. “Marginally better than the car park.”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed, turning around to watch Harry fiddle with the air conditioning. “Hey, Harry?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for paying for the room. I’ll pay you my half, I swear.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. It’s fine.”

“No, I will.” Louis sat on the end of the bed. “It’s just, like... I would have tried to fight to pay, usually.”

“Okay,” Harry said carefully, sitting next to him, their thighs touching.

“I just really couldn’t have something like this appear on my statement.”

The implication dawned on Harry. His eyes grew wide and sad, and Louis hated that. There Harry went, feeling sorry for him again.

“Don’t do that,” Louis whispered. “Don’t pity me, or whatever.”

“I don’t pity you,” Harry responded. “I’m just frustrated.”

“Frustrated?”

Harry sighed. “Don’t ask, Louis. You don’t want to hear it.”

Louis inhaled deeply, pausing before reaching to take Harry’s hand in his own.

“Well, maybe I  _ need _ to hear it.”

Harry looked down at their hands and sighed. “Okay, well. I just think it’s really unfair that you don’t get treated the way you deserve. That’s all I want to say, really. I don’t wanna be that guy, you know?”

Louis chewed his bottom lip. He had been feeling some type of way the past few weeks, but he had been scared to formulate his feelings into real, coherent thoughts. This probably wasn’t the time to work through those thoughts and feelings, but he was about to open his mouth and speak anyway, apparently.

“I think, um… it’s just hard. We live together, we have a joint account, he even got me my job, and…” Louis shook his head. “Our lives are very entwined.”

Louis tried to be careful not to imply anything but from Harry’s eyes, he thought he had probably failed. He wouldn’t let himself entertain the idea of leaving Gareth. Even thinking about it sent a cold shiver through him.

Harry squeezed Louis’ hand. “The only thing that matters is your happiness.” Harry looked away. “And your safety.”

“Harry,” Louis said with an exasperated sigh. “I promise you I am never in danger. It’s not like that, okay?”

Harry turned back towards Louis, but still wouldn’t look at him.

“Lou, maybe he’s not physically abusive, but—”

“No.” Louis stood up and dropped Harry’s hand. “Don’t. That word—I… it’s not  _ like _ that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Come on,” Louis said, smiling and tilting his head towards the door. “We’re meant to go and stock up on snacks, and stuff.”

-

They bought too many snacks, but forewent alcohol this time. Despite the fact they were no longer driving home, Harry bought a coffee and they returned to the hotel.

“Look,” Louis said. “You should take the proper bed. I’m more than happy to sleep on the pull-out bed.”

“No! Why?”

“Um, because you paid for the room? Because you’re the one driving and it’s more important that you have a good night’s sleep? Because you’re prettier than me?”

Harry chuckled as he put his carrier bag down on the desk.

“Absolutely not true.”

Louis felt his cheeks pinken as he checked his phone. He hadn’t checked it for hours, and it was then that he realised that the only time he and Gareth had been in contact since he had been in Paris had been when Louis rang him yesterday. 

Not a single text or call.

Louis looked up at Harry, all smiled and soft, and it was like his entire life crumbled from under him. He was falling, free falling through the air, wind whipping around his ears and, as he watched Harry lay down on the bed, Louis hit the ground with a startling thud. Everything was clear.

He removed his trainers and laid down on the bed next to a surprised but happy Harry. Louis turned onto his side, propping his head up on his palm and looked down on him.

“You’ve changed everything, you know?”

Harry’s eyebrows knitted together. “What do you mean?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Just… I was plodding along before you came on the scene.”

Harry was frowning, but his eyes told Louis he was trying to read between the lines.

“Oh,” Harry replied. “Sorry?”

“No,” Louis said, laughing slightly. “Don’t you dare apologise. You’ve helped me feel more like myself again.”

“Oh,” Harry repeated.

“Thank you.” Louis dropped his head to the pillow and shuffled even closer to Harry, who seemed to freeze. Louis placed his hand on top of Harry’s. “I’m really glad I met you.”

“Same,” Harry murmured, eyes looking sideways at Louis as he smiled, seemingly reluctant to turn his head towards him. Louis wished he would. Instead, Louis leaned in and pecked Harry on the cheek. Harry turned his head, then. “What was that for?”

“Why do people always say that after a kiss?” Louis chuckled quietly. “What do you think it was bloody for?”

Harry just looked at him, his eyes wide and wary. In this moment, he seemed to be more scared about the situation than Louis was, and that just made Louis want him more. He wasn’t being selfish, he wasn’t just trying to get his leg over. He was right there with Louis, feeling the push-and-pull of the impossible situation.

Except it wasn’t impossible. Not anymore.

As Louis began to lean in, Harry’s eyes flickered closed and, just as Louis’ lips brushed against his, Harry jerked his head backwards and opened his eyes.

“Lou.”

“Harry…”

“Please. Don’t do something you are going to regret. I wouldn’t be able to bear it.”

“I won’t,” Louis whispered, mouth still mere inches from Harry’s. He lifted his hand to cradle Harry’s cheek. “I promise. Okay?”

Harry nodded, taking a breath before closing his eyes once more. Louis leaned in and kissed him, hesitant and chaste. Despite that, it sent fire through Louis’ veins and, by the time he pulled away, he felt dizzy. 

“Um, okay,” Harry said, making Louis laugh. “So…”

Louis grinned and rolled away from him. “Um, we have snacks to eat.”

Harry sighed and smiled. “Yeah.”

“It’s only nine. Are you tired?”

“Tired, yes. But nowhere near ready to sleep.”

“We’d better find ways to keep ourselves occupied, then,” Louis said, standing up.

Harry grinned, cheeks rosy. “Yeah?”

Louis cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah. Wanna watch a film?”

“We always watch a film. I’ll tell you what. I have cards in my car.” Harry rolled off the bed. “I’ll go and grab them.”

“Alright.”

“Be back in a sec.”

Harry glanced back at Louis as he headed toward the door. As soon as the door shut behind him, Louis exhaled loudly and ran his fingers through his hair. 

He had crossed the line, big time. He had  _ kissed _ Harry. And the thing was… he didn’t feel regretful. He didn’t feel guilty, not at all.

In fact, adrenaline was surging through him and he felt like he could fly. Harry had just stepped out of the door, would be back within two or three minutes, but Louis missed him. Craved him. Wanted to kiss him until the sun came back up and their lips were sore and chapped.

Louis reached into his pocket, and clutched his phone. If he pulled it out and he had a message from Gareth, maybe that would be a divine sign to give Gareth one more chance. Louis could forgive himself for a kiss, but not if he went any further. He took a breath and pulled the phone out.

Nothing.

Sighing, he switched his phone off and dumped it on the desk next to the television. If Gareth wasn’t thinking about him, he wasn’t prepared to think about Gareth.

The door opened, and Harry walked in the room, already grinning.

“Okay, hear me out,” Harry dropped his car keys to the desk and unzipped his hoodie. “Well, you know we bought those marshmallows to play Chubby Bunny?”

“Your idea, but yes.”

“I was trying to think of drinking games, and, how about this? We play Snap, and every time one of us snaps, the other one has to add a marshmallow into their mouth. Sort of Chubby Bunny-esque, but without saying chubby bunny. Let’s just see who can shove the most in.”

“Not as excited as a drinking game, I suppose, but I reckon it could be a laugh.”

“Yay!” Harry placed his hoodie on the back of the chair of the desk and threw the cards on the bed. He grabbed the marshmallows and chucked them over to Louis. “I hope you know… I’m one hundred percent gonna win.”

“You’re  _ that _ good at Snap?”

Harry grinned in an odd sort of way and pulled a pack of M&Ms from the carrier bag. 

“Um, no.”

Louis watched him as he returned to the bed, shit eating grin still plastered on his face. If he wasn’t so endeared to Harry already, he would have found it annoying.

“Right.” Harry took the cards from the pack and began to shuffle. “Suits don’t matter, just numbers. Whoever called snap first gets the pile and the other has to shove a marshmallow into their gob.”

“Fine.”

“Whoever runs out of cards first has to stuff three marshmallows in, then we redistribute cards.”

“Alright! Just deal already.”

Harry dealt the cards as Louis opened the big bag of marshmallows. They began the game, and almost immediately Louis called  _ snap _ and Harry had to put a marshmallow into his mouth. The game continued, Harry having to pop twice as many marshmallows as Louis. Louis was winning Snap, but as Harry slapped his palm down on the stack of cards, mumbling  _ snap _ around a full mouth of marshmallows, Louis inserted another marshmallow into his mouth and immediately knew he was going to lose the game of Chubby Bunny. He was already starting to gag, and Harry had a lot more in his mouth and was having absolutely no trouble.

That fucker. 

“Hih me,” Harry croaked through his marshmallows. 

“Uh?”

“Hih me!” Harry laughed and pressed two fingertips to his lips.

“Ohh, kih you! No.”

“Aww.” Harry frowned. 

They continued the game, and Louis won another two rounds. When he won the third, Harry was out of cards. He groaned and somehow managed to wedge another three marshmallows into his stupid big mouth.

Louis shook his head, trying to convey how utterly unbelievable he found it that Harry hadn’t spat out all his marshmallows yet. When he lost the next round, Louis tried to wedge a marshmallow into his mouth but he heaved, quickly emptying the marshmallow bag onto the bed before spitting the contents of his mouth into it.

“Ugh.” Louis croaked as Harry cackled. “This game is… so gross.”

Harry shrugged, reaching over and picking up the remaining six marshmallows. Louis looked on in fascinated horror as he pushed every single fucking marshmallow into his mouth, before shrugging again.

“You make me sick!” Louis said, letting out a stunned laugh. “This is what you were so smug about. You have no fucking gag reflex.”

Harry let out a muffled laugh before reaching for the marshmallow bag. He expelled all the marshmallows from his mouth and Louis had to look away.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so turned off in your presence.”

“Hey!” Harry squeaked. He stood up to grab a bottle of water. “Okay. I’ll admit. That game was gross.”

“I thought I was gonna be sick.”

“At least, in that sense, it was similar to a drinking game.” Harry returned to the bed and snatched up the cards. “Well, we had our first kiss and then learnt about each other’s gag reflexes. Productive evening so far.”

Louis laughed before climbing onto his knees and shuffling over to Harry. Harry shoved him, and Louis fell down onto the bed with a soft bounce.

“Oi! Slow down, Styles.”

Louis was joking, but Harry was looking at him in a way that sent a shiver through his body. It was a look that he had never seen from Harry, but he guessed that Harry was  _ allowed _ to be open about how he felt now.

“Come here,” Louis said quietly.

Harry laid next to him, and Louis pushed his fingers into the hair at the back of Harry’s neck. He had been itching to get his hands on those curls. Harry leaned down as Louis tugged slightly, and they kissed. Warmth coursed through Louis’ veins and, when Harry pulled away, it was way, way too soon.

“Where ya going?”

“Nowhere,” Harry said with a smirk. “Just taking it slow.”

Louis rolled his eyes as Harry laid down next to him and shuffled close. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Harry’s hand move down near his waist. He had a momentary panic, before he felt Harry’s finger graze his lower stomach. He startled at the touch. His t-shirt must have ridden up when he fell to the bed.

Harry started to move, shuffling around until he was facing the other direction, legs bent so his head was near to Louis’ waist. Louis felt ridiculously self conscious all of a sudden. Harry’s hand went back to Louis’ stomach, his fingertips grazing the skin gently.

“That tickles,” Louis said quietly.

Harry pushed his hand slightly under Louis’ t-shirt, glancing at him for signs of discomfort. Louis nodded for him to continue, and Harry pushed the t-shirt up past Louis’ belly button. He leaned down, glancing once more to check that Louis was okay, and pressed his lips to Louis’ skin.

Louis gasped, and immediately felt embarrassed. Harry didn’t react, although Louis could have sworn he could feel Harry’s lips curve into a smile. He watched as Harry kissed across his stomach, above his belly button before pressing a line of kisses to the skin just above the waistband of his jeans. It felt strangely sensual. Sexy. It had been a long time since someone had made Louis feel like that. As he willed himself not to get hard, he watched as Harry materialised a felt tip pen out of nowhere and removed the cap.

“Oh…” Louis said. “No, no. Harry! No.”

Harry paused, pen pointed in his hand. He frowned, pouting.

“Harry,” Louis continued. “You can’t. What if it doesn’t wash off, and—”

“Oh.” Harry shuffled back up the bed and smiled reassuringly, showing Louis the length of the marker. “It’s a washable one. It’ll come right off, I promise.”

Louis swallowed. “Okay.”

“You can trust me. I’ll make sure, okay?”

Louis nodded. If he was honest, he knew he could trust Harry. He wouldn’t be here with him if he didn’t feel like he could one hundred percent trust him. 

He watched, heart beating out of his chest as Harry carefully pressed the pen against his skin. He drew shapes in green ink, or at least Louis assumed they were shapes. After a few moments, Harry stopped to admire his work and Louis leaned up to look.

Louis felt a surge of… he didn’t know what it was. It was a feeling that swelled up and threatened to completely engulf him, pull him under and suffocate him. There, four or five times on his left hip, were little green  _ H _ shapes. It was soft and intimate, at least it was to Louis, and the enormity of the situation hung thickly in the air. 

Harry punctuated each letter with a kiss, before finally blowing a raspberry against Louis’ tummy. Louis yelped in surprise before laughing.

“Harry!” he said with a giggle.

Harry chuckled quietly, turning around again to face Louis. They looked at each other silently as Harry stroked his thumb over Louis’ eyebrow, cheekbone, the tip of his nose, down to his mouth. He let it rest there for a second, before leaning in to kiss Louis. It was delicious, and Harry tasted of… truth? Desire? Love?

Louis mentally rolled his eyes at himself. Not only was he thinking in crazy sappy cliches, but he had no business even thinking the L word. Nobody was in love in this situation. It was what it was.

Not that Louis didn’t think he could fall in love with Harry, eventually. If they had been in a situation where they were free to explore that kind of thing, that was.

Fuck. He was overthinking. He was good at that.

“You okay?” Harry whispered.

“Never better.”

Harry hummed before kissing Louis yet again, lingering against his mouth for longer this time. When he grazed his tongue over Louis’ lips, Louis parted them and let him in immediately.

It was hypnotic, and Louis began to feel dizzy. Harry’s hand slowly moved down his body until he hit the exposed skin of Louis’ lower stomach pushing his hand under his t-shirt and running his fingers over his ribs. Something came over Louis and he pulled Harry closer, and Harry practically tumbled on top of him. He felt Harry’s body weighing him down, felt his warmth. It was silly, really, but Louis almost felt like a virgin again. It hadn’t been that long since he had last had sex, but this situation just felt like a new beginning to him.

“Popping to the loo,” Harry told him, kissing his cheek before his warmth was gone.

Louis watched in silence as Harry trotted towards the bathroom. He had just a minute to compose himself, and his heart was pounding. What would have happened in an hour’s time? Two hours? Louis sat up and looked over at his phone on the desk. Nothing he did tonight could be taken back. What was already done was done. They had crossed one line and they may have been about to cross another. He pulled his t-shirt off before he could think anymore about it, throwing it to the floor and taking a deep breath. He looked down at the little Hs on his tummy and knew that, no matter what, he wasn’t going to regret tonight.

“Oh.” Harry came out of the bathroom, stared at Louis’ chest and beamed. “Nice.”

Louis stood up and walked over to Harry. He draped his arms around Harry’s neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Your eyes are so green,” Louis said dumbly.

Harry was gazing at him so intently that Louis wasn’t sure he had even heard him. Louis slid his hands down Harry’s body before pushing them under his t-shirt and pulling it over his head. Harry complied, sticking his arms in the air before Louis threw the t-shirt to the floor.

They began to kiss again, pressing against each other as the warmth between them grew into a heat, kisses becoming more eager as Louis took a couple of steps back and pulled Harry towards the bed.

Louis sat down and tugged Harry with him. As soon as Louis laid back, Harry crawled on top of him and straddled his hips, all the while keeping his mouth firmly attached to Louis’ . When he finally pulled away, he laid down next to Louis and took his hand in his own.

“I promise that this is the last time I ask,” Harry said. “But are you really sure about all of this?”

“Yeah,” Louis replied with a smile. “I’ve turned a corner.”

Harry smiled serenely and materialised his felt tip from somewhere. He lifted Louis’ hand, still clutched in his own, and began to idly draw on the back of it.

“I’m glad,” Harry replied.

“I don’t feel guilty, if you’re wondering.”

Harry let out a small laugh. “Mm. Me neither. And I feel guilty about it.”

Louis smiled softly as Harry pressed a kiss to the inside of Louis’ wrist, watching carefully as he lowered their hands. Louis looked to see what he had drawn or written and his breath caught in his throat.

_ I want you _

They kissed again and, as Louis ran his hand down Harry’s body, his fingertip grazed over his nipple and Harry let out an involuntary groan. The sound went straight to Louis’ dick. It was a beautiful sound, something like music, but indecent at the same time. From that moment on, all that Louis could think about was making him make that sound again.

He continued to feel his way down Harry’s body, pausing for a second before slipping his hand onto Harry’s bum. Harry hummed, and Louis felt pleased. He gave it an experimental squeeze and Harry groaned. Louis pulled away to look into Harry’s eyes, for no reason other than he just needed to see him.

Harry just smiled at him. Louis leaned in to bump his nose into Harry’s, making him smile even wider, baring his teeth.

“Why am I nervous?” Louis whispered, feeling like he was spilling his biggest secret.

Harry’s smile melted away and he chewed on his bottom lip as he silently reached for Louis’ hand. The felt tip pen came out again as Harry added to his previous message. If Louis’ breath had caught in his throat for that one, he practically choked on this one.

_ I want you inside me _

Harry was watching him closely. It was so open, yet there was something so innocent and endearing about Harry being shy to vocalise what he wanted. Louis looked at his hand and smiled.

“I want that, too.”

“Don’t be nervous,” Harry said we he reached down to unbutton his own jeans. “We’ll go completely at your pace. If you’re uncomfortable at  _ any _ point, just say.”

Louis batted Harry’s hands away and unzipped his jeans slowly. Harry’s erection was straining beneath it, and having his fingers so close felt heady to Louis. Harry let out a soft moan and rolled onto his back to tug his jeans off. Louis watched as he pushed them past his thighs, struggling somewhat with getting them completely off. Louis stared at the waistband of Harry’s boxers, which had come down slightly with the jeans, exposing a strip of paler skin. Before Louis knew it, Harry’s hands were working on getting Louis’ jeans undone, and Louis lifted his bum to shuffle out of them. Harry was on him, then, his mouth on Louis’ as he slid on top of him, their erections bumping into one another, making Louis gasp.

“Um…” Louis mumbled. “Harry?”

“Mm?”

“I just realised, we don’t have any stuff.”

Harry pulled his mouth away and looked down at Louis. “Hm? Oh. Well. Would you judge me more if I said I had stuff in my car, or if I said that when I went down to get the deck of cards, I brought the stuff up with me?”

Louis let out a soft laugh, slipping his fingers into the hair at the back of Harry’s head.

“So you really thought I was a sure thing, huh?”

“No,” Harry said with a fond roll of the eyes. “I always like to be prepared. I mean, imagine if I had to go down to the car now? Or worse, had to pop over to Boots to buy the stuff?”

“It’s  _ even _ worse, ‘cause Boots is probably closed.” Louis tugged at Harry’s hair and delighted as his eyelids fluttered. “Kiss me.”

Harry did as he was told. As they kissed, Harry started to writhe on him and Louis felt himself break into a sweat. Louis’ mind zoned in on the moment, everything else in his world melting away into nothingness. This was all he wanted, the only thing that mattered, and he was going to seize it. Take charge of it.

He ran his hands down Harry’s body and pushed his boxers down. As Harry moved to kiss Louis’ collarbone, Louis closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling. He felt Harry kiss his chest, ribs, stomach, and he opened his eyes as Harry kissed over the little Hs dotted above the waistband of his boxers. Harry glanced up at him as he hooked his fingers in the waistband. Louis took a deep breath to steady himself, nodding before Harry pulled his boxers down below his dick, and then off.

Harry moved off of Louis, heading over to where his hoodie was draped over the desk chair. He pushed his hand into the pocket before returning to Louis with a condom and a small bottle of lube.

“Imagine if they had fallen out of your pocket when you got back.”

Harry snorted softly. “Talk about awkward.”

As Harry placed the condom on the bedside table and threw the bottle of lube onto the bed, Louis took in the full sight of him, naked. His body was defined yet soft, and Louis wanted to touch every single inch of him. Harry slipped onto the bed.

“Lay down, then,” Louis told him, and watched with a grin as Harry laid on his back and parted his legs. “God, look at you.”

Harry wrapped his fingers around his dick and bit his lip. “Gonna open me up, babe?”

“Yeah.”

Louis picked up the little bottle of lube, fiddling with the cap. Harry sat up and took the bottle from him.

“Here.” He popped the cap and drizzled lube all over Louis’ fingers. “I like it really wet.”

“God,” Louis muttered as he smeared the lube over his fingers. Harry positioned himself back on the bed and Louis felt a wave of nerves again. He moved in and pressed the tip of his middle finger between Harry’s arse cheeks and against his hole. As Louis continued to stroke over it, Harry groaned and whined, but Louis wasn’t all that confident that they weren’t just for his benefit. He frowned.

“Hey,” Harry said softly. “You okay? You look a bit, um… self-conscious.”

Louis sighed, blinking rapidly. “I’m just… I’ve never been that good at this stuff.”

“There’s no way that’s true. I refuse to believe you’re bad at anything in bed.” Harry smiled reassuringly. “You’re just overthinking.”

Louis scrunched his nose up, unconvinced.

“Look.” Harry lifted his right leg and placed it on Louis’ shoulder with a grin. “Relax. You’re doing fine. Push the tip of your finger in.”

It felt a little humiliating, Harry having to tell him how to finger him, but he did it anyway. He moved his finger slowly, and the embarrassment started to ebb away as Harry’s nostrils flared, eyebrows twitching.

“Yeah,” Harry croaked. “Good. Now, just… crook your finger. Like this.”

Louis looked up as Harry crooked his finger, moving it slowly as if to say  _ come here. _ Louis copied him, and Harry’s mouth twitched into a smile.

“Now, come here. Really, come here. Kiss me.”

Louis moved to lay on top of Harry, keeping his finger where it was as he kissed Harry. Harry grabbed hold of his head, keeping him there as he slid his tongue between Louis’ lips. Louis began to move his finger, finally letting instinct take over as his mind stayed on Harry’s tongue. Harry groaned into Louis’ mouth and, this time, it felt genuine.

It gave Louis the confidence he needed, as it happened. As he moved his finger, he realised that if he stroked inside Harry in a certain way, it drew a vocal reaction from him, so he stuck at it. Harry pulled his mouth away from Louis’, panting.

“Fuck, see?” He kissed Louis again. “I’m ready for a second one, babe.”

Louis carefully pulled his middle finger out of Harry and pushed it back in, his ring finger pressed next to it. They didn’t kiss again, Louis instead watching as Harry’s eyes fluttered closed and his breath came out in little puffs. Throwing caution to the wind, Louis experimented with speeding up a bit and Harry let out a guttural moan. He started to move his hips, trying to push down on Louis’ fingers. Louis felt like his brain was about to short circuit.

“More. Please.”

When Louis pushed three fingers into Harry, Harry grunted through gritted teeth and Louis stilled his fingers.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s just… the stretch.” Harry exhaled. “It’s good, promise.”

Every minute that passed by felt like a blur, and in the back of Louis’ mind he willed himself not to forget it. To hold on to the memory of this night. In essence, he was in the middle of cheating, being unfaithful to his long-term, live-in boyfriend. The reality of it was that Louis was sure that this was just the beginning of something wonderful. Something significant.

“I’m ready,” Harry announced. “Fuck me, Lou.”

Louis pulled his fingers out of Harry, wiping them as best he could on his discarded boxers before reaching for the condom on the bedside table with trembling hands. 

“Wait.”

Louis looked at Harry and sat back on his heels. Harry’s legs were either side of him, knees bent, and Louis was absolutely dying to push into him. Instead, he balled his fists on his thighs to steady himself as Harry started to sit up. He scrambled onto his knees, then all fours. He leaned down and kissed Louis’ hip, moving in to kiss the base of his dick, and then his shaft.

“Oh my God,” Louis groaned dumbly. 

He gasped as Harry sunk down, taking Louis into his mouth. Almost immediately, Louis was worried that he was going to come, way, way sooner than he should. He ran his fingers through Harry’s hair and, when his hands were on the back of Harry’s head, Harry stilled and looked up at him.

Again, Louis decided to carefully experiment. He held Harry’s head and slowly moved his hips, pushing his dick further into Harry’s mouth. Harry let out a choked moan, so Louis picked up the pace ever so lightly. It was glorious, so glorious, and Louis clenched his eyes shut. He had to focus on not coming. The only problem was that all Louis could  _ actually _ focus on was how Harry’s warm, wet tongue felt, sliding on the underside of his shaft.

“Uh…” Louis tugged Harry’s head backwards. “You have to stop, or I’ll come.”

Harry sat back on his heels. His pupils were blown wide, his cheeks flushed red as he silently laid back and parted his legs. Louis once again reached for the condom, ripping the corner of the packet and Harry watched as he rolled it down his shaft.

“More lube,” Harry said quietly. “I like it wet.”

“So I hear,” Louis said with a laugh, relaxing a little as he grabbed the bottle of lube.

When he pushed into Harry, it felt like the entire world was ending. The heat of Harry enveloped him, pulling him in and pushing him under. He began to move, Harry matching his every movement and it was just a matter of minutes before Louis felt his orgasm cresting. He wrapped his hand around Harry’s straining dick, quickly tugging at it but as his orgasm ripped through him, he lost all focus. He cried out, sheer euphoria taking over him before his body fell limp and he felt like he had blacked out for a second.

He came to his senses after a second, continuing to move his hips and tug at Harry’s dick and soon enough he came, too. Louis collapsed on top of him, and they both panted to catch their breath.

“That was awesome,” Harry said.

“I came too fast,” Louis panted. “I’m really sorry.”

“Oi!” Harry kissed Louis’ sweaty forehead. “Don’t apologise.”

They laid there for a while, Harry’s come smeared between their bodies and Louis still wearing the condom. Harry eventually got up, wiggling off to the bathroom to get a flannel to clean them both up.

When he returned, the first thing he did was take Louis’ hand and wipe off the message he had written earlier.

“Sorry, Lou. I just cannot lay here next to you and see that.”

Louis giggled softly. “Embarrassed?”

“Yes!”

They cleaned up, Louis removing and tying off the condom and Harry wiping them both down. They slipped under the covers and cuddled close. Louis couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy, and that scared him.

For now, they were content to just lay there. Louis listened to Harry drift off and begin to snore gently his arm draped across Louis’ chest. Louis held onto Harry’s hand, fingering over his rings, and knuckles, and veins. His mind inevitably drifted to Gareth, almost as if his brain was goading him into feeling guilty. He wasn’t really sure if he was feeling something or not. He kind of felt disconnected from the whole saga. Gareth felt a million miles away.

Harry stopped snoring and he woke up. He let out a soft grunt, and Louis wanted to stay by his side forever.

“I drifted off.”

“You did,” Louis confirmed, before lifting his head to kiss Harry. “I’m hungry.”

“We have six tonne of snacks. Or we could order room service.”

“Room service?” Louis snorted and sat up. “In a Travelodge?”

“Right,” Harry acknowledged. “I’ll go out and see what’s open, if you want?”

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Louis said, cuddling close to him. “Snacks will suffice. Don’t leave me.”

Harry kissed him on the top of his head. “I won’t leave your side. Promise.”

Harry broke his promise almost immediately when he slipped away from Louis to fetch the snacks. He headed into the bathroom to grab the plastic tumblers and poured them each a glass of Fanta. When he returned to Louis and handed him his drink, they clinked their tumblers together.

“To…” Harry paused, frowning.

The air turned a little awkward. What  _ were _ they toasting to? There was a lot of stuff up in the air that they should probably speak about at some point. Louis chewed his bottom lip, before shrugging.

“To good sex.”

Harry seemed pleased by that, if the wide grin that split his face in two was anything to go by.

“Indeed! To good sex.”

They kept eye contact as they sipped from their tumblers. There was a new tension between them, sexual tension sparking up and making Louis’ heart pound. He had to pull his eyes away from Harry’s turning to put his Fanta on the bedside table.

“So, um… will we go to breakfast in the morning?”

“Why don’t we just see what time we wake up?” Harry shrugged. “If we miss it, it’s not as if we don’t have a handful of places on site anyway.”

“Yeah, true. Good plan.”

“Hey.” Harry slipped his hand into Louis’ and smiled. “I’m sad this will be over tomorrow.”

Louis stared down at their linked hands. “By  _ this, _ do you mean…”

“The trip! The road trip. Not… not us… our, um, friendship.”

Louis gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m sad too. And, um… I don’t know what’s gonna happen when we get back, and stuff. I feel very muddled. But one thing I know is that I definitely don’t want to lose you.”

Harry cocked an eyebrow. “So, not regretting it yet?”

“Never.” Louis reached over and grazed a finger over Harry’s nipple, delighting in the way he gasped. “I’d happily do it all over again.”

-

They had a calm night, and the pull-out bed lay forgotten as Louis cuddled up to Harry. Neither of them slept very well - Harry wasn’t used to sleeping next to someone and Louis wasn’t used to sleeping next to someone warm and cuddly - so they were up in time for breakfast. Louis had a nice, long shower, leaving Harry to snooze on his own in the meantime, and then they headed down to eat.

“I’m so tired,” Louis whined quietly as he piled his plate high with bacon and scrambled eggs.

“You can nap on the drive home, don’t worry.”

“I feel guilty doing that. I feel like I’m abandoning you.”

Harry chuckled. “Ah, it’s okay. Just being in your company is enough, you don’t have to be conscious.”

“Bit of a weird thing to say,” Louis replied with a smirk. “You not too tired?”

“Nah, I’m alright.” Harry shrugged as they returned to their table. “I’ll have a coffee and I’ll be good to go.”

Louis watched as Harry buttered a slice of toast. He was so full of infatuation for this man. Even right from the beginning of their relationship, it had been different with Gareth. Louis had been working in hospitality, serving drinks at a VIP event when they met. Gareth had taken an immediate shine to Louis, charming the pants off of him, quite literally. Even then, everything had felt one-sided. Gareth wanted Louis, and he made Louis fall for him.

With Harry, it very much felt like they were falling for each other.

“Sausages or bacon?” Harry asked Louis. “If you  _ had _ to choose.”

“Bacon, one hundred percent. No contest!”

“Hm. I mean, I  _ do _ like sausages…”

“Is that another dick joke?”

Harry shot him a look. “But I think I have to agree. Bacon, all the way.”

Louis had a strange energy thrumming under his skin. He felt like he wanted to tell Harry everything, but he had nothing to say. He felt like he wanted to get up and go sit on Harry’s lap, right here at breakfast, in front of everyone. He had all these feelings and emotions swirling inside of him and he didn’t know how to get them out. 

Harry had fallen silent and, once Louis snapped out of his thoughts, he noticed Harry just looking at him, smiling.

“What are you staring at?” Harry asked.

Louis sighed, propping his chin on his palm. “Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“You.” Louis shrugged. “Just wondering what’s gonna happen.”

Harry smiled sadly. “Hey. Don’t think about it until you’re home. Please.”

“Sorry.” Louis laid his hands flat on the table. “I just feel all funky.”

“I get that,” Harry said softly, placing a hand on top of Louis’.

They finished their breakfast and headed back up to their room, stealing kisses in the lift on the way. Once they got back into the room, Harry jumped in the shower and Louis got to tidying the room up a bit. It was a bit of a mess, and it kind of looked how Louis’ mind felt. He didn’t reckon it would be as easy to tidy his mind as it was the room.

When Harry emerged from the bathroom, he had a towel around his waist and another in his hand, squeezing water from his hair. He beamed so warmly, so easily at Louis that his heart clenched.

“What’s the time?” Harry asked.

Louis looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “Ten past ten.”

“Huh.” Harry nodded, pouting. “Two hours until we have to check out.”

“You should nap,” Louis told him. “I hate the thought of you having to drive so far back when you’re tired.”

_ “Not _ what I was thinking of to fill the time.”

Louis smiled. “Oh.”

Harry leaned against the wall, arms folded as Louis walked over to him. Louis stroked the back of his hand over Louis’ cheek, running it down to his jaw, his neck, his collarbone. Harry’s arms fell to his side and he stood up straight, watching Louis closely.

Louis stepped even closer and placed his hands on Harry’s waist. He pressed his nose against Harry’s neck, inhaling the smell of the minty shower gel they had bought to share. Harry slipped his fingers into the hair at the back of Louis’ head. Louis had the urge to say things again, but he feared he might regret it. Not because he didn’t mean it, but because, if he admitted it, it might open the floodgates. 

He really couldn’t do that. Not yet.

When Harry spoke, it felt as if he had read Louis’ mind.

“We could just… run away,” he whispered by Louis’ ear. “Imagine if we just kept driving and never came back.”

Louis sighed against his neck. As much as Louis knew Harry was just saying it, it was obvious that Harry wanted them to be together. Harry cared about him.

“Don’t,” Louis whispered back.

“Sorry.”

“Go and lay down.”

Louis stepped away and watched Harry walk to the bed and lay down.

“Lou?”

Louis smiled as he walked over. “Yeah?”

“You seem a lot more confident and assertive than you were when I first met you.”

Louis paused before sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking his hand over Harry’s.

“Well, being around you has made me feel like me again.” Louis raised his eyebrows. “I told you that. Thank you, Harry.”

For the first time ever, Louis thought that Harry looked sad. Really sad. Louis hated that.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

“We’re gonna get this thing sorted.”

Harry just smiled, Louis kissed him before standing back up to pull his t-shirt over his head. He laid next to Harry, on his side, and just ran his fingers over Harry’s body. Louis honestly thought that, if he could, he would be able to spend days upon days in bed with Harry, just touching his skin. Eventually though, Louis moved his hand down and untied the towel around Harry’s waist. 

“If we, um, need a condom, you’ll need to go down to the car.”

“That’s okay. We can manage without.”

“I hope you’re not thinking about using the shower cap in the bathroom.”

Louis rolled his eyes as he pushed the towel aside to expose Harry’s dick.

“You make a lot of jokes.”

“It’s only ‘cause I’m nervous.”

“Oh! You’re nervous?”

Harry nodded. “Take your jeans off.”

Louis laughed as he stood up and tugged his jeans off. He fixed his boxers, still damp from earlier when he had washed them in the sink and dried them the best he could with the crap hotel hairdryer. Harry was watching him, so he cupped his dick and winked.

“Will you get over here?” Harry said with a laugh.

Harry shuffled up and Louis laid down next to him. Harry rolled him onto his side and cuddled behind, spooning him.

“Just wanna hold you close, one last time.”

“It won’t be the last time,” Louis said immediately.

Harry sighed quietly. “You said yourself, we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“And  _ you _ told me not to worry about this stuff until we get home. Just touch me?”

Harry pressed his lips to the place Louis’ neck met his shoulder and ran a hand down to his hip. He slipped it into Louis’ boxers, wrapping his hand around his shaft. Louis groaned, pushing his bum back and feeling Harry’s dick, half hard and pressed against him.

Louis quickly pushed his boxers down as Harry tugged on him. They writhed and moaned together, Louis eventually coming with Harry’s name spilling from his lips. Harry pulled the towel from underneath them and wiped Louis’ come from his stomach and immediately afterwards, Louis pushed him onto the bed and kissed him before moving down the bed to take him in his mouth. It didn’t take long for him to come, and Louis swallowed before returning to Harry’s side to catch his breath.

“You know,” Harry said. “This trip has felt like it’s lasted ages, but at the same time, it’s over too soon.”

“Yeah,” Louis replied softly. “I know exactly what you mean.”

-

They got in the car, Harry armed with a gigantic coffee from Starbucks, and began to make their way back down south. Louis had been trying to prepare for this and how he knew it would feel, but it was awful all the same.

“Um, Lou?”

Louis pulled his eyes away from the motorway. “Mm?”

“I know we said we would wait and see what happens, but I don’t think we should leave it like that. We should talk, at least a little bit.”

“Now?”

Harry smiled sadly. “Um, I feel like it would be easier for me if we have a valid excuse not to have eye contact.”

“Well.  _ That _ sounds ominous.”

“I just mean… I think I’ll be able to think clearer. If I was gazing into your eyes, I’d probably sign all my worldly possessions over to you, or something.”

Louis let out a quiet laugh. “I suppose.”

He watched as Harry’s hands tightened on his steering wheel.

“Okay,” Harry said with a sigh. “Let me just say that I really like you, which I hope you already know, and that this whole thing obviously wasn’t just sex for me.”

“I do know.”

“Good. The last thing I want to do is pressure you into  _ anything, _ though.”

Louis turned to look out of the window once again. It seemed so simple. None of this would have happened if he was happy in his relationship, and the obvious thing to do would be to end his relationship and be with Harry instead.

In reality, it wasn’t that easy. Things were new and exciting when he first started dating Gareth, to, and Louis would never have expected things to end up like they were now. Besides, he and Gareth had been together for two years. They lived together. Their lives were very entwined and if he were to end things, it would get messy.

Despite all of that, there was no question. The simple truth was that he couldn’t stay with Gareth. Not now. 

“As I’ve said, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but one thing I do know is that things cannot go back to normal. This has changed everything.”

“Yeah.”

“Look, love, I don’t want you to wait for me, or anything like that. Just because I don’t want to hold your life up.” Louis shook his head, looking up at the sky. “You’ve been the push I needed, but our problems came way before you did.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Harry quickly glanced over at Louis. “I know how hard this is for you, you know.”

“It’s impossible.”

They fell silent for a few moments before Harry spoke.

“Well!” he said, a little louder than necessary. “Talking about it is over. Let’s just enjoy the time together, yeah?”

“Agreed.”

Louis smiled, leaning over to kiss Harry on the cheek.

-

Half way back to London, they stopped off for some lunch. Harry fed Louis chips, looking at him like he had something else he wanted to put into his mouth. Once they were back in the car, they had a quick snog before attempting to throw Haribo sweets into each other’s mouths.

Once they set off again, Louis finally turned his phone on. Notifications from various apps trickled in, texts from Niall and his siblings and his mother. Facebook and Twitter crap. Notably absent was any word from Gareth. Louis rolled his eyes. Even now, he felt himself clinging onto the hope that Gareth would turn around and just… care. If they could salvage their relationship, everything would be easier.

He knew full well, really, that theirs was a ship that had sailed.

Louis felt more and more dread washing over him the closer they got to London He looked at each sign they passed, watching the number of miles to London dwindle until they found themselves slogging through the permanent traffic jam that was the M25.

“Oh, babe,” Harry said with a sigh. “Stop worrying. It’s not as if he’s gonna be there when you get back.”

“I know.” Louis folded his arms. “It’s just… getting back to reality. It sucks.”

“Told you we should’ve run away.”

“Stop!” Louis said with a laugh. “Ugh, maybe we should have.”

They finally came off of the motorway and made their way through the streets of London. When they finally pulled up outside of Louis’ house, he felt like he was going to cry.

Stupid.

“Right,” he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come in for a cup of tea.”

Harry laughed. “We’re really just dragging this out, aren’t we?”

“Look, there’s no way I’m saying some big emotional goodbye to you in this car or on my doorstep. So, come in.”

Harry sighed, relenting as he got out of the car. He followed Louis to the front door in silence.

“Your neighbours aren’t going to tell Gareth if they’ve seen us, will they?” Harry asked when they got inside, frown on his face.

Louis snorted. “No. I doubt they even know our names, to be honest.”

“Oh.”

Louis took his trainers off and sighed down at them. Home.

“Right, um… I’m gonna get changed,” he told Harry. “Make yourself comfortable.”

He trotted upstairs and into his bedroom. It felt kind of eerie. Everything was exactly how he had left it but for Louis, everything had changed. Something about his entire world being turned upside down while everything else carried on as normal freaked him out.

He quickly changed into sweats and headed back downstairs.

“Sorry,” Harry said quickly when Louis walked into the kitchen. “I thought I’d put the kettle on for you.”

“I wouldn’t. Don’t think it would suit you.”

“Excuse me,” Harry said with a laugh. “I’m the one who makes the dad jokes around here. So back off.”

Louis nodded, relenting. “That  _ is _ true.”

Harry walked away from the kettle to let Louis make the tea.

“You look nice,” he offered.

Louis looked at him like he was crazy. “Harry, I’m wearing old sweats.”

“Yeah! You look cosy. Casual. It’s kind of sexy.”

“Okay.” Louis laughed and shook his head. “You’re weird.”

As Louis made the tea and left it to brew, he realised the housekeeper must have been. He knew there had been a couple of bits in the sink, and the teapot had been emptied and cleaned. Louis just hoped that she wouldn’t mention anything about Louis’ absence to Gareth.

“Going back home is gonna suck,” Harry whined. “I’ll be all alone, nothing to do but think about you.”

Louis hummed as he fetched two mugs from the cupboard. “Well, it will be the same for me. Until, of course, Gareth comes home. Then, everything gets worse.”

Harry was silent for a second. “If you need me at any point, I’m just a phone call away. I hope you know that.”

“I do.” Louis smiled. “Thank you.”

He poured the tea and jumped up to sit on the island. It didn’t take long for Harry to move into the space between his legs, push his hand up the back of Louis’ sweatshirt and kiss him.

Louis didn’t know why, but it felt like the most romantic thing he had ever experienced. Ever since their first kiss, Louis and Harry had been unable to carry out the simplest of tasks without descending into kissing, and that kind of spontaneous passion was something that Louis had never experienced, not in himself nor anybody else.

“Stop,” Louis eventually said, regretfully. “We know where this will end up if we carry on.”

Harry pulled away, pouting. “Ugh, you’re right.”

Louis smiled sadly. “I just kind of feel like it’s not right to do that here, you know?”

“Yeah.” Harry grabbed his cup of tea. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Louis sighed loudly and jumped down from the island. He was sporting a semi that prominently tented his joggers. “I mean, I really want to.”

“So I can see.”

“Ah,” Louis said lightly.  _ “This _ is why you like me in sweats.”

Harry shrugged noncommittally as he downed his tea.

“Right.” Harry placed his mug in the sink. “I’m gonna have to go home at some point, so I’m just gonna do it.”

Louis felt his heart sink. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

Louis walked him to the door. This fucking sucked.

“Text me when you get home, yeah?”

“I will do. Um… so, when does Gareth get back?”

“Day after tomorrow,” Louis said with a sigh. “I’m back at work tomorrow, though.”

Harry nodded. “Okay. Well… stay in touch? Especially once, um… yeah.”

“Yeah,” Louis said softly, stepping close and embracing him. “Take care, okay?”

“You too.”

Louis clenched his eyes shut and kissed Harry as if his life depended on it. He felt as though it might. A little niggling voice in the back of his mind told him that there was no guarantee that he would be able to keep all the promises he had made to Harry, and so he kissed him like it was the last time. Just in case it might be.

Harry took a last look at Louis, eyes impossibly sad, before walking out of the door without another word and closing it behind himself.

Louis stared at the closed door for a moment before his body surprised him and he began to cry.

-

Hours of Louis’ life were lost to staring into space. He couldn’t get Harry off of his mind, and at the same time, he was unthinking. He knew he had to pull himself together. He was back at work tomorrow and the day after that, Gareth would be home. The thought sent a shiver through him.

He jumped in the shower - losing another twenty minutes to staring into space - before curling up on his bed, still wet and still naked, drifting in and out of sleep. Everything was messed up, and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

The fact was, he had cheated on his long-term boyfriend, and he was very much still emotionally involved with the man he had cheated with. He really, really didn’t know what he was going to do once Gareth was home. The thought of leaving him crippled Louis with fear. At the end of the day, as hard as it was, Louis needed to put Harry to one side and focus on what was best for himself, and only himself.

Louis managed to get himself up and get on with it. He pulled himself together enough to get ready for work the next morning, and he headed in to find that Niall had already arrived and got started on their opening routine.

“Hey, Tommo!” Niall cheered as Louis walked in and waved. “Nice trip? How was Paris?”

Louis sighed loudly and slammed his bag onto the bar. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“What?”

“He didn’t take me.” Louis tried to keep the bitter tone out of his voice, but he failed. “I’ve been at home.”

“Oh,” Niall said. “Mate, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Look, I don’t want to get into it.”

Niall nodded and dutifully changed the subject, catching Louis up on the gossip from the past few days. By the time they opened for the day, Louis almost felt back to normal. Whatever the heck that meant.

“How’s the girlfriend?” Louis asked Niall.

“Ah, fuckin’ great!” Niall sighed happily. “Can you try and come on a night out next week? Please?”

“Uh.. yeah. Maybe.” Louis nodded. “I’d really like to.”

Niall beamed, seemingly pleased by Louis’ uncharacteristic enthusiasm. It was unusual for him to give such a positive answer, but he was absolutely not willing to let Gareth get in his way. Not anymore.

“Great!” Niall replied. “It might have to be on Thursday, because every other day she—”

Niall fell quiet, and Louis followed his eyes to see what he was looking at. For a second, Louis was completely convinced he was hallucinating. 

“Harry?”

Harry waved sheepishly from the door and made his way over to the bar.

“I’m gonna, um…” Niall trailed off and disappeared off somewhere.

“Hey,” Louis said quietly to Harry. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m really sorry.” Harry smiled nervously. “I wanted to see you, so bad that I couldn’t take it. I hope you’re not annoyed.”

Louis felt a pleased blush colour his cheeks. “Of course not. Sit down, have a drink.”

Louis poured Harry a cider and Harry took a seat at the bar. Although Louis had spent the best part of two days with Harry - and had thought about him nonstop ever since - he felt as if he had forgotten how strikingly beautiful he was. His green eyes were bright and dancing, and Louis felt his heart jump. He was in so much trouble.

“I’m really glad to see you,” Louis told him. “Um, but you need to be really careful about coming by, love. Gareth sometimes—”

“I know,” Harry replied, cutting him off. “You told me last time I came in.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“You have to know, I’m not going to make things difficult for you, okay? Not if I can help it.” Harry smiled reassuringly. “I’m not gonna come in here and make eyes at you when I know he could walk in any minute. I’m only here ‘cause I know he’s in Paris.”

Louis sighed. “Yeah, of course. I’m sorry.”

“I  _ am _ sorry for coming in, though. I know you probably wanted some space.”

Louis looked over to Niall, who had come back behind the bar and was intently cleaning a mirror on the wall.

“To be honest…” Louis turned back to look into Harry’s eyes. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”

“Oh,” Harry said, sighing with relief. “Me too.”

“Look, um… I really should do some work.”

“Sure, sure.” Harry wrapped his hand around his glass of cider. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

Louis grinned at him and headed to the other end of the bar, where somebody was waiting to be served.

A small lunchtime rush kept Louis and Niall busy for about an hour, and Harry was on his second drink. He didn’t seem that interested in drinking or getting pissed, rather more occupied by watching Louis work. When the bar quietened down again, Louis paused to have an orange juice while Harry sipped on his Pimms and lemonade.

“Been up to much?” Louis asked Harry as he rounded the bar and sat on the stool next to him.

“I had to pop into work for a couple of hours this morning. I was supposed to be at work yesterday.”

“What?” Louis gasped. “Harry, that’s bad.”

Harry just shrugged. “Ah, I think I got away with it. I’m going back in later this afternoon to do some bits and pieces, then tomorrow I’m off at an event. I wouldn’t bunk off of something like that, obviously.”

“Hmm, okay,” Louis replied with a grin.

“What about you?” Harry asked, wrapping his lips around his straw and taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, I’ve not been up to much. Just had a personal crisis after you left, you know, big emotional breakdown and stuff, then got up and came to work.”

Harry smiled sadly. “Oh.”

“Ah, ignore me.” Louis grinned before sighing. “I’m being flippant. I’ll be fine. Eventually.”

“Well, let’s not talk about it.” Harry playfully swatted at Louis’ ribs. “Let’s talk about something a little lighter.”

“Like what?”

“Uh…” Niall said from behind the bar. “Louis?”

Louis looked up at Niall, then followed his eyes to the door. Louis was completely and utterly taken aback. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, walking over to the door. “What a lovely surprise.”

He embraced his mother. Of all the people to walk into the bar, he would never have expected his mum.

“Your communication with me has become ropey at best, yet again,” she said to him as he pulled away. “I’m fed up of sitting up in Yorkshire just waiting for you to come up and visit me, so I took the bull by the horns, so to speak.”

“Oh.” Louis cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

“I’ll be around for a few days.” She walked past Louis and dropped her handbag onto the bar. “Here to keep an eye on you. I’m booked into a hotel just down the road.”

“You could have stayed at mine and Gareth’s.”

Jay frowned deeply at Louis, which made him recoil slightly. Louis knew that his mother probably doubted very much that she would be welcome in his home, and Louis felt a pang of guilt at that. What made it even worse was that she was probably right.

“So.” Jay picked up her bag again and walked slowly towards Harry. Louis widened his eyes and walked past her to stand behind Harry. “Who’s this?”

“This is my mate, Harry.” Louis slapped his hand to Harry’s shoulder. “He, uh, works with Gareth.”

“I see.” Jay looked at Louis as if she was looking right through him. “Nice to meet you, Harry.”

“Harry, this is my dear old mother,” Louis said, earning a deathly look from Jay. “Um, so… I finish in a couple of hours, Mum, why don’t we grab a late lunch?”

Jay looked so suspicious. Did she know Louis  _ that _ well that she could tell something was going on? Louis hoped not, but he had a sinking feeling that she saw right through his facade.

“Trying to get rid of me?” she replied lightly.

“No, no. Just… I do need to finish my shift.”

“Right.” She looked at Harry before looking back to Louis. “Text me when you’re finished. I’ll be about.”

“Will do.”

Jay turned on her heel and walked straight back out of the door. Louis let out a breath and shook his head.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured to Harry as he headed back behind the bar.

“She’s a little, um… intense. Formidable, almost.”

“Overbearing,” Louis corrected nervously. “Well, maybe that’s not fair. She’s very protective.”

Harry stirred his drink with his straw as he nibbled on his bottom lip.

“I don’t blame her,” he said quietly. “I take it she’s met Gareth?”

Louis paused. “She has, yeah.”

Harry just nodded. Louis awkwardly got back to work, and Harry quickly finished his drink.

“Um… I’m off.” Harry slid off of the bar stool. “But… I’ll see you soon?”

Louis nodded. “Definitely.”

-

Louis hid his face behind his menu. 

“I think I’m gonna get a calzone,” he mused.

His mum didn’t reply. After a few seconds, he peeked over his menu. She was just staring at him.

“What?” he said, dropping his menu to the table. “Come on, let’s get it out of the way.”

“Get what out of the way?” Jay asked, pulling her own menu up in front of her face.

Louis sighed. “Well… I dunno. Why did you really come?”

Jay lowered her menu. Louis watched her expression closely as she narrowed her eyes and her lips pouted ever so slightly. Louis swallowed. Even though he was an adult who had flown the nest, his mother could still stare him into submission.

“I tried to ring you the other day and your phone was off.” Jay sniffed and tapped her nails on the table. “I’m sick of waiting by the phone for you to ring me or waiting for you to come back up to see me, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. This way, you have far fewer excuses to avoid me.”

“Mum,” Louis replied with a sigh. “I don’t try to avoid you.”

“Could have fooled me.” Jay turned her attention back to her menu. “Are you going to tell me who Harry really is?”

“What?” Louis said quickly. “What do you mean?”

“Your  _ dear old mother _ is far cleverer than you give her credit for.”

Louis sighed. He had no reason to lie to her. She was probably disappointed in him as it was, disappointed at how his life had turned out.

“He’s… he’s…” Louis didn’t know what to say. What was he? Harry was special to Louis, that much was true, for sure. It would be utterly unfair to call him  _ the other man, _ even though it was technically accurate. For Louis, he was the only man. Louis clutched at his forehead. “Okay. Yeah.”

“Yes what?”

“What you’re thinking. You’re right.”

“Well, what am I thinking?”

Louis scoffed and chewed on his thumbnail. Why did she have to make it so difficult? As if the situation wasn’t hard enough for Louis as it was, he now had his mother to answer for.

“I’ve been… kind of seeing Harry. It’s a mess, Mum.”

“And what about Gareth?”

“Mum.” Louis groaned. “He’s away at the minute. I’m gonna sort it out when he’s back.”

“How?”

The waiter came over and took their order, Jay turning into the soft, polite, sweet mother that Louis remembered from his younger days. He missed her. So much.

Her warm smile melted away as the waiter retreated and she turned her attention back to Louis, raising her eyebrows.

“Well? How?”

“I don’t know!” Louis whined and clutched his head again. “I  _ don’t know. _ Look, I—I don’t want to hurt Gareth. I need to be tactful.”

“So, you’re definitely going to leave him?” Jay asked, sounding slightly hopeful.

“Yeah, okay, Mum. You don’t have have to sound so happy about it.” Louis scoffed and folded his arms. “This is my life, you know.”

“I’m sorry, Louis.” Jay shook her head. “You can’t blame me. You’re a shell of the confident, happy, vibrant boy I raised, how can I not be unhappy about that? You’ve not been happy in a long time.”

Louis’ stubborn streak made him reluctant to admit that his mum was right. In truth, he should have had the courage to do something about it a lot earlier. He spent too long tiptoeing around Gareth and wishing for a day when it would get better. It should not have taken an affair to bring him to his senses.

“I am going to end it,” he reassured her.

-

The next day, Louis was on another early shift. On his way home, he grew more and more nervous. He was practically shaking as he slotted his key into the front door lock.

He quietly shut the door behind him and kicked his shoes off. The house was silent, calm, but he could just  _ feel _ that Gareth was there. Somewhere. Not particularly wanting to go in search of him, Louis headed into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

It wasn’t long before Louis heard footsteps behind him, and he looked over his shoulder to see Gareth standing in the doorway.

“Hey,” Louis said with a smile.

“Hi. Where have you been?”

Louis paused. “At work.”

“Ah.” Gareth sighed, walking into the room and yawning loudly. “It’s good to be home.”

“You have a good time?” Louis asked, staring down at the teapot.

“Ah it was fine. You know Paris. Dreary and grey.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t know Paris. I’ve never been, have I?”

“Oh. Of course.” Gareth approached Louis and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, and Louis stiffened. “Maybe I’ll take you there someday.”

“Doesn’t sound very promising. I won’t hold my breath.” Louis smiled sadly to himself. “It’s only a two-hour train journey.”

Gareth stepped away from him. “Yeah. Have fun by yourself while I was away?”

Louis turned around and faced Gareth for the first time since he walked in. He was wearing that cocky, vacant smile that had, once upon a time, reeled Louis in, disarming and charming him until he found himself where he was now. Stuck.

“Lots of fun.”

Louis folded his arms and walked off. He headed to the toilet, putting the lid down and sitting on it. He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t leave Gareth. Couldn’t stay with him.

He didn’t know what to do. For a second, he wondered if he should have just packed his bags and left before Gareth got back home. But, as hostile as Louis felt towards Gareth, that just wouldn’t have been fair to him. Gareth at least deserved an explanation. He deserved to know exactly why Louis was leaving him.

Louis took a couple of deep breaths to try and settle his nerves and headed back out to poor himself a cup of tea. Gareth had fetched himself a bottle of stella from the fridge, and was standing at the back doors, looking out

“What are we having for dinner?” Gareth asked. “I’m knackered. Maybe a takeaway?”

“Oh, um… I’m going out with my mum for dinner.”

“Your mum?” Gareth turned to look at Louis and shook his head, uncomprehending.

“Yeah, she’s in town for a visit.”

“Oh,” he replied, exaggerating his tone of surprise. “Where is she staying?”

“Some hotel in town.”

“Why isn’t she staying here?” Gareth asked. “We have two guest rooms.”

Louis couldn’t help the expression that crossed his face, almost akin to a scowl.

“Well, her appearance was a complete and utter surprise to me, so she had already booked herself in by the time she showed up at work.” Louis pressed his lips together before adding, “I suppose she must have felt like she wouldn’t be very welcome.”

Gareth just blinked at him, sipping from his bottle of lager. Louis fetched the milk from the fridge, busying himself with pouring it into his mug and stirring the tea. Once he had put the milk back, he picked up his cup and turned back to Gareth.

“In fact,” Louis began, feeling annoyance start to tickle in his stomach. “It’s a cheek of you to even mention it. You hate spending time with my family remember?”

“What’s got your knickers all in a twist?” Gareth let out an indignant laugh. “Such a nice, warm welcome home for me.”

“Whatever.” Louis looked out to the garden and sighed inwardly. It was pretty blustery out, the trees swaying ominously and spots of rain lashing against the window. “I’m gonna have a lie down in the spare room.”

Louis quickly headed out of the kitchen and towards the staircase. Once he reached the top, he sighed with relief. He just couldn’t find it in himself to be loving or even kind towards Gareth at this point, but he needed to compose himself a bit more before having  _ the _ conversation.

-

“You should have done it as soon as you got home,” Louis’ mum told him. “You should’ve had your bags packed, ready to go.”

“It’s not that simple, Mum.”

“It should be.”

Louis just gave her a look and speared a chunk of chicken with his fork. 

“It’s not that simple,” he repeated in a mutter.

“The longer you wait, darling, the harder it will get.”

“Okay!” Louis huffed. “Stop pressuring me, please.”

“Sorry, Louis.” Jay cleared her throat and paused, seemingly to gather her words. “I’m going to stay here. I’m not leaving London until you’ve done it.”

Louis frowned miserably as he stared out of the window of the cafe.The wind was still battering the streets of London, lampposts swaying and people clutching at hats and scarves for dear life. Louis felt a similar turbulence inside of him, and he wasn’t sure what he could cling to for dear life.

“Alright.” Louis smiled as best he could. “Thanks.”

-

Not being able to bear the thought of sleeping in the bed with Gareth, Louis slept in the spare room. He felt pleased to wake up to a text from Harry.

_ ‘This wind is crazy. Have you seen the name of the storm?x’ _

Louis frowned slightly and opened his news app. Scrolling down, he found an article about the storm.

_ Storm Gareth: Travel disruption as gusts of 75mph hit UK _

Feelings his mouth twitch into a smile, Louis texted Harry back.

_ ‘Ha!... accurate xx’ _

Louis sighed, dropping his phone to the bed. He could hear muffled clattering coming from downstairs, and his heart sank. He had rather hoped that Gareth would have some kind of job to go to this morning, hoped that he could have the chance to delay the inevitable. 

He got out of bed and heading into the bedroom he shared with Gareth and quietly pulled a few clothes from the drawers. He had to be sensible and methodical about this. Prolonging the process after he had dropped the bomb on Gareth was definitely not something he was keen on doing and so, hands trembling, he packed himself an overnight bag, stuffing in as much as he could, so that he could get out of the house as soon as possible.

When he went downstairs - placing his bag by the front door - Gareth was in the living room. Louis walked in, and Gareth looked up from the sofa, his laptop on his thighs. 

“Hey.” Gareth smiled tentatively. “Come sit.”

“Uh…” Louis smiled back weakly. “What are you looking at?”

“Just looking up some hotels in Paris.” Gareth turned and grinned at Louis, who sat down beside him, Gareth’s face looked odd. He was clearly making an effort to placate Louis - which almost pushed Louis to reconsider what he was about to do - but there was an ever-present undertone of smugness. “I want to take you there.”

Louis sighed inwardly. This wasn’t going to be easy. It was never going to be easy.

“Gareth, close the laptop for a second.”

Gareth paused for a moment before slowly closing the laptop and placing it on the sofa.

“Well?”

Louis took a deep breath, frantically searching his mind for the words. He hadn’t planned it. He had tried, but he couldn’t think of a single good way to begin to say it. He opened his mouth, sort of just hoping that the right words might come out.

“Um… look, I’m not sure if this is working anymore.”

Gareth froze, and Louis’ heart jumped out of his chest.

“What?” Gareth replied quietly.

“Gaz, things haven’t been wright for a while. There’s no way you could possibly not have noticed that.” Louis sighed. “I just don’t think we’re good for each other, love.”

“I  _ thought _ we were trying to work things out.”

“That hasn’t actually really happened though, has it?” Louis rubbed his temples. “Face it, you’re not the best at compromising. You just get arsey with me.”

The guilt was written all over Gareth’s face. “That’s not true.”

Louis scoffed. “Look, I’m not trying to get into a back and forth here. The bottom line is… I’m just not happy anymore. I’m sorry.”

“What are you trying to say?” Gareth said, voice slightly raised and strained. “Y-you’re not…”

“I’m leaving.” Louis stood, and Gareth’s eyebrows shot up.

“No, no. Lou. Wait.” Gareth scrambled to his feet. “You can’t.”

Louis sighed and turned to face him. “I  _ can,  _ Gaz.”

“You can’t!”

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Louis said shortly, almost snapping. “Not anymore.”

“I’m not telling you want to do. I’m— I’m asking. Begging.”

Louis blinked at Gareth, watching as he balled his hand into a fist and covered his mouth with it. His eyes were shimmering and Louis’ heart sank. If Gareth began to cry, Louis might actually lose his resolve.

He turned and sat back down, clutching his hands together.

“Gareth, I love you. I do. But this relationship is tearing me down. Every time I try to speak to you about it, you don’t want to know. I asked you to give me some more time to myself and you responded with spite and seemed to take it as a personal insult.” Louis folded his arms and looked at the floor, shaking his head. “You don’t even like my family. I feel isolated, and don’t you see how toxic that is? I need to get my sense of self back.”

He looked up and Gareth was frozen, staring into space. Louis slowly stood up once again.

“So, um… I’m gonna go and stay with my mum for a bit, and… I guess I’ll be back at some point to get all of my stuff.”

Louis waited for a reaction or response, but there was nothing. He hesitated, before walking past Gareth and into the foyer. 

“Wait,” Gareth said from behind him. “You can’t just walk away. Are we not even going to talk about this?”

“Oh, Gaz,” Louis growled impatiently. “Look, I’m not going to change my mind. I’m sorry, you’re not getting your own way this time.”

Gareth’s eyes widened, and Louis headed towards the front door.

“Don’t go,” Gareth said, his voice cracking.  _ Shit. _ He was crying. “I can’t be alone.”

Louis just shrugged, tired. He had spent so much of their relationship thinking about what Gareth wanted. Even now, Gareth still expected Louis to bend and fold to his will.

“It’s not always about you,” Louis said.

He quickly pushed his feet into his trainers, picked up his bag, and pulled the front door open.

_ “Wait,”  _ Gareth said, reaching out and grabbing Louis’ arm.

“Get off of me, Gaz.”

“Not until you agree to stay so we can talk about this.”

Louis rolled his eyes. He couldn’t help himself

“Get off of me,” he repeated. “We can talk another time.”

Louis ripped his arm out of Gareth’s grip and pulled the front door open. He quickly stepped outside and closed the door firmly behind him.

He breathed a huge sigh of relief. At least, he felt as though it was relief.

-

The tube journey into town felt like both the blink of an eye and a painfully long ordeal. He had texted his mum on his way to the station, making sure she would be at her hotel to receive him.

It felt surreal. Ever since not long after he met Harry, he had known on some level that his and Gareth’s relationship would come to this. Before he met Harry, well. There was no way he would have ever had the courage to even think about doing it. Wouldn’t have had the courage to think about even wanting it.

“How are you, darling?” Jay said quickly as she opened her hotel room door to Louis, standing there clutching his overnight bag. “Come in, come in.”

“I’m, um… yeah. Okay, I suppose.”

“How was it? How did he take it? Did he hurt you?”

“Did he what?” Louis shook his head. “No, Mum. Of course not.”

“Just making sure, darling.”

Louis frowned at her as he threw his bag down by the foot of the bed. He looked around the room.

“Oh, um…” Jay cleared her throat. “I called down to reception and they’ll bring a pull-out bed for you a little bit later.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“I’m booked here until the day after tomorrow. Shall I go and see if I can extend my stay for a day or two?”

“No, no.” Louis shook his head. “I can’t expect you to put your life on hold for me.”

Jay folded her arms. “Well, I’d like to be here for you, should you need me.”

“I’ve left him,” Louis replied hollowly. “You’ve got what you wanted.”

“That’s not fair,” Jay bit back.

Louis propped himself against the edge of the desk. Maybe it was out of order of him. HIs mother only wanted what was best for him, surely? He sighed. He felt… funky. Clouded in the brain.

“Sorry, Mum.”

“Alright. Look, why don’t I take you out for lunch? Take your mind off of things for a bit.”

“Oh, I don’t…” Louis paused, pouted, and rubbed his stomach. “Actually, I didn’t eat breakfast.”

“Mm. I thought not.”

-

There wasn’t much a good fry up couldn’t cure, but Louis reckoned this might have been one of those things.

“I don’t know what to do, Mum.” He sighed, cutting into a sausage. “Losing Gareth means losing my home, and probably my job.”

“Your job?” Jay asked in surprise. “Why?”

“Gareth got me that job,” Louis said, punctuating with another sigh. “If he’s feeling spiteful, I’m sure he could have me let go.”

“Illegal,” Jay said flatly. “That won’t happen.”

“I’m not even sure if I want to work there anymore.” Louis chewed the inside of his cheek. “I need to reevaulate basically everything.”

“Where will you live?”

“I guess I’ll stay with someone until I can find a flat of my own.” Louis smiled reassuringly, but in his mind, he knew he had only two friends, Niall and Harry. “I’ll find a job. It’s going to be fine.”

“You’re always welcome home, darling. You know, I dust your room every fortnight.”

Louis smiled at her. He was beginning to see glimpses of the warm, caring mother he felt like he had lost over the past year or two. She had grown short and nagging, but it was only because she cared. It was only because she didn’t like Gareth, and likely knew deep down that they weren’t a good fit.

No. Louis had to change his attitude. It wasn’t about not being a good fit. It was about Gareth’s behaviour. 

“Daisy and Phoebe have become obsessed with makeup.” Jay had changed the subject, talking fondly about Louis’ sisters. “They make such a mess, always making each other over. They’ve even started on poor Doris, now.”

Louis frowned. “I’m going to come home so much more often, Mum.”

-

Jay headed out to have dinner with some London friends, so Louis stayed at the hotel and ate room service. Being on his own - in status and in actuality - felt immensely comforting to him. He thought that, once he was alone, the enormity of the situation might hit him. He expected for the tears to finally come.

But he snuggled under the duvet and watched a film. He was cosy, warm and full and he didn’t have a care in the world. Okay, so maybe he didn’t have a place to live and was probably going to leave his job. But the simplicity of this, of doing whatever the hell he wanted and not having to answer to anybody… well, it was all he could ask for, if he was honest.

He idly wondered about where to go from here. Maybe he could ask Niall for the use of his sofa for a week or two while he found a place to live. Getting a job would probably be easy enough, if he was willing to do any old thing. Maybe he could give his boss from his old hospitality job a call, see if there were any shifts going.

A more pressing matter was the fact that he needed to fetch his things from Gareth’s. Maybe his mum would come with him tomorrow to do it. There was absolutely no way Louis was prepared to do it on his own. With any luck, Gareth would be at work and Louis could just get in, get his stuff, and get out. 

Louis sighed loudly. A tiny bubble of panic took him by surprise. He would never live in that house again, never drive Gareth’s car again. Never hold Gareth close and kiss him again.

It was regretful that it had come to this, and that was the only emotion that Louis was sure of feeling at that moment.

-

Louis’ heart leapt into his mouth when he saw Gareth’s car outside of the house. He silently prayed as he opened the door and, sure enough, Gareth’s house keys were not on their usual hook. He must have called a car for himself or - God forbid - he had taken public transport.

“It’s not right, Louis,” Jay said with a sigh. “You shouldn’t be scared of him being home when you walk in.”

“For the last time, it’s not like that,” Louis insisted. “It would just have been difficult and awkward. He didn’t exactly take it well.”

Jay shut the door behind her and looked around. “Has he been calling you?”

“Yeah.” Louis looked over his shoulder at her. “Like, a dozen times, but I’ve just been ignoring my phone.”

Jay just raised her eyebrows and began to walk towards the kitchen. “Nice place.”

“You’ve been here before.”

“I’ve been here once, when you had just moved in.” She shrugged. “I don’t remember much about the place.”

“It was only, like, six months ago,” Louis said softly. “Don’t be dramatic.”

“Mm, well. Let’s just get this over and done with.”

Louis headed up the stairs, his mother a few steps behind him. Their bedroom looked… normal. Louis didn’t know what he had expected, but the bed was neatly made and the room was as tidy as Gareth tended to always leave it. He frowned and walked out of the room. He peeked into the spare room, and the duvet was screwed up in a ball, an indent on one pillow and the other pillow on the floor. There was an empty bottle of wine on the bedside table, and Louis was ashamed by his feeling of relief that Gareth had clearly had a harder time than he had initially thought when he had seen the tidy bed back in the bedroom they had shared for the past six or so months.

“You okay?” Jay asked.

“Found the scene of the crisis.” Louis glanced around the room, trying to think if he had anything in there. “Let’s go back into, um, the master bedroom.”

It was easy at first, Louis locating his big suitcase and loading all the clothes from his drawers into it. After that, it was a case of working out what he could plausibly call _ his, _ and what things were worth the hassle of taking and then fighting for, if it came to that.

The TV in the bedroom - he had technically paid for it, but he had bought it for the both of them and besides, it would be an arseache to try and take it. The DVDs he had moved in with, but had never watched - no point.

The little photos on the wall next to his side of the bed - photos of his family, old friends from back home, a couple of Gareth. He unhooked the multi frame from the wall and put it on the bed.

“Pictures of Gareth?” Jay asked.

“And you, and the girls, and everyone else I know.”

Louis headed to the bathroom. He grabbed a toothbrush - he wasn’t sure why, considering he had bought a new one yesterday to use - and headed over to the shower. He stepped in. The glass walls were still wet, Gareth’s shower gel uncapped on the rack. Louis stared at it for a second, before picking it up and sniffing it.

It didn’t remind him of the current Gareth - the Gareth he had known over the past few months - but the Gareth he had first met, charming and smiling and passionate. For a split second, Louis felt desperately sad about how things had turned out, and wondered if they could ever have repaired their relationship, go back to better times.

He snapped out of it and put the shower gel back. Gareth had always been selfish and controlling, but he had just been better at hiding it back when they first met.

“Louis!” Jay hurried into the bathroom, whispering loudly. “Gareth’s here!”

“What?” Louis replied, feeling his blood run cold.

“Well, someone just opened the front door with a key!”

Louis walked to the stairs and saw their housekeeper by the door, carefully wiping her feet on the mat. 

“It’s the housekeeper, Mum. Stop worrying.”

Jay frowned. “Well, come on. I wanna get out of here.”

Louis returned to the bedroom and continued to hand his mum things to pack for him. He filled his suitcase and a duffle bag, and he ordered an Uber to pick them up as they went downstairs to look for any last minute things Louis wanted to take.

He pulled one or two magnets off of the fridge, mostly for the sake of it, before checking the cupboards. He pulled two chipped mugs that he had brought with him when he moved in, and then turned to shrug at his mum.

“I think that’s it.”

“Nothing in the living room?”

Louis was bored of this and, like Jay, he just wanted to get out of there, regardless, he headed into the living room. There were lots of things he would have  _ liked _ to take, but they weren’t his. The comfy L-shaped sofa. The elegant grand piano. The 8K QLED TV with thirteen built-in speakers.

“Nope.”

“Uh…” Jay narrowed her eyes and walked over to the bookcase. “This is yours, Lou.”

“What?”

Jay pointed to the  _ Bose _ wireless speaker. Louis smiled.

“Ah, yes. You bought it for me for Christmas. Spent far too much money on me.”

“Yes, well.” Jay cleared her throat, picking up the speaker and putting it under her arm. “It’ hard to buy for the boy who lived with someone who bought him everything he wanted.”

Louis sighed. “Mm. Money isn’t everything, clearly.”

He headed to say hello - and goodbye - to the housekeeper, before dropping his key to the hall table and leaving the house for the last time.

-

Louis peered down at his Uber app, then up at the door in front of him, chewing on his bottom lip. Maybe this wasn’t right. Was it creepy?

Okay, it was definitely creepy, but he sighed as he pushed his way through the front gate and knocked on the front door before he could talk himself out of it. There was no response, and Louis was about to walk away when the door finally opened. 

The quizzical look on Harry’s face nearly made Louis laugh, but he settled on smiling instead.

“Hi. Um, I know this is weird and kind of out of line, but, um…”

“Louis,” Harry said with a laugh. “Come in.”

Harry lived in a small terraced house with a few housemates. As Louis followed him into the cramped, cosy living room, he realised that any one of the occupants of the house could have answered the door. He supposed he got lucky.

“I don’t remember telling you where I live.”

Louis hummed. “Yeah, that’s… um… your address was still in my Uber app. As I said, weird. I’m sorry.”

“How creative,” Harry said with a soft smile.

Louis sighed in relief. That could have gone either way, and Harry would have been absolutely justified in being creeped out. Louis smiled at Harry, albeit stiffly, before sighing.

“I did it.”

“Did what?”

“I left him.”

Harry froze, staring at Louis stupidly. “You— oh.”

Louis nodded. “Yeah. Yesterday.”

“Sit down.” Harry gestured for Louis to sit on the sofa, and Harry sat in a chair. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just… it’s so sad, you know?”

Harry nodded. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

Louis absently looked around the room, trying to ignore the wary, careful way that Harry was watching him. He couldn’t wait for people to stop looking at him like that.

“You, um… could have come here, you know. If you needed somewhere to go. You still can.”

Louis looked at him. “Thank you, Harry, that’s very sweet. My mum is actually still in London, and insisted that she wasn’t leaving until I left Gareth.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“But… she’s going back tomorrow.” Louis cleared his throat. “And I’ve made a decision about what to do with myself.”

Harry raised his eyebrows in expectation.

Louis winced even before he spoke. “I’m going to go back with her, go up north. You know, stay at home for a bit.” He took a breath. He could tell Harry was trying desperately to control his expression. “I’m sorry, Harry. I just need some time away from it all to work out what I want to do. I also really think I need to take some time on my own, you know, be single for a while.”

“Oh.” Harry nodded, frowning. “I understand.”

Louis smiled softly. “Come here.”

Harry hesitated before standing up and walking over to sit beside Louis. Louis took his head.

“I hope you know I’m mad about you.” Louis grinned and looked down. “The time we spent together was… well. You helped me gain a lot of perspective, but it wasn’t just that. I hope you know that this is something I just have to do. It’s better for me, and it’s better for you. This isn’t just about the relationship part of my life, this is about everything.”

“Um… when you say you’re going home for a bit, do you mean…”

“Probably a few months?” Louis sighed. “Just in case you were thinking about it, I don’t want you to wait for me, or anything like that.”

Harry smiled tightly. “Okay. It’s okay. But, um… I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll keep in contact,” Louis reassured him as he ran the back of his finger over Harry’s cheekbone. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. And if you visit home or come up north for any other reason, I expect to see you, okay?”

“Sure.”

Louis shuffled closer. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Harry smiled, and Louis leaned in and pressed a kiss at the corner of his mouth. Harry turned his head slightly and they met in a kiss, which turned into a lazy snog, Louis’ legs ending up on Harry’s lap at some point. When he finally came up for air, Louis smiled softly and rested his head on the back of the sofa.

“I’ll be expecting you to FaceTime me, you know.”

Harry smiled, baring his teeth. “I’ll look forward to it.”

Louis looked into his eyes and tilted his head. “I should go. Got a train to catch.”

“Okay.” Harry moved in to kiss him again. He pulled away with a groan. “Don’t wanna stop kissing you.”

Louis licked his lips and swung his legs off of Harry’s lap.

“Come visit me up in Donny and there will be more where that came from.”

Louis stood up and Harry followed him out into the hallway. Louis turned to him, and Harry pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’ll never forget our night,” Harry whispered.

Louis had to take a deep breath to quell the dizzying butterflies in his stomach. It was all he could to do resist throwing all his plans out and just staying.

-

The first month was the hardest. 

No job. No Gareth. No Harry. No home of his own.

In the second month, he remedied the  _ no job _ thing. He had been pondering what he had told Harry, which was that he wanted to help people. After two weeks of job hunting, and several times widening his search to cover more types of job… he ended up applying for a sales assistant job in a department store.

It wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, but it was better than working in the bar. He ended up being positioned in the TV and Home Cinema department, which might have been because of the way he went on and on in his interview about that 8K QLED TV of Gareth’s. He was trained in all things TV and speakers and projectors, and soon enough he had convinced his mum to get a new television with the help of his employee discount.

He was slowly rebuilding his life. By the third month, he was trying to decide whether or not to go back to London at all. The only thing that London had going for him was two friends, Niall and Harry. If he was honest, Harry was the sole reason he was even considering leaving Doncaster again.

He couldn’t let a potential love interest dictate such a big decision in his life, though. He and Harry had kept in contact as promised, the occasional FaceTime of the naked variety thrown in, but that was as far as it went. Harry had insisted that he wasn’t  _ waiting _ for Louis, although Louis got the distinct impression that Harry was still very much smitten with him.

Just as Louis still was with him.

Having still been rather undecided, Louis entered his fourth month back home holding off of looking for his own place, deciding to wait a bit longer to see if he could work out what he truly wanted. A part of him was waiting for some kind of sign.

On a rainy Wednesday afternoon, he got his sign. Harry had been out for a run and had sent Louis a blotchy, sweaty selfie. Louis, on his lunch break, absently scrolled back through all the selfies Harry had sent him. Some, like today’s, were Harry in a state of disarray, perfect in his imperfection and often purposely unflattering. There were others that were the complete opposite. Harry didn’t exactly seem like the kind of person to take seventy selfies in order to find the one perfect shot but, as casual as he tried to look, Louis could tell he had put an effort in.

It was flattering, really.

Louis lingered on his favourite, a picture of Harry straight out of the shower, wet and grinning toothily. He was jerked out of his contemplation when he received a text from Niall. He clicked the notification, scanning it before sitting up straight and raising his eyebrows.

He was due off of his break in a few minutes, but he managed to grab a quick word with his manager before heading back out onto the floor.

Fate. She had spoken.

-

“I’ll miss you, darling,” Jay said sadly, watching Louis pack up the car he had just bought a month ago. “There was me thinking I’d nabbed you back for good.”

Look gave her a firm, but not unkind look. “I did always say I was going back.”

“I know.” Jay sighed loudly. “But as I say, I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll visit.” Louis grinned with his mum narrowed her eyes at him. “I will! I promise.”

“Okay.” Jay frowned and reached out to take his hands. “Darling, if you bump into Gareth—”

“Oh, Mum. London is huge. I am  _ not _ going to bump into him.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I know where he hangs out, and I don’t need to be told twice to avoid those places.”

Jay nodded. “I’m coming to visit in a month. No excuses.”

Louis smiled in agreement and said goodbye to his mother. His siblings were all at school, and it had been an emotional morning of goodbyes. He got into his car before this one got any worse and, with one last wave to his mother, he set off down south.

The long car journey inevitably brought up thoughts of Harry. Thoughts of the old Louis. The Louis who had lost himself, and who fancied the idea that the weather controlled his emotions because it absolved him of the responsibility of being in charge of them himself. The nondescript weather outside as he drove proved to Louis that there was no connection. He felt anything but nondescript.

He was… nervous. Excited. Apprehensive. Not only that, but he was free. 

When he had left London, he had left behind a two-year period during which he slowly lost himself and his freedom, and when he had moved in with Gareth he had given up any last bit of freedom he had still clung to. He couldn’t see it at the time, of course, but Louis looked back with a sort of detached regret about it all. When he had moved home to Donny, well. He was free. Free to choose a job for himself, free to go out when he wanted and with whoever he wanted. But, at the end of the day, he was still living under his mother’s roof. Had an entire family to consider when he rolled in from a club at 4am.

But now, he was returning to London as free as anybody could be. He felt completely and utterly liberated.

_ My contract’s up, _ Niall’s text had said.  _ I need a flatmate. Interested? _

Louis pulled into the car park of the new block of flats. They seemed very nice indeed, and even more so on the inside, from the photos that Niall had sent. Louis had put his faith in Niall’s ability to find them somewhere nice to live, and he seemed to have come up trumps.

As soon as Louis stepped out of his car, he heard Niall cheering from across the car park. He turned to look at his friend, who was striding towards him, arms outstretched and a can of beer in hand.

“Tommo! Ah, so fuckin’ good to see you, man!”

“You too, Niall. Bring it in.” Louis pulled him in for a hug. “Missed you, lad.”

“So you should,” Niall said with a snort. “You left without saying goodbye, you fucker.”

“Sorry, sorry. Help me with some of my stuff, eh?”

As soon as Louis had brought all his stuff in and did the bare minimum to settle himself in, he jumped back into his car - set the new  _ Home _ location into his SatNav just in case - and headed out. Not long later, he was back on Harry’s doorstep, wondering once again if he was being inappropriate by just turning up.

“Oh my God!” Harry gasped as he opened the door. “You’re back! Are you back?”

“Can I come in?” Louis asked, smiling slightly. 

“Yes! Yeah.” Harry stepped out of the way to let Louis in. “Let’s head up to my room? Do you want a drink?”

“No thanks,” Louis said as he followed Harry up the stairs. “I’m driving.”

Harry turned to grin widely. “Well, I meant, like, tea or water or something, but okay.”

As soon as they got into Harry’s room and Louis closed the door, Harry yanked him in for a hug.

“I cannot believe you didn’t tell me you were coming back, you snake.” Harry giggled softly, before pulling away and narrowing his eyes. “Or… visiting?”

“I’m back,” Louis confirmed. “Moved in with Niall today.”

“What about your job?”

“Well,” Louis said with a scoff. “There were rumblings of redundancies up north, so Niall’s text came at a good time. I put in for a transfer to a London branch, and, well, here I am.”

“Everything fell nicely into place, then.”

“Something like that.” Louis carefully sat down on Harry’s ummade bed. “I wasn’t positive on even coming back to London, but I took it as a definite sign that I should.”

Harry folded his arms. “You never said. We talked a lot.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis said quietly. “Look, after Gareth, I… I just kind of felt like London wasn’t the place for me. I just felt so at peace back home, you know, a slower pace of life, being surrounded by unconditional love, that sort of thing.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t want to tell you that I was thinking about not coming back until I’d made a decision, you know?” Louis smiled shyly. “I didn’t want to upset you. Well, I mean… I didn’t want to tell you in case I upset you.”

“Well, I would have been upset!” Harry giggled softly. “I’m really glad you decided to come back.”

“I missed you so much.”

Harry threw him a toothy grin. Now that Louis was looking at Harry, real and standing in front of him once again, he couldn’t believe he had even entertained the idea of not coming back. 

“I’m sorry I never made it up north,” Harry said. “I did want to come and visit.”

“It’s alright. You weren’t exactly under obligation.”

Harry nodded. “Um, so… how’s it going for you? How’s, um, being single?”

Louis pondered that for a couple of seconds before smiling softly and nodding.

“Actually… it’s wonderful. I didn’t realise how tied up I was in everything Gareth did until I wasn’t anymore. Does that make sense? The freedom is amazing. I feel like I’m really starting to rediscover what it means to be me. Is that cheesy?”

“Yes.” Harry sat down on the bed, and Louis pretended not to notice the sadness in his smile. “I’m so glad you’re happy.”

“I am.” Louis sighed contently. “How about you?”

“Huh?”

“Seeing anyone, or anything?” Louis asked, trying to seem casual and not letting anything like hope taint his tone.

Harry let out an almost mocking laugh. “Uh, no.”

“Oh! Well, I hope you didn’t go and wait for me like I told you not to.” Louis grinned. “Joking, joking.”

Harry shrugged. “Nah, I just… wasn’t really feeling it.”

“I see.” Louis threw himself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “I wouldn’t be upset. Maybe, like, one percent upset if you slept with Niall. You did, didn’t you? You had sex with Niall!”

Harry laughed. “Of course I didn’t.”

“Now, I’d be  _ really _ upset if you slept with Gareth.”

Harry didn’t respond, so Louis sat up slightly and cocked an eyebrow at him. Harry just laughed and shook his head.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Harry’s smile faded and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “Speaking of, did you hear about Gareth?”

Louis sat bolt upright and widened his eyes. “Did I hear  _ what _ about Gareth? What did he do now? Is he okay?”

“Oh. Um…” Harry sighed. “He’s engaged.”

“He’s  _ what?” _ Louis scoffed, mostly out of surprise. “To  _ who?” _

“Some guy at my agency.” Harry took a deep breath and sighed again. “After you left, I was asked to go and work with Gareth again but I told them that under no circumstances would I be able to work with Gareth anymore. So, I guess they assigned him someone else, and… yeah.”

“Ah. Well, see. It could have been you.”

Harry glared at him. “Don’t take the piss.”

“Engaged, though?” Louis scoffed again. “He was always all about waiting for years and years. Oh my God, you don’t think he was seeing this guy behind my back, do you?”

“Seriously, Lou?”

“I don’t— I don’t  _ care.” _ Louis shook his head. “I was just wondering.”

“Bloody hypocrite,” Harry said lightly, poking Louis in the chest. “I presume you never got around to telling him about us.”

“Of course not! I wouldn’t jeopardise your job like that.”

“Oh. Well, thank you.”

Louis just looked at him, and Harry looked back. As much as he had been really looking forward to seeing Harry - so much that coming to see him had been the first thing he did - now that he was here with him, he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Part of him wanted to lay next to him, pull him close and kiss him. Part of him just wanted to talk, tell Harry all about his time in Doncaster and hear everything about Harry’s life while he was away. No part of him was particularly itching to leave.

“Sorry,” Louis said finally. “I’ve just waltzed in here, no warning, and invaded your Sunday evening.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Harry grinned. “There’s absolutely nothing else I’d rather be doing.”

Louis smiled back at him. Harry’s eyes - just for a split second - flickered down to Louis’ mouth. As was the case with the very first time they kissed, Louis knew the ball was firmly in his court. It was an easy decision. This time, there was no reason whatever not to.

He slipped his fingers in the hair at the back of Harry’s neck and began to move in, closely watching Harry for any kind of reaction. Harry’s eyes fluttered closed and his lips parted, so Louis continued to move in.

“God, I missed you,” Louis whispered, breath ghosting over Harry’s lips.

“Louis.”

Louis pressed their lips together, feeling Harry relax against him. That was the best part about kissing Harry; the way he eased into Louis’ space, the way he melted under his touch. Louis could stay like this forever, and couldn’t think of a single reason not to.

As Harry slipped his tongue into Louis’ mouth, Louis was thinking about Gareth. He felt incredibly guilty about it, of course, but he was processing. Gareth was  _ engaged. _ Louis didn’t care, not really, but it was a lot to take in. He hadn’t spoken to Gareth at all since he left, and eventually the amount of voicemails and texts from Gareth had begun to dwindle. He had felt terrible ghosting him like that but really, it was for the best. Besides, he had nothing left to say to Gareth.

Evidently, Gareth had got over it.

When Louis came back into the moment, Harry was kissing far more eagerly and pressing his weight into him, so Louis gave in and laid back. As much as Harry insisted he hadn’t waited for Louis to come back, the way he was undressing himself and Louis seemed to indicate a man who had most definitely been waiting for this moment.

Louis didn’t mind too much. Maybe he would give Harry a bit of light-hearted grief about it later, but for now he sat back to watch as Harry pulled his underwear down and climbed back on top of Louis. Louis immediately wrapped his arms around Harry, digging his fingertips into Harry’s back when their cocks bumped together. 

“Well, my first day back in London is going alright.”

Harry frowned disapprovingly and linked his fingers into Louis’. 

“Did you come here to make jokes?”

“Why else would I be here?”

Harry raised his eyebrows and slammed their hands into the mattress. It took Louis slightly by surprise.

Louis raised his hips, jostling Harry slightly. “I actually only came round to say hi and let you know I’m back. Next thing I know, I’m pinned to your bed, naked.”

Harry snorted in amusement, untangling their fingers and running his hands gently over Louis’ bare chest. It was tender, and Louis felt a familiar flutter of butterflies in his stomach. Harry began to move down his body, kissing over his hipbone before taking him into his mouth.

Louis had thought about Harry a lot in the four months he had been in Doncaster. He liked him a lot - that went without saying - but, being newly single and free, all he could think about was being close to Harry, skin on skin and Harry’s mouth… anywhere.

He came quickly - embarrassingly so - and before Louis came to his senses to reciprocate, Harry had tugged himself to orgasm before draping himself on Louis’ chest.

“Harry,” Louis said, exasperated. “You’ve just bloody smushed your come between us.”

“Oh, I’ll clean up in a minute.” Harry sighed contently. “Wanted a cuddle.”

Louis found that hard to argue with, so he draped his arm around Harry.

“You know, you did that the first time we had sex, too.”

Harry just hummed, sounding content as he snuggled close.

“You wanna stay over?” he murmured against Louis’ skin. “I can cook us dinner. Or we could order a pizza?”

“That’s sweet, but I should probably go home. First night in my new flat, so I should probably, you know, actually spend the night there.”

Harry giggled softly. “Fair enough.”

They fell silent, and Louis looked down at Harry as he absently ran his fingers over Louis’ collarbone, down onto his chest where he traced patterns onto his skin.

“Hey,” Harry whispered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mhm,” Harry replied, tangling his fingers in Harry’s hair.

“I’m just, um…” He sighed. “I’m not sure where this leaves us? Sorry to, like…”

“No, it’s okay.” Louis paused to gather his words. “If it’s okay with you, I’d rather keep it casual for a bit. I know it’s been a few months since Gareth, but I still don’t think I’m ready to get back into, um… anything just yet. The whole commitment thing, just…”

Louis ended with a shudder. 

“Oh,” Harry said, smiling tentatively. “Yeah. Of course. Totally cool.”

Louis sighed quietly. “I’m sorry. And again… if casual isn’t what you’re looking for, that’s absolutely fine. Don’t wait around for me, yeah?”

“Oh,” Harry said again, scoffing. “It’s all good.”

Louis blinked up at the ceiling. There was no getting through to Harry about this, but Louis was bored of hearing his own voice preach about Harry not waiting, and all that. He knew full well that it wasn’t the answer Harry wanted, but it was Louis’ truth.

“We can hang out,” Louis added. “Just see what develops with no pressure. Yeah?”

Harry didn’t reply, which Louis took as a good indicator that he should stop talking. A few minutes later, Harry finally got up, found some face wipes which he used to clean his come off of the both of them, and Louis got dressed. Harry sat on the edge of the bed and watched him in silence, sighing as Louis slipped his trainers on.

“When…” Harry began to ask, but trailed off.

Louis just grinned. “I’ll text you? I start work on Tuesday, so when I get my rota we’ll sort something. You have got to come round to mine and Niall’s new flat.”

“Okay,” Harry said, nodding and smiling.

“Now, come here.” Louis crooked his finger and Harry stood up. Louis wrapped an arm around his waist, pulled him close and kissed him, squeezing a bum cheek. “Mm, it’s not very fair for you to say goodbye completely naked. Do you know how hard it is to leave you here like this?”

“Oh, stop it,” Harry said softly, kissing him once more. “Now, get out of here.”

-

Working in London was a much faster pace than Louis had been used to back home. The store was far busier, and there had been no space for him in the TV and Home Cinema department, so they had stuck him in White Goods. Refrigerators, washing machines, dishwashers. It wasn’t as fun, but at least he would learn some new things.

On Thursday, Harry came round to the flat. The two of them ordered pizza with Niall, and after dinner Niall had to yell at them and banish them to Louis’ room for snogging.

They continued much the same way for the next month, spending the night together two, sometimes three times a week. Niall got used to having Harry about the flat, and Louis ended up on a semi-first name basis with Harry’s housemates.

“My mum’s coming down in a couple of weeks,” Louis said one Tuesday, blissed out on Harry’s bed. His face was squashed against the pillow, entire body unmoved from where Harry had fucked him moments earlier. “I might not be about as much.”

“Alright,” Harry said quietly, pressing soft kisses on Louis’ shoulder blades. “Um… I was— I was wondering…”

“Spit it out, lad,” Louis teased softly.

“Okay, so… there’s this thing, right?” Harry cleared his throat, and something in his tone prompted Louis to flip over and face him. “Silly, really. My boss invited me to this corporate event thing, which sounds really boring, but I think it could be quite cool? It’s actually a barbecue on the grounds of a golf club, or something. Don’t really know, but, um…”

“Yes?” Louis asked innocently.

“Right, it’s just that they told me to bring a plus one and I really don’t want to show up alone. It’s completely okay if you don’t wanna go, or you think that me asking you is inappropriate, I can ask someone else, or—”

“Hazza, it’s cool. I’ll go.” Louis let out a soft giggle. “Wait, when is it?”

“This Saturday.”

-

“Last chance,” Louis said as they approached the bar. “I’m happy to do the driving back if you want to have a drink.”

“For the last time, I’m happy to stick to soft drinks,” Harry insisted. “Besides. You’re not insured.”

Louis cackled for a second before shrugging at Harry. “Okay.”

He got a beer for himself and a Fanta for Harry, and they wandered around for a bit. The whole area was ringed with food stalls, the huge barbecuing area at the far end near a small stage.

“Corporate events are so weird,” Louis remarked.

“We’ll stay until we can’t eat anymore,” Harry replied with a grin. “And once we’ve got our fill of free food, we’ll piss off home.”

“Sounds like a great plan.”

“Now.” Harry looked around, holding his hand up in front of his face to shield his eyes from the sun. “I need to locate my boss, so that we can casually walk by her so that she knows I showed up.”

“So, what is this even for?” Louis asked as Harry steered them towards the barbecue, where most people seemed to be congregating. “Just networking, or what?”

“I suppose so. Well,  _ really,  _ it’s just an excuse to get drunk in the sun.”

“It’s not even that warm.”

“Hm, shame.” Harry shrugged. “Let’s go eat.”

Louis stacked his fancy-looking paper plate high with chicken wings, sausages, a burger and some potatoes, as well as grabbing another plate to fill with salad. Harry found Louis’ balancing act altogether very amusing as they headed to the picnic benches.

“How on earth are you gonna fit all of that food inside of you?”

Louis quickly took a bite of his burger. “I’m very talented,” he said with his mouth full.

Harry made a disgusted face as he picked up a fork and speared some cucumber. They ate in silence for a little while, save for Louis’ hums of approval with everything he ate. It was easy, being in Harry’s company. Neither of them felt the need to fill any silences, as few and far between as they were.

“Thanks for coming to this,” Harry said. “I really appreciate it. I didn’t want you to think I was asking you on a date, or something.”

Louis smiled, picking up a chicken wing. “Ah, it’s fine. Chill out. Besides, you’re basically my best friend. It isn’t exactly weird for us to hang out.”

“Do you like me?” Harry said quickly, before widening his eyes, looking like he regretted it.

Louis smiled reassuringly. It was all semantics. Yes, he liked Harry. They were  _ supposed _ to be keeping it casual, but Louis had to admit that he looked forward to spending time with him. He sighed, which seemed to panic Harry more. 

“I mean…” Harry continued. “When we… when we went on our road trip… it wasn’t just sex. Was it?”

“No.”

“Because I feel like, it that’s all it was, you wouldn’t have cheated—”

“Harry.” Louis pressed a hand to his forehead. “Please don’t.”

“Sorry.”

“That was a bit low.” Louis glared at him and shook his head. “Look, nothing’s changed. I told you before I went back home that I’m mad about you, didn’t I?”

Harry pressed his lips together and looked down at the table. “The feeling’s mutual. But I keep worrying that you’re gonna meet someone.”

“What?” Louis frowned, uncomprehending. “Do you think I’m lying to you, or—”

“No! But, like… someone’s gonna come along eventually. You know, be the person who makes you feel ready to be in a relationship again.”

Louis rolled his eyes openly. “Yeah. You’re that person, dummy.”

Harry looked at him, unimpressed. “That’s funny, actually, considering you don’t want to be in a relationship with me.”

“You  _ know _ that’s not true.” Louis reached over and touched Harry’s hand. “I’m just not quite ready to be back in that place, you know?”

Harry frowned, before getting to his feet and rounding the bench to sit next to Louis. He straddled the seat, facing Louis.

“The last thing I want is for you to think I’m pressuring you. But, Louis… it’s not going to be like it was with Gareth. It will  _ never _ be like that.”

“I know…”

“It is fine if you’re not ready.” Harry shuffled closer. “But if you’re scared of being right back in the position you were before—”

“You’re not Gareth, and I know that.”

Louis sighed, staring at Harry’s hands pressed against the seat between them. Maybe Harry was right. Getting into another relationship didn’t mean being trapped, and it didn’t mean giving up his freedom. It didn’t mean going back to not having his own identity.

That was a Gareth thing, not a relationship thing. 

“Okay, look. We have to go really slow.” Louis winced at the vulnerability in his voice. “No asking me to move in within a week, or anything.”

Harry laughed. “No way! Niall would kill me.”

Louis smiled and nodded. “Okay, then. You’re right.”

“Yeah?” Harry’s face split into a wide grin. “Nothing’s gonna change, not really. I promise.”

“More dates,” Louis told him. “Because when we’re not together, I miss you.”

“Ugh.” Harry laughed again, relief evident. “Me too.”

Louis leaned in close and kissed him. There was a slight tickle of panic deep in his stomach, but he ignored it. This would be different. Better. 

They cleared their plates away and went to browse the dessert stands to decide what to have. The pleased look on Harry’s face when Louis took his hand made the uneasy feeling worth it. 

“I always kind of assumed we would end up together,” Louis mused. “I don’t know who I was fooling when I considered not coming back.”

Harry snorted. “Mm.”

“You know, you were the only thing that kept me from committing to staying up in Donny. I feel like I knew, deep down, that I had to come back, but I didn’t want a man to be the reason for such a big decision in my life. No offence.”

“None taken,” Harry said with a chuckle. “I support that notion. Oh, hey. My boss is over by the crepes.”

They headed over, and Louis could feel Harry’s palm clam up a bit.

“Louis,” Harry said. “This is my boss, Donna. Donna, this is, um, Louis.”

“Hi,” Louis said, shaking Donna’s hand. “Harry’s boyfriend.”

Louis just about heard Harry’s breath hitch slightly. The three of them chatted idly for a minute or two, before Donna excused herself and Harry led Louis towards a waffle stand.

“Boyfriend?” Harry asked quietly.

“Well, she saw us holding hands, didn’t she?” Louis grinned, before it melted into a frown. “That  _ was _ okay, right? I assumed that, because we—”

“Oh, of course,” Harry reassured him. “As you said, we were holding hands. I was just a bit taken aback.”

“It made sense to say. In the moment.”

Harry glanced sideways at him. “And? How did it feel? Alright?”

“Good. Well, scary. I’m a bundle of anxiety right now, if I’m honest.”

Harry stopped, turning to look at Louis.

“Okay, I feel like I pressured you.”

“No! Come on.” Louis squeezed his hand. “I just needed to bite the bullet. And I don’t want to lose you.”

“You wouldn’t have lost me, Lou. Come on.” Harry frowned, looking down at the ground. “I  _ have _ pressured you.”

Louis sighed. “Whenever I did this - whenever  _ we _ did this - it was always going to be difficult for me. I just mean there was no point in me delaying it.”

“Okay,” Harry replied. And they began to walk again. “As long as you’re alright, yeah? That’s the most important thing.”

Louis had spent the past four months learning to be on his own, refinding himself and working out what he wanted in life. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was stepping backwards, even though he knew that definitely wasn’t the case with Harry. There was nothing to be done about it, except to prove to himself that it would be different this time. He needed to power through his unease.

He took a deep breath, trying his best to relax, but when Harry froze and stopped dead, Louis’ heart jolted and he snapped his head around to look at Harry.

”What—”

“Let’s go this way,” Harry said quickly, turning around and trying to yank Louis in the opposite direction. “Come on!”

“No,” Louis said, frowning as he tugged back on his hand. “What’s your prob—”

Louis’ stomach lurched, and his lunch was seriously threatening to make a reappearance. There, a few hundred yards in front of them, was Gareth. Louis’ head began to swim. This couldn’t be happening. Louis had finally taken a huge step towards moving on from Gareth and everything he had endured during their relationship, and five minutes later, the man himself pops up.

Louis really felt shat on by the universe.

Harry dropped Louis’ hand, but Louis snatched Harry’s hand back and clutched at it.

“No,” Louis growled. “Do not do that. Not on his account. If it’s okay, please hold my hand.”

“Of course,” Harry said, voice shatteringly soft. “But we can always—”

“I’m not going to run away from him. I won’t.” Louis took a deep breath. “Anyway, look. He’s seen us now.”

Gareth looked… weird. His hair was styled differently, and his eyes were wide as he walked deliberately towards them. Louis almost felt scared, but then he came to his senses.

“Hello,” he said coolly as soon as Gareth was in earshot.

“Well,” Gareth said, looking between Louis and Harry. “Don’t things just make  _ perfect _ sense now.”

“Don’t start,” Louis replied, a surge of anxiety hitting him full force. “It’s not like it’s  _ me _ who’s engaged. Congrats, by the way.”

“You heard, then.” Gareth looked Harry up and down, before scoffing. “So, this is what you were doing when you were supposed to be working for me.”

“Grow up, Gareth,” Louis retorted.

“No wonder you’ve completely ignored me for the past three months.”

“It’s four, and I didn’t have anything to say to you.” Louis rolled his eyes. “Good luck with your engagement. I reckon your new lad’s gonna need it.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oi,” Harry suddenly growled, taking Louis by surprise. “You’ve got a lot to answer for, mate. So don’t swan over here acting like—”

“Harry, don’t.” Louis shook his head. “Please. He’s not worth it.”

“Neither is he,” Gareth said to Harry, cocking a thumb in Louis’ direction.

“Oh!” Harry scoffed. “Like you didn’t beg him not to leave you? Like you weren’t  _ constantly  _ leaving him voicemails and sending texts when you were probably with your new boyfriend?”

Louis let Harry finish his sentence before tugging on his hand. “Seriously, let’s go. Leave him to it.”

“You’re the one who needs luck,  _ mate,” _ Gareth retorted. “I know he’s all warm and sweet now, but he’ll go cold on you, I promise. You should have heard how cruelly he spoke to me when we split.”

Louis threw Gareth a reproachful look, feeling a little hurt by that. He hadn’t been cruel or cold. Maybe he had been a little blunt, but Gareth had needed that. And deserved it.

Harry turned on his heel and began to walk away. Louis threw one last glare at Gareth before turning to catch up with Harry.

“Haz—”

Harry slowed down and scoffed. “What a fucking arsehole.”

“I know.”

Harry turned to look at Louis. “Are you okay?”

“Can we just go?”

“Of course.” Harry sighed and took Louis’ hand. “Of course.”

They headed back to the car in silence, Louis trying to hide the fact that he was shaking, but as soon as they got inside and closed the doors, he burst into tears. Harry awkwardly hugged him across the centre console, shushing him gently. 

“I’m so sorry,” Harry whispered. “I’m sorry that I brought you here. And that you had to go through that.”

“It’s alright,” Louis said with a loud sniff. “I know he was lashing out because he was hurting, but…”

“Hey. That does not give him the right to be a Grade A arsehole.”

Louis let out a thick laugh. “Yeah. I know.”

Harry sat back in his seat, and Louis rested his head against the back of his own seat and linked at Harry.

“Well,” he said with a heavy sigh. “That horrendous experience was probably the closure I needed.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, love?” Harry asked quietly. “You know, you were affected when I told you he was engaged, and now this—”

“Oh, Haz.” Louis shook his head. “Look, my relationship with Gareth had a big effect on my life. It’s going to stay with me for a long, long time, and not in any kind of positive way. It’s just something I’m trying to learn how to live with and, if you want to be with me, you have to, too.”

“Yeah.”

Louis reached out for Harry’s hand. “I think we just need to draw a line under everything. Start over. We’re never going to actually be able to erase Gareth, but we don’t have to give him any more power.”

“Alright. Sounds good.” Harry smiled and ran the back of his finger over Louis’ damp cheek. “Shall we go home?”

“How about you go and get us some dessert? And if you see Gareth, please ignore him.”

Harry smiled again, showing teeth this time. “Yeah, okay.”

Louis stayed in the car and composed himself while Harry was gone. As much as he had hoped he would never see Gareth again, he should have known it was likely. At least it was over and done with. Louis didn’t have to worry about that first awkward encounter anymore. As he said to Harry, he hoped this could serve as closure. Now that he had seen Gareth again - and Gareth had found out about him and Harry - he could happily close the chapter of his life and put it on a shelf. Leave it there to gather dust. Never to be revisited.

Harry returned and they moved to the back seat to share a Nutella waffle.

“I  _ swear _ I had no idea he was going to be here,” Harry said. “It should have crossed my mind, but it didn’t. Sorry.”

Louis shook his head. “Seriously, let’s not talk about him.”

“Sorry,” Harry said again.

“Well,” Louis said, eager to change the subject. “I think it’s out of the question to consider this a date, for so many reasons, so we had better plan one.”

They discussed as they ate, beginning with very sensible ideas before drifting into stupid ones. Harry suggested white water rafting, and Louis suggested knife throwing.

“I’ve got it,” Harry said proudly. “Our first date should be at a wedding fair.”

Louis scoffed. “Way to keep this new relationship casual. No pressure.”

Harry frowned, but was unable to stop the bubble of laughter that came out of his mouth.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll keep it super casual. How about house viewing?”

“You’re in trouble,” Louis said with a laugh. “I’ve got a better idea. Speed dating.”

“Hey,” Harry said with a pout.

Louis shuffled closer and laid his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“Just to change the subject for a sec… it was really nice how you stood up for me today.”

“Well, he— it was unfair.”

Louis placed a hand on Harry’s thigh. “I love it when you’re assertive, you know.”

“Mm, is that so?”

“Yup.” Louis sat up and smiled sweetly. “Now, you had better drive us home so I can show you  _ how much _ I love it.”

Harry scoffed and groaned and altogether made a big deal as they moved back to the front seats. On the drive home, he continued to act silly to make Louis laugh. Louis appreciated it a lot. He appreciated  _ Harry _ a lot.

When they got back to Louis’, Harry showed Louis just how assertive he could be, and Louis showed him just how much he appreciated him right back. Afterwards, they spooned, Louis nuzzling his nose into Harry’s neck contently.

“Hey.”

“Hm?” Harry hummed back.

“One more thing, then I swear the topic of Gareth is closed for good.”

He felt Harry tense. “Go on.”

“It’s just… I really wanted to say that I don’t regret anything that happened. Just so you know, I— I’ve never done anything like  _ that _ before, and I won’t again.”

“You mean cheating?”

“I really fucking hate that word.” Louis fell silent for a couple of seconds. “It was an exceptional circumstance. I don’t want you worrying about history repeating itself, or anything. I swear, it won’t.”

“Hey. I know.” Harry found Louis’ hand and cuddled it to his chest. “I know, love.”

“And as for my relationship with Gareth… well, I doubt you and I would have crossed paths if I hadn’t been with him. So I guess what I’m saying is that everything happens for a reason.”

“Absolutely.”

“I guess I’m a stronger person for what I went through, or something.”

Louis had been through a lot of emotions that day, but as the night drew to a close, he was feeling more settled that he had felt in someone else’s arms in a long time. He kept expecting to feel regret or panic over agreeing to begin a relationship with Harry, but it never came.

Instead, he had the distinct feeling that things were slotting into place.

“Louis?”

“Hm?” 

“I have a confession.” Harry paused. “I think— I think I’m falling—”

“Haz—”

“Asleep.”

Louis gasped, before pulling the pillow from under his head and whacking Harry in the face with it.

“Dickhead,” he said through his laughter.

-

Louis was in the middle of a text conversation with Lottie, and Harry was lying on the bed next to him, tapping away at his phone, too. It was comfortable. In one of Niall’s many pearls of wisdom, he had recently warned Louis that the six month mark was a milestone in a relationship, and that it was time to make a gesture or have a conversation. Get serious.

They had been taking it slow, though. By now, of course, Harry was a pretty permanent fixture in the flat that Louis shared with Niall, but there had been no talk of moving in together. No talk of marriage. No talk of any commitment, save for generally being in a relationship and making the occasional dinner reservation a week in advance.

They hadn’t even exchanged  _ I love yous _ yet, even though it was blatantly obvious they felt it. Louis had felt it for months, and had only just started to think about saying it. Harry was always so respectful of Louis’ pace, even when Louis could tell it physically pained him. If Harry was horny but Louis was tired, or not in the mood, or too emotionally drained, Harry would cheerily accept the  _ no _ and bounce off to the bathroom for a wank.

Fuck. Louis really did love Harry  _ so _ much.

Harry yawned loudly, dropping his phone to the bedside table before nuzzling close to Louis. Even Harry’s morning breath gave Louis butterflies. Maybe that was gross, but getting to wake up next to Harry every day was a dream. 

“Can we get dressed and go out for a McDonald’s breakfast?” Harry asked.

“Babe, McDonald’s breakfast ends in five minutes.”

Harry groaned. “Uhh, really? I read the time wrong.”

“Silly.” Louis kissed him. “If Niall’s about, he’ll happily make you something.”

“I can make my own breakfast.” Harry sighed against Louis’ neck. “Why don’t you stay here? I’ll bring you breakfast in bed.”

“Oh!” Louis beamed. “Can’t argue with that.”

As much as Louis tried not to compare his relationship with Harry to his relationship with Gareth, he couldn’t help it. The only time Gareth had brought Louis breakfast in bed was when he had brought his own breakfast back to bed and given Louis half a slice of toast when he had decided he didn’t want it. Today would make it the third time this week Harry had done it.

Louis didn’t know whether theirs was a typical relationship or if it was that Harry doted on him, but either way, he knew his boyfriend was wonderful.

“Eggs? Cereal? Toast? Bacon? All four? Surprise?”

“As long as it involves a cup of tea, I don’t mind.” Louis smiled sweetly. “Thank you.”

“Your wish is my command,” Harry said as he walked backwards toward the door, grinning stupidly.

“Don’t fall!” Louis said, a split second before Harry stumbled over his own pair of balled up socks in the doorway. “You’re a fool.”

“And yet, you love me.”

Louis wanted to laugh. As soon as Harry had said it, he froze and his eyes grew wide. His mouth opened and closed silently like a fish as he searched his brain frantically for words.

“I do,” Louis finally said, putting Harry out of his misery. “I do love you.”

Harry blinked softly, a grin spreading across his face. “Do you really?”

“Come on, love. You know I do.”

Harry slowly walked back over to the bed and crouched next to Louis.

“I love you, too.”

Louis couldn’t help but smile. “Well. Now we’ve got that cleared up, how about that breakfast?”

They shared a sweet kiss before Harry went off to do breakfast, grinning from ear to ear. Louis felt pretty settled in their relationship by now, but finally getting the words out - and hearing them - shifted something. Something fell into place. They were in love. It was real love, not a cheap veneer of something that looked like love, like how it had been with Gareth.

“Right,” Harry said, walking in several minutes later. “Well, I missed you, so I just made toast.”

Harry had made copious amounts of toast, and had squeezed as many jars of jam and other toppings onto the breakfast tray as possible.

When the two of them had met, everything for Louis had been so tricky, so complicated. Now, with Harry, everything was simple. He was free. He was in love. 

He even found himself liking the rain.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this fic, I'd love you to reblog the [Tumblr post](https://dinosaursmate.tumblr.com/post/188492217181/baby-come-light-me-up-by-dinosaursmate-words)!


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